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3 Idalia Life Coach & Mindfulness Mentor
4 TRAIN YOUR BRAIN BOOK II CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS, CONTROL YOUR LIFE The Mind is Like an impetuous Monkey
5 Love is a Rainbow Where Unicorns are Born Idalia Willis © copyright 2022 Love is a rainbow where unicorns are born You are special whether your hair is straight or nappy You are a gift to the world where nothing is scorned Where everyone can be at peace and happy No matter what color you are Where joy and hope are never too far Never take life for granted and be thankful for all No matter if you’re kinda big, little or kinda small Love is a rainbow every color so bright Where there is no hate or black or white Love is a rain- bow for all to share A rainbow of Unicorns who authentically care Where is this rainbow? It’s in your heart It’s who you are from the inside out Believe in yourself and never doubt All things are possible, and all will work out Love is a rainbow of dreams that do come true Love is me and love is you Love is the color of the rainbow too
6 WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? You Are NOT Your Thoughts! You Are the Observer Beneath Them, Be Ye Transformed by the Renewing Of Your Mind Train Your Brain Book II “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7)
7 Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius (121-180 AD) concluded, “We become what we think about.” I say control the thoughts beneath them and control your life. You are the silence beneath your thoughts. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING - YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS Train Your Brain Book II Copyright © 2023 by Idalia Willis All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from the author. ISBN (XXXXXXXXXXXXX)
8 DEDICATION "To My Two Beautiful Daughters, with all my heart, soul and unconditional love. ❤️ Love, Momma
9 DISCLAIMER Our thoughts can make us feel crazy and unsure about who we are and what to do with our lives or a specific situation. But I’m here to let you know that you have control of your thoughts. You can stop the monkey mindset at any time you wish. It can be hard to control the monkey mind because we have been trained to let it go wherever it wants to go. We give our thoughts too much freedom to bounce all over the place. Here is the truth: it’s normal. But the good news is that we do have control over how we process our thoughts and choose how we react to every passing thought. This control takes practice, but it can be done with proper knowledge. This book makes no claims to diagnose, mitigate, treat, or correct specific mental health issues or disorders. This book is for self-help and self-analy- sis by the reader only. All advice and suggestions are based on my opinions, experiences, and research and are not intended as medical advice or a cure for any mental health issues. If you do not feel that you are in a good head- space and have thoughts of harming yourself or others, please seek help immediately! Your life matters!
10 TABLE OF CONTENTS Just Throwing in Some FYI – Not a Religious Book Mental Problems and Professional Help Dedication Preface Introduction The Hippocampus – A Complex Instrument and Your Brain Thinking Stuff... a POEM for my readers CHAPTER 1: The Psychology of Thought CHAPTER 2: Thoughts and Perspectives CHAPTER 3: Thoughts and The Power of Words CHAPTER 4: Thoughts and Purpose CHAPTER 5: Thoughts and Character CHAPTER 6: Thoughts and Emotions CHAPTER 7: Thoughts and Fear CHAPTER 8: Thoughts and Accomplishment CHAPTER 9: Your Thoughts and Health CHAPTER 10: Peace of Mind and Affirmations CHAPTER 11: The Power of Now CHAPTER 12: Thoughts and Wisdom CHAPTER 13: Thoughts and The Art of Listening CHAPTER 14: Train Your Brain Book One CHAPTER 15: thoughts and prayers STOICISM BONUS QUOTES – The End
11 JUST THROWING IN SOME FYI Just a Word of Advice for Adults in the Room—This Is Not a Chil- dren’s Book, so Put on Your Big-Girl or Big-Guy Underwear Be- fore You Read. I just had to throw this bit of FYI in for the so-called grown-ups in the room. A word of advice for you: if you are allowing your children to play and look at violent video games and movies that depict unnatural sex acts, politics, shootings, and killing in any form or fashion, whether it’s super- hero movies, John Wick movies, or the daily news, and even a Bugs Bunny cartoon—OMG, so much violence in the name of innocent fun and laugh- ter, funny stuff, right? No, it is not funny at all; it is sad to say the least, and you can blame yourself for how your kids turn out as they become adults. Stop trying to figure out why you are afraid of your own child. Stop trying to understand why they are not doing well in school and why they are not interested in school at all. You are to blame as an adult caregiver because you don’t actually care. Perhaps you do; you are just guided by your own ignorance of how society has conditioned your mind to believe everything you hear and everything you see. If you think that Disney movies and other semi-violent movies and TV programs are just innocent viewing, well, I want you to think again. And what in the world is “semi-violence?” Violence is violence, whether it is in a cartoon or a superhero movie. I remember the animated movie, Bambi… when his mother got killed, I cried my eyes out and still to this day, just thinking about poor little Bambi having to live without his mom because some jerk shot her for his own selfish indulgences really upsets me still to this day. Man has become so desensitized to violence. If you even dare to watch the daily news, you will hear of mass shootings and crazy political nonsense that will drive the sanest person out of their minds. I’ll get into that subject later in the book.
12 Keep reading; you don’t want to miss any of this. In the name of innocent fun, they are being exposed to the worst violence a person can witness at such an early age, and we call it rated PG—family entertainment. This is nonsense! Do you even know what PG means? It means parental guidance. Why does a child need a parent’s guidance to watch a cartoon or superhero movie? This is crazy stuff, but it is real and really scary at that because things in this world have gotten a lot worse for children since Bambi and The Lion King came out. Why do you have to sit there and tell your child to close their ears and eyes every other scene? I am just saying, think about it. This is the real problem; we do not take the time to think about stuff anymore. We have become so desensitized to the horrible violence in the world because it has become so commonplace to hear and see all the crazy nonsense going on. Anyway, the truth will eventually set you free if you let it. And, just in case you didn’t get the memo, children are getting stressed out more than ever in the history of our time. They are dealing with so much drama, from COVID to the Flu, and all the mass school killings of innocent little kids! Your so-called parents need to wake up and get yourself together before it is too late for them to ever have a decent world to live in. God help us all… please… Amen! Frankly, what you do with your children is not only your business, but readers beware because what you may unwittingly sow into the souls and minds of your young, immature offspring shall manifest itself at full ma- turity if you are not very careful, and that makes it the business of all of us. Serial killers are not born but created. “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” (Proverbs 13:24) “He that spares his rod hates his son; but he that loveth him chastens him.” I like the New Standard Version of the Bible: “Who- ever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to disci- pline him.” Now let’s get real with what is happening in our world today as we know it. Why are the times we live in so stressful, and when I say stressful, that, my friends, is a definite understatement. Is there hope for
13 us, or are we all destined for doom? I don’t think so. And some so-called innocent streaming, video games, and social media can be truly harmful to society at large. Our children are being exposed to bullying and body shaming on TikTok, YouTube and even in so-called rated PG television programs. They are so glued to their cellphones that to get their attention, we must literally grab their cellphone and look them dead in the eyes… and ask the question, “Do you hear the words coming out of my mouth?” It is truly a sad situation when it comes to the future of the next generation of adults, and right now it is sad to say the least. Let us find out how to train our brains to think better thoughts. First, you must understand that you are the things you think about ninety-five per- cent of the time. Secondly, you have full control of the things you allow to occupy your mind. The good news is that you can change your mind at will and at any time you choose. I chose to author this book in my own voice. I am here to say the quiet parts aloud. I am here to help you understand how your thoughts affect not only your life, but the lives of all of us. So, sit back and relax and let us learn some things that might help you and have some fun reading or listening to this knowledge. You know what they say, “Knowledge is power!” You are important to me, and you should feel the same about your mind. After all, your brain is your superpower, and we all have one, so let’s use it. When you learn to control your thoughts, you will be able to control your life with less stress and outside influence. This does not mean that there will not be times when you may need help or the influ- ence of those who have achieved what you are aiming for. But ultimately, you are responsible for your own thoughts and outcomes.
14 NOT A RELIGIOUS BOOK This is not a book on religion, and all scripture and quotes are meant only for reference and reflect my personal knowledge and research for my book and are not intended to represent any facts or theories on said subject mat- ter about mastering our thoughts. Please feel free to do your own research. Study for yourself if you are unsure about any quotes or scriptures. You are the master of your mind and ultimately responsible for your own way of thinking. I’m just here to share some hope for a better day and a better way to think, if that is at all possible. I personally studied Religion at the first University I attended, many years ago and frankly and honestly, I am still trying to figure out this whole reli- gion thing in a practical way. What I cannot figure out for the life of me, if God is this loving spirit who can work miracles and wonders, why in the world does he allow innocent little children to be massacred in these school shootings and millions of innocent people to die from a global pan- demic and, most of all, how is it that evil people seem to live longer than the sweet people? Notice that I did not say “good people,” but there are some really sweet people in the world, and they are dying younger and sooner than ever before. So, my question is, why? These are just some real questions in my mind. I know the bible says that in the last days perilous times will come such as never seen before; I know that is what it says, but haven’t we seen the slaughters of the innocent for hundreds of years? According to the Bible, Adam and Eve’s son, Cain, killed his brother Abel over some nonsense; and that was supposed to be the beginning of mankind on earth. Have we been living in the last days on earth forever, and is there really a forever after where peace will reign? Well, hopefully this book will help us learn to live in this troubled world right now. Prayers may work for a minute, but is prayer enough? Maybe the answers to my questions will never get answered, but in a small way I hope I can
15 bring you some light and a small bit of help for whatever you may be deal- ing with at the time. Whatever it takes, you must hang in there and not lose the only thing that can possibly help you get through all this stuff. Good luck and don’t lose hope, whatever you do, because hope deferred is not an option if you want to change and see your way to a better future and a better now. Maybe, just maybe, there is a God, and there is a better place called heaven. My suggestion to you is, do not try to find out if heaven exists while you are living. Hang in there and hold on to your san- ity with gratitude and faith that you are going to make it right here on God’s green earth; because the truth of the matter is, no one has ever come back from the dead to tell us what heaven is like. And frankly, I’m not interested in finding out, and you shouldn’t be either. Life is for the living, not for dying before your time. And remember this: No CHALLENGE, No CHANGE. No sacrifice, no triumph. MENTAL PROBLEMS and PROFESSIONAL HELP If you are having mental health problems and cannot seem to shake them off, get help immediately from a licensed professional and call the num- bers listed below. Help is always available, and it beats the alternative. De- nial is not a cure for feeling overwhelmed in your head. There is always someone you can go to talk to about what is bothering you. I know this is going to sound like crazy advice, but I do not recommend that you trust certain family members, or your church pastors or so-called spiritual ad- visers, unless you know you can absolutely trust them with your deepest pains and problems. All I am saying is, whomever you choose to talk to, make sure they don’t have a dog in the fight, and they really care about you. A licensed therapist is someone you can trust, and your secret pains and problems will most assuredly not be misjudged and transformed into the latest churchgoer’s gossip. Sad, but a true story of my own experience. This is not a recommendation for everyone; there truly are some really cool pastors and religious leaders who are good people, but remember
16 they are just people and not gods and gurus. What I can tell you for sure is that there are no crystal balls or magic genie lamps that you can gaze into or rub on to fix your mind. If you are having long periods of feeling melancholy or just down and out… get some help, please. I am here to help, because I have been there, and even now as I write this book, I must control my emotions so they do not control me by giving me funky feelings. You will learn a lot about feelings in this book and what to do about the bad ones, which are nothing more than funky thoughts. You will learn how to change your thoughts when it is necessary for you to regain a sense of well-being. The main thing to know about feelings is that they are en- ergy and energy must act out. You must become the master of your own mind, for the simple fact that you are in control of it anyway. But you must put in some work to get your power back, and that means you need to get some help for yourself or someone else. It’s a love thing. Just remember this: you are always the master of your thoughts, so be in- credibly careful what you think about and who you share those thoughts with. Always think first before you speak and act… words have power and energy, and your actions, whether intentional or reactive, have conse- quences. Be careful about those to whom you give your power and in whom you confide. There are many resources for help these days, and most, if not all those resources are free and discretionary. All you need to do is Google free mental counselling. Here are a few re- sources that I am aware of, although there are many new ones available. Be- low are a few online therapy websites: Google or call the resources listed below if you are having any issues with your mental state of mind or know of anyone you think might need some help… no matter if they admit it or not. When my oldest sister died, while I was tweaking this book, I had to seek counselling for the first time in my life. I had lost a baby brother in the same year, a sister-in-law, and another sister in a fire in 2004. It was becoming too much for my heart to bear. So, the therapist needed to seek a therapist, and it certainly helped me grieve better.
17 Here are some recommendations: https://www.betterhelp.com/ https://bestonlinethera- pyservices.com https://www.sondermind.com/find National Suicide Prevention: 800-273-8255 or dial 988. Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. Na- tional Institute of Mental Health: 1-866-415-8051 Hours: 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern time, M-F https://www.betterhelp.com This is NEW but has gotten good reviews. CHILDREN Help https://.nimh.nih.gov National Institute of Mental Health Email: nimhinfo@nih.gov Hours: 8:30 a.m. - 5 p.m. ET, M-F Phone: 1-866-615-6464 If you need help, get help; don’t wait! And do not forget your CHILDREN! Look for signs in your kids and teens… Not eating, NOT WANTING TO GO TO SCHOOL, sleeping a lot, and not wanting to engage with their friends or family. There could be some bullying going on at school or maybe on the playground in your neighborhood, or worst yet, drugs. Our children really matter; they are our future, and they hurt just like we do. OMG, for THE SCHOOL SHOOTINGS and BODY SHAMING, please get them some HELP. “The mind is a terrible thing to waste!”
18 ~Arthur Fletcher He was the head of the United Negro College Fund 1972 THE FUNCTION AND PURPOSE OF THE BRAIN The brain is a complex organ that controls thought, memory, emotion, touch, motor skills, vision, breathing, temperature, hunger and every pro- cess that regulates our body. Together, the brain and spinal cord that ex- tends from it make up the central nervous system, or CNS. How it Works The brain weighs about 3 pounds in the average adult; it’s about 60% fat. So, the next time someone calls you a fat head, do not get offended; they are correct in their jovial insult. The remaining 40% is a combination of wa- ter, protein, carbohydrates and salts. It is not a muscle. It contains blood vessels and nerves, including neurons and glial cells. Therefore, the next time you get a headache, someone probably got on your last nerves, liter- ally. It is important that you understand how the brain works to help you make the necessary changes in your life, and it all starts with what you think, period. This is not a lesson on neuron anatomy, but I need you to understand somewhat how important it is to nurture your brain with good thoughts to have a good life. This is the sole purpose of this book. Your brain controls everything about you, physical and mental. The brain sends and receives chemical and electrical signals throughout the brain. Different signals control different processes, and your brain in- terprets each. Some make you feel tired, while others make you feel pain. With that said, you do have control over your brain, but it all depends on how well you nourish your thoughts. This nourishment totally consists of good nutrition, exercise, and good thoughts. These three are intercon- nected, and if one element is off, the whole process is off. The good news is that you are always in control of your thoughts. But because of outside
19 conditions or influences, your thoughts have been altered within the sub- conscious with adverse or dysfunctional beliefs and situations beyond our control. But this too can be fixed with consistent positive affirmations and learning from and cultivating Stoic and biblical wisdom (Proverbs). I will dedicate a chapter to Stoicism and Ancient Philosophy that will aid you in your mindfulness transformation. Wisdom is the beginning of change, and change of thought is the beginning of living life on purpose and knowing how to handle stress and hardships of life. Here is the reality of life for everyone on earth: no matter how rich or poor you may be or desire to be, the human experience is going to give you some kind of hard- ship, no matter how you live. That is just the hard truth. So let us dig into these pages and see how we can be one step closer to controlling what we can and accepting what we cannot.
20 PREFACE “Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; fig- ure out what you have to say. It’s the one and only thing you have to offer.” Barbara Kingsolver I am a bit embarrassed to write this preface, and I will explain why. Alt- hough I was proud of having a published book over three years ago and put it on Amazon.com, I did not think it was the right message for most people who are really looking for a commonsense answer to change their mindsets and get help with mental stressors and deal better with life and its ever-changing, chaotic evolution. Also, I was trying to write what I thought people wanted to hear, so I did not write in my authentic voice. The main reason for this book is that I wanted to focus on how to help people become truly masters of their thoughts in a practical way. I wanted to be more transparent with my own issues and, by doing so, free myself from lingering self-doubt and my own mental problems. I understood that becoming vulnerable with my own issues could reach more people with the help they needed. In this book, I do not sugarcoat what is really happening in our heads. This includes me. So, here is what I know about writing a book now. Not much! I’m a gifted poet and perhaps an author, but some would beg to differ… LOL. What I know now is that perhaps you should write a preface because some peo- ple might want to know why you decided to author the book in the first place. And that, my friend, is the definition of a Preface. So, here’s my reason for writing this one: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING - YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS, Train Your Brain Book II. To be honest, the first reason is that I genuinely care about people, and I know it can be a crazy world to live in, and we can feel like we are losing our minds at times- well, most of the time. Secondly, I decided to author
21 book two because I was not happy with the editing by the first publisher and what I wrote in the first book. But to my surprise, after two years, it did okay on Amazon, even though I did not try to market it. All I can say is, what a surprise, LOL! I continue to surprise myself as I stay on this amazing journey. I believe that this book is going to be my baby. I felt so liberated and free when I was writing it, although it would take me an- other year because I was still working forty hours a week due to inflation and trying to bounce back from the COVID-19 PANDEMIC. For the first time in all my years of writing, I felt I could be myself and speak in my authentic voice. And now, I have since learned the true wisdom of the mind. I prayed to God to give me wisdom instead of praying for more money. Wow, what was I thinking when I prayed that prayer? The Infinite Spirit surely did start to answer my prayer, and literally I started going through more stuff and self-revelations that had me put this book on hold for another year, losing a car and walking and catching buses and trains again, just to get to work. But let me say this: it was worth the extra trials and struggles. Now I am here again with more wisdom and experiences to share with the world, or those who choose to read my books and listen to my podcast. Does anyone ever read PREFACE? I’m just saying! As an avid reader, writer, and poet for over twenty-five years, it finally dawned on me that I never knew what a “PREFACE” was, nor did I ever read it. This is embar- rassing for me to admit. So, I decided to pick up one of my favorite au- thors' books to see if he had started his book with a “PREFACE.” That au- thor just so happens to be Barack Obama. I read his preface, and that gave me a clue as to how to write my own. I must say, President Obama is a genius, and anything he has to say is well worth reading, even without knowing why he wrote it. So here is another reason why I decided to write this book. The second reason I decided to author this one is that I had more life- changing experiences to share with the world about the mindset process and how powerful our thoughts are and how they affect our lives and the
22 lives of those we share this earth with. Thirdly, I had no idea what I was doing when I wrote the first book. Also, terrible things continued to hap- pen in the world that made my mouth and eyes buck wide open, to the point I got both dry eyes and dry mouth at the same time…LOL! Now, that is being transparent. They say tell the truth and the truth will set you free, right? I hope so! And so much has transpired since I wrote my first published book, Train Your Brain, Be Ye Transformed by The Re- newing of Your Mind. Some of those affirmations I listened to really did help me, and they helped a lot. Especially the affirmation, “I am happy and at peace when I am alone.” That is the one thing that really stuck with me, and it feels great to be at peace these days and not needing to be around people all the time, unless I want to. Eventually, as you read and learn some of the techniques in this book, you will also feel happy and at peace when you are by yourself, because you really are never alone. In solitude, there is a treasure store of creativity if you seek to go into the deep cavity of your subconscious mind. To do this, you will need to learn to sit quietly with yourself and focus on your breaths and your “I Am” affirmations. It could be just that simple. Med- itation, prayer and imagination are the keys to manifesting desires. Abundance is always all around us. If you just take a moment and look around you and your present surroundings, there is an abundance of stuff to see and do. You are never alone when you have self-love, because God is in you; you cannot fail unless you just decide you want to pretend that life isn’t worth trying for something better. Also, the reason I decided to author another book, honestly, I learned how to master my thoughts to a degree, where I learned how to gain control over them without the headphones and moaning, groaning, chanting, and countless hours of meditation. Nothing wrong with meditation, but it really is not for everybody. This new enlighten knowledge led me to
23 want to explain to you why we think the way we do and how we can con- trol our minds, so we don’t go crazy in a bizarre world. And when I learned the stoicism of ancient philosophers, that is what put the icing on the cake and the cherry on top of my journey to self-improvement and creative wisdom. Accordingly, I am writing this second book to help you fortify and em- power your mind to have more self-control over your life and protect your- self from self-sabotaging your sanity and dreams of a better life and a bet- ter you. You are the master of your thoughts; we have just been taught to allow others to control us. That’s not okay. One traumatic event that happened after my first book was that I had a life-altering five-hour back surgery during a deadly global pandemic in the year 2020; it was the beginning of COVID-19. I could have written a book just about COVID-19, but I won’t. It is too much sadness and death to write about, and I want to help you get past all that drama anyway, if that’s even possible. This is one reason I decided to write BOOK TWO, YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING. Well, so much for the preface of my book. Hope you enjoy reading, and hopefully I can help you find some answers to why you feel the way you do sometimes and learn to master your thoughts. Let’s go!
24 INTRODUCTION In Train Your Brain, I focused on the power of Affirmations, Brainwave Entrainment, Binaural Frequencies, and self-hypnosis to reprogram your subconscious mind to manifest life-changing circumstances. All of which was good advice and guidance but didn’t really explain how man and his thoughts work in a practical sense. The self-hypnosis part of my first book scared people, even though I tried to explain that all hypnosis is self-hyp- nosis and is done simply by repeating positive affirmations to reprogram your subconscious mind. I’ve discovered that IMAGINATION is the key to real manifestation. Yes, everything that was and is created starts with imagination. I’ll explain in a later chapter. You are on your way to understanding why you think the way you do and how to think your way to peace of mind, success, love, and true happiness, although I do not claim to have all the answers and, frankly, who really has those answers anyway. Hopefully I can help just a little with this book. If you have ever hit yourself upside your head and asked yourself the ques- tion, “What was I thinking?” This book is for you. Inside this enlightening and discerning guide, you will find quotes from some of my most prolific and philosophical authors and poets as well as my own quotes and Bible verses that have helped me get through all the crazy nonsense thoughts in my head and the stuff going on in the world right now that can drive even the most optimistic Zen Guru out of their minds. There’s hope for us all to resolve our own inward experiences and remember, every thought mat- ters. At this point in time in the history of the human experience, things on this earth are going haywire, just very crazy, and it seems like everything and everyone is pretty messed up in their heads, to say the least, except for you and me, right? It is like we are living in the midst of constant nonsense, mayhem, and upheaval. And, sad to say, we are! We are really living in Perilous Times!
25 If you don’t bury your head in the sand and become a last-day watchman, the times we live in will deeply scare you and even the greatest optimists and devout gurus, consuming any little hope for a better day that you may have. What I mean by “watchmen” is you need to know what is going on around you, and how to handle your thoughts about it, so you don’t let life do you in and drive you insane! I know I said do not spend too much of your valuable time watching the news, but you need to know what’s going on, because problems keep happening daily. Is there a way out of all this nonsense? I don’t have the answer to that question. All I can say is, you must change the way you think about the things that are happening to you and all around you. You do not even have to wait to watch your favorite Zombie, apocalyptic fiction movie, or “The Walking Dead,” anymore. All we need to do is turn on the news of the day, and there it is! Who would have ever believed we would have had a crazy seditious President that excited an insurrection in the United States of America, for all to see with their very eyes on TV? And that guy is still hanging around two years later, making trouble and declared he is running for President again in 2024, while under criminal investigations. It is getting crazier and crazier. Fast forward to 2026, when I decided to finish and publish this book, the world got even crazier! Trump became President again and started an ille- gal war with Iran, and gas prices are $4.00 a gallon! It is extremely crazy, but that doesn’t mean we go crazy with the crazy stuff. We must choose our- selves now. No one is coming to save you. That sounds scary, but it is the truth. Stay with me throughout this journey. As they say, “It isn’t over until it’s over.” And living through a global pandemic that was politicized, that caused hundreds of thousands, even millions of people, to die before our very eyes! And people are still dying from diseases because they do not want to get the vaccine that can cure them! It is very wild and beyond understand- ing, and now there is the Monkey Pox, and God only knows what is next. People are killing each other like it’s an Olympic sport and a gold medal
26 to be won. Suicide is at an all-time high among the young, poor and the rich alike. It seems like there is a mass school shooting every month or even every week. It is a heartbreaking time to live in, but we can find hope in training our brains not to go completely nuts. People are losing hope as though there was never such a thing as faith, and I can understand why. When you hear that someone goes into a daycare center and murders thirty (30) innocent little babies and then turns around and goes home and kills his wife and his own baby, it is enough to make you not want to live in this crazy world, or on this earth! And it is only getting worse by the day. But you are not on another planet. You are an earthling, a humanoid with the power to decide and think, unlike the beast. The right choices will ele- vate your situation. You and you alone have the keys to life or death, and that power is in your tongue, orchestrated by your mind. “Man is made or unmade by himself. By the right choice he ascends. As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation...” — James Allen CRAZY IS EVERYWHERE Crazy wildfires burning out of control everywhere and global weather epic disasters that we used to call “NATURAL” that have never been nat- ural or normal at all. Oh my God, let us not forget the “mass shootings and killings that seem to be the daily norm. There is nothing normal about humans shooting and killing other innocent humans, like it is no big deal. You not only have to wear a face mask, but body armor just to go to the grocery store these days! What in the world is going on? It is truly “crazy town,” EVERYWHERE and EVERYDAY, so much craziness it makes me sick to even write about!
27 How do we stay sane in a world where insanity is running rampant like a California wildfire with Santa Ana Winds blowing like a blustery constant windstorm, on the hottest summer day ever? It is really frightening, to say the least. If you have never experienced Santa Ana winds… then consider yourself lucky if you wear a wig; it would be a real bad hair day for sure. Oh, and let us not forget the earthquakes, floods, and tornadoes in places that have never witnessed weather like that. How do we not lose our minds? How? I could say that I am writing this book to help us better understand what is really going on in our minds and what’s driving you crazy, but I can’t. I could say that I am authoring this book to keep from losing my own san- ity, but that would be a selfish, sensationalized outright lie. I am writing with the hope that I may help as many people as I possibly can to not lose their minds. It is the truth. And the truth will set me free. And hopefully you can be set free also. You must train your brain, or that grey matter will go too much. And you know what they say, “The mind is a terrible thing to waste.” Most fiction writers write to exercise their own demons. Well, not all fic- tion authors write about horror and demise. Some of them write about magical love stories. When you exorcise your own demons, you must give them somewhere else to go, outside of your brain. And what better place for them to go than in a book or some other creative adventure? Why do I refer to crazy thoughts as demons? The reason is, if you are thinking about negative stuff and feeling like you are a victim of circumstances, you are demonizing your authentic goodness and self-sabotaging your true mental potential. Great authors have always written best-sellers by putting their creative or crazy thoughts, harbored dreams and fantasies in self-help books, novels and true-to-life memoirs. Some life situations can be scary to say the least. What we see happening around the world and here at home is enough to drive anyone nuts. It is truly horrifying to watch the news. It is as though
28 evil has blocked out the supreme light, but that is impossible. The light is in you and always has been. Because you are created in the image of the Supreme Light, whom I will call God Almighty. Evil is an illusion of real- ity, and reality in its perception a belief of something that hasn’t happened yet, a false shadow. By earnest self-examination strive to realize, and not merely hold as a theory, that evil is a passing phase, a self-created shadow; that all your pains, sorrows, and misfortunes have come to you by a pro- cess of undeviating and absolutely perfect law; have come to you be- cause you deserve and require them, and that by first enduring, and then understanding them, you may be made stronger, wiser, nobler. When you have fully entered this realization, you will be able to mold your own circumstances, to transmute all evil into good and to weave, with a master hand, the fabric of your destiny. ~James Allen I am here to inform you that there is hope! Hope in those things we cannot see sounds like false reality at best, but it only works if you know how to use your imagination to create. It’s not about what you see and hear. Be- lieve more in the eternal light of the world than in the moments of ig- norance and darkness, which I will call evil or ignorance. All we need is a little bit of faith (about the grain of a mustard seed) and a whole lot of knowledge and HOPE in what you see in your imagination until it feels real; see it in your mind and believe it in your heart and put no time limit on it; just know you are deserving. My hope is that you find peace of mind and go for the unlimited possibilities that are out there for all of us when we learn to master our thoughts. You are possible! The voices in your head are yours. Let’s think better thoughts because the truth is, we can any time we choose to do it.
29 “So, we fix our eyes NOT on what is Seen, but what is unseen since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrew 11:1 NIV So, therefore, I decided to write this second book on training your brain and changing your thoughts to change your life. I realized as I struggled to understand how to control my thoughts of despair and lack of hope in a more abundant and peaceful life, that hope and faith were not enough to create lasting change. I had to train my own brain to think differently, and I want to help you do the same. I still had those little negative voices in my head, who I call the little crazy people or “brain weeds,” continually trying to choke out the beautiful gar- den of thoughts that took me months and years to cultivate. Hope was not enough, plus it always eluded me like a hopeless dream of winning the Powerball lottery, because I don’t even play the lottery. And you know what they say, “You can’t win if you don’t play. So, I say, you can’t think better if you don’t know how to think better thoughts. Therefore, I am writing this book to help you get into the game of mindfulness so you too can become winners of the authentic thinker’s lottery. What you will win is bigger than all the money and tea in China. You will win the game of life without going crazy. Like it or not… crazy stuff is not going anywhere soon. It will continue to haunt you if you compromise with every fleeting thought that comes to mind. Thoughts are like the waves of the ocean. The tide comes into the shore and then, in seconds, goes back into the mass ocean waters. In and out, it never stays. So, it is with our thoughts. I call this process of the mind “The Drunken Monkey syndrome. I’ll talk about that monkey in my next book.
30 I still had those little negative voices in my head, who I call the little crazy people or “brain weeds,” continually trying to choke out the beautiful garden of thoughts that took me months and years to cultivate. But what I have learned is that the brain weeds continue to grow if you do not use the right mind weed killer. You must kill the brain weeds at the root. The thoughts are like a drunken monkey hopping from limb to limb with no apparent destination. That is the subject of my next book, where I delve deeper into the thought process as it relates to subconscious triggers of past experiences. Hope for clear thinking and mindfulness mastery is the goal. Yet, hope was not enough, plus it always eluded me like a hopeless dream of winning the Lottery Powerball because I don’t even play the lottery. And you know what they say, “You can’t win if you don’t play. So, I say, you think better if you learn how to think better thoughts. Therefore, I am writing this book to help you get into the game of mindfulness so you too can be- come winners of the authentic thinker’s lottery. What you will win is bigger than all the money and tea in China. You will win the game of life without going crazy. Like it or not… crazy is not going anywhere anytime soon. We are going to have to think our way out of the madness. It is not easy, but it is possible. As a man thinks, so is his life’s outcome. What I discovered is that you can never truly completely kill off brain weeds if there are outside influences surrounding the attractive garden of your beautiful mind. I had to think and speak differently to myself. Most of all, I needed to revive my hope in the unseen and go beyond superficial faith, to eventually see my dreams and aspirations come to fruition. De- ciding to write another book was, to me, my way of dealing with my own unrecognized thoughts. What I will call leftover brain weeds. Thoughts I created from the world that surrounds me, because I continued to buy into the nonsense that kept coming at me, even after the pandemic. It was a painful time for every one of us on earth. Pain is something we are all going to face sooner or later. Right thinking can help ease the inevitable blow of heartache and suffering. This is the hard truth, yet it is truth, and
31 the truth will set you free; you know how to deal with it. Detachment is one way, but that is a subject I will write about later in my next book. Here is some information I call a necessary spoiler alert: attachment breeds pain and disappointment. I also continued to feel the pain of losing close family members. If you have ever lost a mom, dad, two sisters and two baby brothers… or a child, then you know where I am coming from; that kind of love really hurts you to the bone. That pain hurts deeply, but it is life and as long as you are still living… death is still gonna keep happening, and it isn’t going to ease up; therefore, we better gear up our minds and fortify our brain cells for what’s coming down the road of life. Not to sound like a doomsday prophet, but in this world as it is now, life is going to get harder. And the sad truth is, no one is coming to save you. You are going to have to get yourself together now, not later. The Garden of Your Mind Let’s explore our minds as if it is a garden that needs to be cultivated and cared for constantly so that it brings forth a healthy and vivacious crop. Your mind is like a sponge, soaking up everything that unconsciously passes by. What you see, what you hear and what you imagine. The best analogy I can use is this: you hire a top-notch landscape com- pany to weed your beautiful lawn and make your sod/grass look like an im- pressive green carpet, and your neighbors do not do the same. Then, in their envy of your gorgeous lawn, they decide to go out and cut their grass also, after two months of growing dandelions, so they do not look like the lazy bums that they truly are. Let me not call them lazy bums; they just do not have the mindset to uproot the cause of the ugly lawn. Now their lawn mowers are blowing weed seedlings all over the neighbor- hood and on your well-manicured lawn as well. This means you have to constantly pay your gardeners extra to treat your lawn every month. Do
32 you get what I am trying to convey? I have been there. Controlling your thoughts is not only important for your health and your lifespan, but for your sanity as well; if not carefully guarded, your uncontrolled thoughts will cause you to think of thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else. Even worse, they can drain your energy levels. And drained energy leads to weakness and despair. You must keep on treating your mind with good thoughts and positive affirmations. I say, we need to constantly be putting out the spiritual Roundup (weed killer) in the garden of our minds. We must do it! Your life depends on you becoming well-balanced mentally. We already have enough fruit cakes in the world, under the guise of “Very Stable Geni- uses!” We even had a President of the United States who was a straight-up Looney Toon! Why do you have to try and convince people you are not crazy if you are a stable human being? You don’t! Fast forward, that fool was elected president again in 2025; this book is not about him. I wrote this book three years ago when they were holding hearings about how he tried to stop the peaceful transfer of power. Life is stranger than fiction. It is a true adage. They say that confession is good for the soul. I say that confession is good for your mind. But be careful what you say, and who you make confes- sions to and what you confess aloud to others. If you are behaving like a decent and upright citizen, people will see it and give you the praise you are due; you don’t have to try and convince anyone that you are not crazy if you’re not acting like a crazy person. Do you get my point? The universe is always listening and waiting for you to command it to give you what you speak and what you think. Your thoughts are powerful, and your thoughts are energies that vibrate their frequencies through your words via your thoughts.
33 With that said, your words have just as much power as the thoughts that produce them. Even more! Do not think for a minute that you can secretly harbor ill and poisonous thoughts and they will not eventually come to fruition. They will manifest themselves eventually. Remember, thoughts are energies and intuitive minds will always be able to pick up your vibra- tions. So be very careful with your unspoken thoughts about others. Eventually, your body language will not be able to keep what you are thinking secret. You don’t even have to say a word, but if you think about a cheeseburger long enough while you're driving home from work, knowing that your spouse has prepared a beautiful salad and some baked salmon waiting for you when you get home, you probably will stop by McDonald’s or Burger King before you reach your destination. With juicy special sauce, mustard and ketchup dripping down onto your clean outfit, you will not give a ei- ther, until you get home and have to explain why you’re not hungry. Think about the hundreds of times you had a silent craving for chocolate candy or ice cream and ended up with a sweet, creamy chocolate bar or ice cream cone melting on your palate, and now you can’t figure out why you did that, after you just lost ten pounds this week. It was a one-minute thought at most, yet you gave in to it. If you do not believe it, put it to the test right now. Silent thoughts become things if thought about long enough. And honestly, it really does not take a lot of thought to manifest that thing or things. It is hard to resist our cravings for things that are un- healthy if we are constantly thinking about the forbidden fruits. I also authored this book to help myself as well. Life can be a bear, and the nonsense is never going to stop, but with the power of your thoughts, you can survive the unbearable. You can elevate your mind, master your thoughts, master your destiny, and change your unpleasant circum- stances. You can create a new reality for yourself and the ones you love by changing the way you think about things.
34 Just remember, your sanity comes first; your job is NOT to try and fix or please everyone you love, nor those you do not love. The goal here is to learn to love yourself and understand that it all starts with the way you think and the things you think about. When we stop trying to fix others and work on fixing ourselves, we begin to see real change in our character. Every one of us can use some genuine fixing of our minds… we all can become brain mechanics. Please pay close attention to the quotes in this book. You can always flip through the pages and refer to them when you need an extra boost of encouragement… the road to good mental health is a constant journey, so get ready for the ride and enjoy your life along the way to healing your brain. Happy reading, my friends, and I wish you all the best. “What you are, so is your world. Everything in the universe is resolved into your own inward experience. It matters little what is without, for it is all a reflection of your own state of consciousness. It matters what you are within, for everything without will be mirrored and colored accordingly. All that you positively know is contained in your own experience; all that you ever will know must pass through the gateway of ex- perience and so become part of yourself. Your own thoughts, desires, and aspirations comprise your world, and, to you, all that there is in the universe of beauty, joy, and bliss, or of ugliness, sorrow, and pain, is contained within your- self. By your own thoughts you make or mar your life, your world, your universe.” ~James Allen Silent Thoughts Become Things, If You Think About That Thing Long Enough, it shall come to fruition.
35 The Hippocampus -A Complex Instrument All your habits of thinking and acting out of habitual circumstances are stored in your subconscious mind, the hippocampus. The Hippocampus is a complex brain structure embedded deep into the temporal lobe. It has a major role in learning and memory. It is a plastic and vulnerable structure that gets damaged by a variety of stimuli. Studies have shown that it also gets affected in a variety of neurological and psychiatric disorders. It has memorized all your comfort zones, and it works to keep you in them, even if it is not to your mental benefit. But the good news is you have the power to change your neurological and psychiatric disorders. This book and my first book, Train Your Brain, can help you. At least that is my goal in writ- ing to you. Your subconscious mind causes you to feel emotionally and physically uncomfortable whenever you attempt to do anything new or different. It goes against changing any of your established patterns of behavior. Yet there are exceptions in the patterns of behavior, which include Bipolar Disorders, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), or blunt force trauma and even birth defects. Serious brain injuries may cause substantial dam- age to the head, and therefore special medical attention should be ad- dressed as soon as possible. Oh, and let me not forget MENOPAUSE, if you have never experienced this hormonal imbalance, please do not judge women on how crazy they act sometimes. This disorder can sometimes make you feel like a crazy out of control looney. I know for myself that the rage going on inside of me is not my fault, but yet I must still rein in my emotions and get some control over my outbursts of anger. Menopause is very difficult, to say the least. You can feel your subconscious pulling you back toward your comfort zone each time you try something new. Even thinking about doing some- thing different from what you are accustomed to will make you feel tense and uneasy. Change, even if it is to our benefit, is very hard, and even the
36 most disciplined person will have a hard time changing if they do not have the right information on how to make the subconscious obey their desires. Here is a good example: losing weight. Let’s look at dieting, for example. Most of us have gone on a diet at least a hundred times. Every time we put our foot down and make resolutions or are determined to lose unwanted pounds of fat, we are more than likely to fail without the right mindset tools to make it happen. Yes, I said, mindset tools. You need to learn what these tools are to create lasting change because the hippocampus/subconscious is used to having its way with you from birth, and change is a menace to what you are comfortable with or your habits. To trick the mind into changing for the better, you are going to have to reprogram it and using affirmations, along with neu- ral plasticity and brainwave entrainment, is the only way, on a consistent basis, that it is done. One of the biggest habits of successful people is that they are always stretch- ing themselves or pushing themselves out of their comfort zones. They are very aware of how quickly the comfort zone, in any area, becomes a rut. They know that complacency is the great enemy of creativity and fu- ture possibilities. Yet bad habits are extremely hard to break. But here is one important point I need you to remember: “No CHALLENGE No CHANGE, No Sacrifice No Gain.” Reprogramming your subconscious is unquestionably going to be a challenge. But it can be done. You can do it. Let’s look at the famous and extremely rich Oprah Winfrey, for starters. With all her money and power, even she could not win the battle of pro- tuberance; that word means, bulge, swelling of the fat cells. Discipline weight loss is hard, and even the most prolific and mentally capable peo- ple have a problem getting rid of those unwanted pounds. The purpose of this book is to train your subconscious mind to obey the
37 dictates of the conscious mind to harness the power of thought and mas- tery of mindfulness. This is what it means to become a conscious thinker. Authentic self-elevating power is in your control. It is time to become your own superhero… you are possibilities unimaginable. The Power of Your Mind The power of thought is in your mind, and your thoughts are your power. You are the master of your thoughts and the director and producer of your present moments and your destiny. Life can only give you what the mind perceives and believes and creates from continual thoughts and brain Entrainment. Impure thoughts and words will always produce their own fruit. Pure thoughts will produce the fruit of a pure, joyous, and prosperous life. But never forget that it is your words that proceed from your mind out of your mouth that have the manifesting powers to change your life or the lives of other people. Your words have energy. You will hear me say this throughout this book. Your words have enormous en- ergy! Your thoughts have even more energy because most of the time we are not aware of the silent vibrations we are sending into the atmosphere. These quiet thoughts can keep us trapped in old patterns of ourselves that we don’t want any association with anymore. “You are the conscious masters and the master gardener of all the seed thoughts that you have planted, or allowed to fall there hith- erto; all by yourself you are the mindful or mindless masters of your own mind.” ~James Allen Was James Allen a prophet or philosopher of the mind? How is it that he wrote these thoughts over a hundred years ago, and they are more relevant today than ever? We will explore mindful mastery in depth as we continue to read. Please stay with me as I open a whole new way of manifesting and thinking. It may not solve everyone’s issues, but it is a start. Believe it or not, you are still in control of your mind. You truly are your thoughts.
38 You Are Always in Control It is so easy to blame others for your problems and circumstances, but the truth is, you are always in control of you. Your mindfulness is yours and your thoughts are yours alone, even though there are some exceptions. But the truth is, as human beings, it is so convenient to put the blame on some- one else other than yourself. I get that. I did it for years and years. It made me feel better about myself not to have to face my own feelings of despair. It was so easy to blame what happened to me in my past and to blame others for the foolish choices I have made in my life. I have lost good friends and people special to me because of my foolish thoughts and not understanding that I was the problem, not them. To ignore your mental disabilities is like an ostrich burying its head in the sand till his head rots off or he loses his breath and keels over till he drops dead. You are not an animal, and at creation, if you believe in creation, you were given a unique brain and the ability to think above the level of the beast. This is what I will call voluntary ignorance when you refuse to use your brain’s powers. It’s time to come up for some fresh air and train your brain. First, it is important to acknowledge that we all have some form of mental disability, and we only use a fraction of our brain power. Ad- mitting this to yourself is the beginning of change. It is the same technique that Alcoholics Anonymous members use when attempting to overcome their addiction to venomous drinks. Well, maybe I shouldn’t refer to al- cohol as “venomous drinks,” because venom is a poison excreted from a snake that might kill you quickly if you are not treated immediately. But, if you think about it, the same thing can occur if you do not get your ad- dictions treated immediately. When you call 911, the operator will ask you what is wrong with you, and if you don’t tell them you have just been bitten by a rattlesnake, they will not know how to help you. It is the same with an addiction or overdose; you must first admit you have a drinking problem or medicating your problems with pills. I tell people all the time that I have a crazy sense of
39 humor, but eventually I admit that I am just a little bit silly at times. There is a difference between being a little silly and just being an outright loony buffoon. But, if you must explain that you are just joking, it is no longer a joke. There is nothing funny about being an addict or suicidal. Your Power is in your subconscious mind, which is con- trolled by your conscious mind; you are the master of both. We all have been in that headspace at some time in our lives, where if we can blame others for our present mental condition, it keeps us in a safe zone mentally. No one wants to acknowledge that we might have a little issue with the way we think and behave. It is safer for our wits to feel like we are normal when we know something is wrong with us. That safe zone allows us to feel sane, and everyone else is the crazy ones. It is an easy and lazy convenience to stay in the safe zone of thoughts and circumstances. The good news is, there will come a time when you want to fix yourself. And, if time is on your side, you can and will experience that life-changing mindset. But you must want to change; you must want to face your inner demons. Stop trying to convince yourself that you are okay when you know you have a problem. CULTIVATING GOOD THOUGHTS Cultivating good thought seeds can only produce a good harvest in its sea- son. Man is the master gardener of his soul. He and he only can cultivate his garden. He may ask for outside influences and opinions of others as to what to plant and grow in his garden, but ultimately what grows will be his own doing because he gave his power over to another to control his outcomes and is weakened by outside controls. I am not by any means saying that you do not need to see a licensed professional for help if you are feeling mentally out of whack. If you are not in a good headspace, get help, and please do not be in denial when it comes to your children. If you know that little Johnny or Suzy is on the Internet learning how to make ghost
40 guns or in the garage experimenting on how to make bombs, you had bet- ter get them some help too. I am very sure it is not a part of their home- work. You better not go around bragging about your kid when they have already shown you that they have a problem. If you can remember the Menéndez brothers’ story, how they blew their parents’ heads off so that they could have their inheritance sooner rather than later, I am telling you, please don’t think it can’t happen to you. If you don’t remember this story, you should look it up on Google. There have been many more bizarre stories of kids killing their parents, grand- parents, and going to their school to kill some more innocent young peo- ple. Life right now in this world is not a joke. People are going crazy and becoming more unstable with time. You do not have to be a part of the crazy stuff. You must get help, or get help for someone else if you know they are having mental health issues. It is not a weak-minded man who admits he needs outside guidance for his mental state, but it is a very resilient man who goes out of his way to eliminate the crazy voices in his head. He is a strong-minded man who can recognize that he needs help. Let’s get really real… stuff is getting out of hand, and it is humans who are causing the problems. There will always be outside influences that can affect the mind. But a mind that is easily influenced is a mind that refuses to think right thoughts and is comfortable avoiding thoughts of goodness and charity under its own power. Unless you are a child or teenager whose brain has not fully developed, this is unacceptable behavior. He who lacks control over his own mind is an imbecile or a simpleton; at his worst, he is a moron. He says to himself, “I do not watch the news or current events because it is a form of mind control.” No one can control your mind, no matter what they say or do. You must understand that you and you alone are the mas- ter of your mind, and what you choose to believe or not to believe is al- ways in your control. We are the ones who give others permission to in- vade our brains with useless nonsense. You are not weak-minded. You are a unique and creative individual with the power to think like a genius, at
41 will, without the help of someone else who is innately and obviously ig- norant and opinionated. This is a weak- and feeble-minded man who refuses to accept his present weakened state of mind. He thinks that he can grow his garden of good thoughts like a blossoming cherry tree in spring and flourish with good fruit, without putting in the work of cultivating and fertilizing his brain with the right mindset. He doesn’t feel the need to read the books that will help him grow spirit- ually and mentally or even consider taking a masterclass for self-improve- ment. He has addictions he believes he can control; yet they are destroying his life, but he doesn’t feel he needs intervention. He resists all help from people that love him because he thinks he can cure himself. But he cannot! He is a double-minded man; he’s like a ship without a rudder. This is an egotistical, arrogant, ignorantly proud man, indolent, with an inharmoni- ous mental state of thinking that has disguised itself as “real life,” and his discontentment with this life he’s created for himself has become the vi- carious norm. He thinks secret thoughts of laziness and languorousness; this is an indo- lent man. He is not inclined to exert himself, and slothfulness and poverty seek upon him like a thief in the night and become his inevitable outcome. He seeks to take what he has not rightfully earned, yet feels he is entitled to have the best. He is at best living in a delusional mindset. This man can hold master’s degrees and can even have a Ph.D., yet he is ignorant when it comes to common sense. He secretly harbors thoughts of suicide or hurting himself or someone else, and if not helped, his fate of despair will have the victory. Yet there is still hope for this person. He can right him- self by altering his thoughts about people, circumstances, and himself, and he must stop blaming others for his degraded condition. Lazy thoughts and constant groveling and complaining about his life will only serve to take his spirit to the basement level of darkness and blindness, groping for some light. He murmurs of how unfairly everyone treats him, yet he treats himself as if he really has no hope, and he has no idea that it is he who caused his sad condition. Right thinking can be cultivated, with
42 time, truth and patience being his virtuous rescuers. He must stop lying to himself. I would like to use a short example of a person wanting to lose unwanted fat because they know that it is ruining their health. Every Monday he plans to go on a diet and get to the gym for a thirty-minute walk, yet he makes excuse after excuse and blames the commercial about Burger King and peanut butter cups for his situation. He has always been in control of his own appetite, yet it is easier for him to blame the blameless for his unhealthy condition. On his way to the gym, he makes a stop by the burger joint and says he is just going to order the salad, but when there at the ordering window, he adds a burger and some fries because they are two for one special. Then he blames the lack of money and convinces him- self that he is saving money by seizing an opportunity to get in on a good deal. This is a man who is languorously brain dead and opportunities to right himself become weaker and weaker as he gives in to his unsuccessful goal of losing weight. If he had only chosen the salad and a large cup of water, he would have become more resilient and stronger to resist un- healthy temptations the next time. I have been this man many times in my life. Therefore, I can speak to you about mind-control and how you ulti- mately are always in charge of your thoughts, concerning any matter of choice. Here is another man who has turned the ripe senior age of 64 years and finds himself on a dating site for younger adults, after being married for over 22 years. He blames the women he meets on the dating site of being scam- mers, even though no one has asked him for anything... He blames his ex- wife of 22 years for his loneliness and all his misfortune. Even this man can be helped if, once and for all, he comes to terms with how he chooses to think about his part in what caused his years of relationship failures, but he chooses to think that he can do no wrong… and now he finds himself a very lonely, pessimistic old man and a senior citizen, still looking for love in all the wrong places. How sad. But it is not too late even for him. If he cultivates weed seed thinking, he can only grow weeds. Demising
43 and evil surmising inevitably grow to destroy all hopes and dreams. Weeds will always choke out what good seed thoughts they are trying to grow, no matter how rich the soil and fertilizer. No matter what seed you plant in the garden of your mind, you will always produce its fruit. The man who plants and cultivates good thoughts will always produce good fruit. The man who continually grovels and complains about his life and others and how he feels others treat him, seeing himself as a victim, will inevitably and most surely produce weed seeds that will choke out whatever good thoughts the mind tries to produce. It’s unfortunate that no matter how good the seeds, the rich nourishing fertilizers, weed seeds of groveling and complaining thoughts are much stronger and will always overpower and choke out the good thought seed. Yet there is still hope for a better outcome if you remain hopeful and hold on tight to your dreams and true desires to overcome mindful setbacks. And say to yourself, this too shall pass. You must maintain a hopeful out- look on your life no matter how bad you feel or how weak you may feel at the time. Say, “this too shall pass,” and stop groveling and complaining so much. It is your responsibility to train your own brain to think better thoughts about yourself because you can change. You are possible; just command it so, and it shall be. Regardless of the horticulture skills of the master gardener, if he does not continually cultivate and nourish his garden with good thoughts, he will not grow and flourish. The good news is your brain can be fixed, and your thoughts do not have to ruin future crops. You can change your mind, and when you change the way you think about things, the things you think about will change. In the above analogy about the master gardener, I wanted to show how man is always the master of his thoughts. He is the master cultivator of his life. The wise master knows how to govern his household and can only cultivate prosperity, respect, and love. The unwise thinker is not a reliable
44 and viable master, and he inevitably misgoverns his household and finds no respect, prosperity or love and inevitably finds himself alone and di- vorced by those whom he swore to love, protect, and provide. He is still the master of his thoughts, nonetheless. As the saying goes, “As a Man Thinketh, so is he.”
45 THINKING STUFF Idalia © copyright 2021 Thinking Stuff Man, surmises to contemplate a scheme He is a dreamer without a dream He thinks in secret, and it comes to pass Not think- ing like a masterclass He eventually comes to his fate alas He plans but doesn’t know his own mind So, the trickster chance leaves him behind Not knowing his ill thoughts are not aligned He is a creature of all his thinking stuff And he wonders why his life has been so tough Life will always give him what he will Thinking stuff will always fulfill Once he realizes his thoughts are his own And dis- covers his mastery he begins to atone The trickster chance will leave him alone He gains control of his cerebral gift And his mind and thoughts begin to lift We are all thinking stuff But how we think is up to us I wrote this poem in hopes that it will give you something to think about. We are all thinkers, and we all have the power to control our lives by how we think about things. You are possi- bilities, unimaginable. Believe it!
46 WHAT YOU MAY LEARN IN THIS BOOK HOW TO FIND HELP FOR MENTAL DISORDERS AND HOW YOU CAN RAPIDLY TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE BY CHANGING YOUR THOUGHTS HOW TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR WORDS HOW TO MANIFEST ALL YOUR DESIRES AND DREAMS USING DAILY AFFIRMATIONS LEARN HOW TO SET REALISTIC GOALS HEAL NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS AND ADDICTIONS UNDO NEGATIVE SUBCONSCIOUS PROGRAM- MING AND BELIEF SYSTEMS by IMMEDIATELY CHANGING YOUR THOUGHTS THROUGH PRACTICING MINDFULNESS & THOUGHTFUL TRANSFORMING AFFIRMATIONS HOW TO STOP PROCRASTINATING NOW— WAKE UP THE SLEEPING GIANT
47 CHAPTER ONE The Psychology of Thought Thought (also called thinking) is the mental process in which beings form psychological associations and models of the world. Thought, the act of thinking, produces more thoughts. A thought may be an idea, an image, a sound or even an emotional feeling. ~Wikipedia Right Thinking & Consciousness I do not want to get too deep in this chapter about your psychological mindset because I cannot. I am a mindfulness mentor and a certified health coach. I am not a trained licensed psychologist, although I did study psychology a bit in my freshman year of college; it was my minor. But what I can do is analyze the basic mindset of a man according to uni- versal case studies of man’s relationship with himself and mankind’s basic thought processes, and from my own circumstances and experiences rele- vant to how I changed from allowing my subconscious to control how life happened to me. There is a way that a man thinks that can cause him irreparable harm to himself and to his fellow man, if right thinking is not nurtured with the fierce urgency of now and cultivated on a conscious level to bring about a more peaceful existence with himself and a more harmonious world. “A person is limited only by the thoughts that he chooses.” ~ James Allen
48 Your conscious mind commands and your subconscious mind obeys. Your subconscious mind is an unquestioning servant. It works day and night to make your behavior fit a pattern consistent with your emotion- alized thoughts, hopes, and desires, including those thoughts you wish not to contemplate. What I can get into is how important it is to train your brain to think the right thoughts, regardless of your circumstances. It is not easy to repro- gram your subconscious after years and years of negative, unwanted and unintentional input into your brain, from many different influences. These negative influences can start affecting your personality as early as conception in the mother’s womb. Genetically speaking, these influences can come from previous genera- tions. The sins of the fathers can be visited upon their children. That is why it is so important that we seek to cultivate a changed mindset, as soon as we are old enough to make decisions for ourselves. And, as soon as we start to recognize that something is not quite right with the way we behave and the way we think, we need to start considering how we can change our minds and all the crazy stuff swimming around in our grey matter (the brain). Believe it or not, this can be done instantly, but with much repetition on a consistent basis. You have the power; you just have not been trained to exercise those powers that you have. When a negative thought occurs, immediately say to yourself “no way” and think about something else that makes you smile. I call this technique “Thought diversion.” And believe it or not, it can be done instantly. Also, with consistent practice, it will get easier and easier each time a funky thought creeps into your head.
49 “No Way” and The Will Smith 2022 Oscars Kerfuffle So, You Wanna Be a Real Bad Boy Now? “Bad boy, bad boy, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you?” If you did not watch the 2022 Oscars, I am sure you heard about what the actor Will Smith did. It made the world news and became a Twitter and YouTube hit of all time. Here is how I define what Will Smith did. He left home without his “No Way” brain power. So, what did the actor do? He reacted impulsively with a moment of anger to a joke that the come- dian Chris Rock said about his wife. The thing I had a problem with con- cerning Will was that, at first, when the joke was spouted thoughtlessly from Chris’s mouth, though without intended malice, Will Smith laughed at the joke, but when he turned to look at his wife, his thoughts suddenly changed to a reactive and uncontrollable impulsive decision to walk up on stage and blindside Chris Rock with what I call a “sudden slap”. It was so stupid, to say the least. I can only wonder what Jada Pinkett was thinking. Was she proud of her acting husband? Did she feel vindicated by her hus- band’s crazy, unthoughtful act of violence? Who really knows, right? Will Smith eventually made a video of remorse, explaining his actions and why he did what he did. He said it had nothing to do with his wife at all and that he was deeply sorry for his reactive stunt of anger. I say, too little, too late, but everyone deserves a second chance. The important thing to remember is that PAUSE is your power response. Reacting before the PAUSE will always result in a negative outcome. Give your mind the opportunity to assess the outcome of a possible reaction. Save yourself from yourself. At first, I thought it was planned or a silly stunt of some sort between Will and Chris. But when I heard it was a deliberate action of crazy, cracra, I said to myself, “Will, you left home without your “No Way” mindset. What were you thinking, man? He ruined years of respect and an impressive acting career that spanned
50 over twenty years. Here is the real kicker, or should I say, a real beat your- self up dilemma: he had no idea he was going to win an Oscar that night, or did he? What was he thinking? The answer was, he was not thinking! Maybe he had a Fresh Prince of Bel-Air moment, but this was not a com- edy sitcom. It was real life, and it was a moment that he could never do a retake on. Although he has since apologized repeatedly, the stain of un- fortunate circumstances remains and will be imprinted on the walls of history for a very long time. Unthoughtful reactions or impulsive outbursts of anger are extremely hard to come back from and almost always end with serious unfortunate consequences. You must learn to think first and react later, or do not react at all, not the other way around. This happens a lot in spousal disputes and when dealing with your out-of-control teens. What most of us should do in a heated situation that possibly could turn ugly is to love before we speak. What do I mean by love before you speak? I simply mean, change your thoughts to thoughts of peace and love, and that might change the whole atmosphere from anger. Here is where becoming diplomatic and a more tolerant thinker comes into play. This can be done by taking a big, deep breath and thinking to yourself, “What if I would rather be loved than to be right or what if I’m right, yet I’d rather not fight?” Think about how many times you wished you could take back an encounter by simply keeping your thoughts to yourself and your big mouth shut. If we leave home without our “No Way” mindset, we are all vulnerable to the unsuspected nonsense that awaits each and every one of us, inside and outside the confines of our homes. It does not matter if you are a famous actor or work as an automobile mechanic or a nurse; nonsense is always waiting for you somewhere in the cracks of life. Life is like roaches in the cracks in the walls waiting for the lights to go out. Therefore, I entitled this book, “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING. You must start controlling your thoughts before they control you in a way
51 that you may not be able to come back from. Will Smith is no longer a part of the Oscar invites; well, to be exact, he has been banned from at- tending for ten years. A ten-year ban from attending the Oscars, even if he wins another one, he cannot be there to accept it. This is a real shame. All be- cause of a moment of being brain-dead by reactive impulse, he went from fame to national embarrassment. I still like me some Will Smith, though. So, what can I say, life happens, or it doesn’t have to? I’m just saying… LOL! We have all had our Will Smith moments in life. Perhaps except for my younger daughter… What an angel… We must be more careful with our thoughts. Especially when you have a higher calling or are chosen, you cannot afford to fly off the handle anytime you choose. There must come a time when you get over yourself already. And get off your high horse before you fall hard. Stop acting as if the world revolves around you. Life is always bigger than you, but you still matter. But do not forget this one important thing…no one owes you anything. Take a deep, deep breath and think before you act. Remember, actions have consequences; be they intentional or reactive. So be very aware of your thoughts. My advice to you is, never leave home or work without your “No Way” attitude strapped tight in your grey matter; your “No Way” is one of the master cards you always have available to you on command. You are the master of your mind. It is an extremely powerful tool. “No way” will protect you from scammers, road rage, impulsive buying, destroying rela- tionships, explosive anger and possibly can save your life. Just say “NO” to thoughts that will harm your sanity and health and possibly ruin lifelong career successes. I am not saying that you become a doormat for nonsense or let anyone treat you like your life doesn’t matter, because it does. You just have to see nonsense for what it really is, and most times it is not worth losing your mind over. What I am saying is, sometimes you must let some stuff roll off of you, like
52 water on a duck’s back, kind of like turning the other cheek, while ducking that left hook. Remember Muhammad Ali’s rope-a-dope strategy. It seemed like Ali was leaning on the ropes in a cowardly manner, but when his opponent thought he had him down, Mohammad came up off those ropes, and you know the rest of the story. He was not the dope at all; he was a world champion. Don’t leave home without it! It reminds me of an American Express com- mercial quote, “What’s in your wallet?” And I say, “What’s in your head?” If your answer is “your brain,” don’t leave home without it! Think before you speak! And think better thoughts. You can do it. Say “NO” to negative thoughts and say yes to success, prosperity, and love. It is not that hard to do. Everything is going to be ok! What is true optimism? What it’s not is living in denial. It is all about acceptance. Accept the obstacles with a new perspective. De- cide to explore pessimistic differences with a positive outlook. Train your brain to think differently, and you may never see things the same way again. And say NO to nonsense thoughts; do it instantly because you do have the power. Here’s the good news: we all have the power to master our thoughts, and we have the power to become anything or anyone we want to be regardless of outside influences and circumstances. It is going to take work—and I mean intense, consistent work—to reprogram our minds, but it can be accomplished as soon as we understand the psychology of how our thoughts work to form our characters. Your character, be it honorable, insidious, culpable, or sweet and serene, is a direct result of how you think and the culmination of your collective conscious thoughts on a continuous basis. The good news is, we can change the way we think about things if we want to at any time. You have the power to think like a winner; you don’t have to think like an idiot or a loser; the choice is always yours. “When you change the way you look at things,
53 the things you look at change” ~Dr. Wayne Dyer I will say it like this. When you change the way you think about things, the things you think about will change. Here’s why I say it differently from Dr. Dyer, although I totally agree with his quote; thought is always the master of even what you see. Thought is the master of everything connected to your body; this includes what you perceive with your eyesight, as well as what vibrates off of your tongue, what you taste and everything else dealing with your body. Your body is the slave to the mind. It obeys the dictates of the mind. This is the simple psychology of how our minds work. Every thought pro- duces what it allows to manifest into the physical realm if you think and repeat that thought in your head long enough. You are what you think. It’s just that simple. We can try and complicate the obvious and rationalize the things we do and say, but the bottom line is, we think it and it happens. We said it because we thought it. It happened or didn’t happen because of how we thought it would happen. The psychology of our thoughts is just that simple. Your life is the total sum of all your thoughts, and your silent thoughts will always manifest themselves loudly by taking tangible form. Remember, thoughts always become things eventually.
54 QUOTES TO MEMORIZE Your body is the slave to your mind. It obeys the dictates of the mind. It awaits your commands to elevate or deflate your soul. Command it to do what you will, and it shall produce its fruit, good, bad, or indifferent. “A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and re- vile and commences to search for the hidden justice which regu- lates his life. And he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition and builds him- self up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against cir- cumstances but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid pro- gress, and as a means of the hidden powers and possibilities within himself.” ~James Allen – As a Man Thinketh, 1903 True success is never handed to anyone on a silver platter – it takes hard work and many struggles before the reward is won. You have to work that dream until you form blisters on your heart and calluses on your creative soul. All hard work brings a profit. ~Me, 2022 The reason some people succeed at their goals and others do not is because the winners were willing to take calculated risks and make greater sacrifices. ~Me, 1998
55 CHAPTER 2 THOUGHTS AND PERSPECTIVES The definition of PERSPECTIVE: 1. A mental view or outlook: The appearance of objects in depth as perceived by normal binocular vision. 2. Subjective evaluation of relative significance; a point of view: 3. The ability to perceive things in their actual interrelations or comparative importance. Why am I writing a chapter on the thought process and perspectives? Be- cause most of us do not quite understand the association with our mental health and our viewpoints with the things we have experienced in our lives, and how our thoughts and awareness of them can and will affect our souls. Perspectives are a way of regarding situations, facts, etc., and judging their relative importance. It is important to understand the proper or an accu- rate point of view or the ability to see it for what it really is, objectively, so that we don’t keep making the wrong choices by thinking the wrong thoughts. Most things appear as objects and scenes in recession to the eye but are of- ten not actual. What do I mean by this theory? It is the art of suggesting three dimensions on a two-dimensional surface in order to recreate the spatial relationships of objects or scenes that are actually present. What does all this theoretical mumbo jumbo mean? In layman’s terms, here is the truth: all that we see and hear with our eyes and ears basically depends on our mental view of facts, ideas, and their interrelationships. How we tend to view data and situations depends on our thoughts about them.
56 For example, we can all witness the same car accident and report it differ- ently. Why is this? Most of us don’t truly have a clear perspective of any situation. The ability to see all the relevant data in a meaningful relation- ship relies on a mental view or perspective or in perspective, in a true or meaningful proportion to the relationship we’ve had with our own minds and our personal past experiences. As humans, we tend to overreact instead of keeping things in proper per- spective. It depends on the pictures we’ve painted on the canvas of our minds, relative to our past experiences. It’s like one person who is gener- ally optimistic, who sees the glass as half full, and another who is generally pessimistic sees the glass as half empty. Either way, it is a mindset, coupled with past experiences. No matter how you see your life, most life experiences are relative and real; it is only relevant and real to you, no matter what it is. It’s all in how you perceive your life in your own mind; the pictures that you subcon- sciously created and presumed as real are more than likely only real to you, or possibly they are very real experiences for sure. And I will not dismiss that some have had a hard life or an abusive childhood or relationship that has caused some serious mental stress. It is also true that what happens to your mother while you are still in her womb will directly affect your personality after you are born and well into adulthood. If the pregnant woman is traumatized in some way during her conception, let’s say she was raped or abused by the father of the unborn baby, this will more than likely affect the fetus in an involuntary negative mental state. Chances of this baby having a confident and happy state of mind, even as an adult, may be difficult at best. Yet this is not an absolute case. Some people, no matter their condition while still in their mother’s womb, may grow up to be well-rounded and functional adults. It all de- pends on how they are loved and nurtured by the mom and extended fam- ily.
57 On the other hand, if the pregnant woman has always wanted a child and she finally conceives, while in a joyous state of mind; and she is in a very happy loving relationship with the father of the child, and she reads to the unborn child and sings hymns of love while pregnant, chances are, this child will have a sweet disposition and possibly become a very confident and kind adult. This is where I’m asking you to get professional help. It’s okay to ask for help. If you’re doing things or saying things that your inner soul has con- flict with- that part of your spirit that tells you quietly, “something is not right with what you are thinking or doing, then seek out professional counselling. And do not hesitate to do so. There is no shame in confronting past mental demons, but we cannot af- ford to linger there any longer than it takes to heal. You must confront and acknowledge the pains of your past in order to be at peace with the present and move forward toward peace of mind now. We must not allow the darkness of yesterday to destroy the light of today. There are those who, to no fault of their own, have been traumatized while still in their mother’s womb. You must find out if this was the case for you and get help. If possible, seek out relatives or people who might have known your parents and teachers, even before you were born, if they are still living. This will help you understand better why you think the way you do and do the things you do. One good way to do this research is to go to Ancestry.com, if you can afford to. I have heard a lot of good things about Ancestry. The healing will not happen until you acknowledge that something is wrong with your thoughts and actions toward others and yourself. I speak from my own experiences with mental stress and anger for many years. Although it was painful to go back in my past and come to terms with what happened to me as a pregnant teen, in an abusive relationship at such a very young age, I had to do the thing that was hard in order to free myself from
58 so much anger and pain. It is true what they say: “Do the thing you fear the most and success will become easier to achieve.” This, my friends, should give you pause and great hope. Hope for those things you can change and accept, and pray for the things you cannot change. Thinking about your life and how you think about others, and perceiving things in your mind, can be simply changed by changing your thoughts about it and finding help to figure out once and for all what in the world is wrong with you instead of pointing fingers and blaming oth- ers for your unhappy situation. You have power, and the power is in your thoughts; your mind is your power, and the choice is always yours to make whether to be happy no matter what or wallow in regret or what if this or that. Your mind is always the master of all your actions or inac- tions. Changing Your Perception Is it possible to change our minds by changing our perceptions? The an- swer is unequivocally, yes, we can. We can change our lives if we just change our perception about how we see things. It is not an easy task, but it can be done. First, you must get real with yourself and start talking to yourself and seeing yourself in a more positive light. Secondly, we can start by forgiving our past mistakes and the perceived mistakes others have made toward us. Forgive me now! Just do it! Forgiveness is not for those who hurt you; it is for you. Once you have done the hard thing and for- gave, you then set yourself free, and freedom from hurt and pain equals peace of mind. The bible calls this kind of peace a peace that passes all un- derstanding. All I know is that it is a sweet and wonderful thing to possess. Tranquility and peace of mind are worth more than gold. Let go of all your past baggage, those memories that no longer serve you or cause you to feel sad or despondent. If those thoughts put you in a bad headspace, let that stuff go now. It is possible to think about something else instantly. Remember something that made you laugh or feel good; do it right now. Hold on to the good thoughts and wonderful memories and
59 use those memories to comfort you when you are feeling those low mo- ments. Put your brain in fight-or-flight mode and flee those negative thoughts as if you are being chased by the yellow-eyed monster with its ugly fangs of “irrational thoughts that bite at you.” When you are decisively ready to take that flight to a better life, you need to lighten your negative load. What do you have in your life that no longer serves you in a prosperous way that is worth hanging on to? When a ship is sinking, the first thing the crew does is start throwing unnecessary stuff overboard. What excess negative stuff is still lingering around in your sub- conscious that causes you to doubt your authentic true self-worth? The scriptures admonish us to lay aside unnecessary weight. For a long time, I thought it was talking about losing weight. Well, that is not such a bad idea either, but what it is talking about is stress and the hurtful baggage of your past or present. Stress will kill you faster than a speeding bullet. That bullet is called high blood pressure, the silent killer. That is what makes stress so dangerous. You may not think that nonsense is getting to you, but it is, and it will choke the life out of your heart literally, and you won’t even see it coming. You are here for a reason, and you have so much greatness and awesome potential hidden deep within you, waiting for you to command it forth. Do not let your God-given gifts suffer any longer with the baggage of re- grets and disappointments of the past. You are supposed to be a shining light, the salt of the earth, seasoned with the spirit of God. Remember, no matter what happened to you in your past, it is exactly that, your past. Let that stuff go and let it go now! Even when you are about to board an airplane, you’re only allowed to bring suitcases that weigh just so much per bag, usually no more than 50 pounds each. All negative thoughts and past mistakes are a tremendous unnecessary weight on our mental state of mind. Why do we hold on to old stuff that is not serving our happiness, like it adds some sort of value
60 to our lives? That stuff only gets heavier and heavier and smellier and fouler with time. The longer you hold on to nonsense thoughts of situations past, the longer it will take to heal from all that stuff. Let that stuff go! It’s not serv- ing any positive or productive purpose and will hold you back and weigh you down and eventually drive you nuts. Try to look at stressful thoughts as displaying a poop emoji tattooed on your forehead; that is not a good look at all. You must change your internal dialogue if it’s not making you feel good about yourself. You have the power to change, and only you have this power. I think that changing how we talk to ourselves is the beginning of change. But first, we must change the way we think and perceive data, the input that comes from within our own subconscious minds and other outside influences. This change will take time, and it will take changing our self- talk. How do we reprogram our thoughts? Reprogramming Our Thoughts Reprogramming your subconscious is like overriding embedded old data in a computer. I am not a computer programmer and never desired to be, but I have a little knowledge of the concept of programming. It’s all about inputting the right data or updating and alleviating any malware or trojans that can shut down or interfere with the hardware or keep it from work- ing properly. In this case, the hardware is your subconscious mind. The malware in our minds are all the nonsense and negative involvements that we have experienced and/or allowed or have spoken, to create ugly input into our subconscious, the Hippocampus software of the brain. Most times, this is done unconsciously, through abuse of some kind, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), or Blunt Force Trauma, or a vi- olent experience, perpetrated by someone we trusted, and it is not totally
61 our fault. But how we perceive ourselves because of this malware and con- tinue to rehearse the negative thoughts is our fault. Here’s the good news again: we can be reprogrammed, and we don’t have to be a genius to do it. It’s going to be hard, but one way we can reprogram our minds is to change the way we vibrate our thoughts. When I say vibrate, remember what I said early in this book about our thoughts being an energy flow that vibrates through our vocal cords, our voices. What you say out loud can reshape your life for good or for the worse. Here is the scripture proof below if you believe in the bible. “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21 Below are two other scripture texts that really hit home for me and started my mindfulness transformation to a better life and a more mentally healthy person, and hopefully it will help you see that your words have super life- changing power. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, so that it may benefit those who listen.” ~Ephesians 4:29 “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” ~Proverbs 13:3 Can you understand how important and powerful your words are and how important it is to think the right thoughts and speak the right words? It’s not easy, but it can be done with much practice in reprogramming your
62 thoughts to speak the right words. Here’s an AFFIRMATION that I practice as often as I can: “I love before I speak.” I have to say it every day, especially when I’m in Atlanta traffic at 7:30 a.m. It’s getting crazier all the time. I want to call people names, using some cuss words I have never heard. And sometimes I do make up some colorful words, just to calm myself down. It is hard to love before you speak when a crazy speed demon cuts you off, going ninety miles an hour in a sixty-five mile an hour zone, nearly causing an unnecessary car crash. When I say, “I love before I speak,” I mean that I love myself and my sanity first. Here is where positive affirmations come into play. I have written a chap- ter at the end of this book dedicated entirely to how to reprogram your mind by using the right affirmations. But first, let’s not let our words and thoughts crush our spirit and drive us crazy. There’s enough going on in this world that can stress the most positive yogis and gurus, so we’re not going to add to the madness by putting ourselves down any longer. Stop Crushing Your Own Spirit I want to end this chapter on perception and reality by giving you another quote. This quote hopefully will help you start loving yourselves. It is vitally important that you learn to love yourself no matter what you think about yourself. You are important and loved by someone in this world. But what really matters is that you must love yourself first. Stop the nega- tive talk. Speak kindly to yourself, even if you have made a mistake or failed at a goal. You can say something like this, “Wow, I should have thought about this before I decided to do it. Next time I will be more careful and focus more on how I am thinking.” You are allowed to redeem yourself at any time and all the time. It is your right to make mistakes because you are, after all, human. The key is not to beat yourself up for them. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start all over again as many times as it takes to get it right.
63 Everything you perceive about your life is not all that bad. But if you keep telling yourself that you will never do this and can’t do that, you are crush- ing your own spirit. Stop it! There is hope for all of us, and things can get better and will get better. But it is up to you to start loving and believing in your own ability to fly. When it’s time for a baby bird to leave the nest, the mother bird doesn’t stop to wonder if her little bird will be able to fly, nor does the baby bird take time to consider if it will fall to the earth when he’s kicked out of the nest. This take-off and fly process is the same for humans as well. If you are constantly overthinking the process of taking to the sky, the thought of the unknown will keep you in a place that is a comfortable (comfort zone), a seemingly safe place, but it will ultimately lead to a go-nowhere, stifling, disabling and crippling future. If you take a leap, you may experience a few falls, but if you don’t take that jump, chances are you will rot in the nest and become a prisoner of your own choices to stay jailed and caged when the gate to life and happiness and true joy was always opened to you. You always hold the keys to your own success. Use your mind to think of new and creative ways to fly. Re- member every step toward progress is huge, no matter how small. Stop thinking about failing and start thinking about winning the desired goal at all costs. Change is a deliberate sacrifice for progress, and progress toward change can be scary. We all have a level of healthy fear of failure. But remember, failure is a vital part of winning. Failure is a teacher; it teaches you how to learn from your mistakes and is essential to your growth. Here is something I have learned over time that I want to share with you, and I hope you never forget. You must experience failure to overcome
64 your weaknesses and grow stronger. He who refuses to face his enemy will never win the war if he doesn’t get in the fight. Cowards never win be- cause they refuse to get in the fight and leave their dark hiding places of false fears and self-doubting lies. You have more fights in you than you know. You have powers to be a superhero of your own making. “I AM A WINNER!” To think that you cannot do a thing or that something is too far out of your reach is a self-sabotaging thought. The moment you entertain such thoughts, you have lost half the battle. This is the mentality of losers. Mentally, they have already lost the war against self-sabotaging thoughts because they couldn’t think beyond the lie that they’ve rehearsed repeat- edly in their minds; they tell themselves, “I've been this way all my life, it’s impossible to change, I’m hopeless. I’m poor, my parents were poor, etc.” Do you hear yourself? You must stop this type of thinking, and you must stop it immediately. It may be true that some of these issues did happen to you, but they are not happening to you now. You are possibilities unimaginable. Remem- ber, when you change your self-talk to pure uplifting and non-defeating talk, then you will be able to overcome each setback. Setbacks are just speed bumps on the road to success; they give you time to think things over and possibly dodge any unseen bullet. Usually, nonsense does not show up as a beautiful thing, at first. If it did, then you would not fall for that stuff. It is like that with new relationships… everyone always puts their best foot
65 forward in the beginning; everything seems to be all roses and lollipops. Then here comes the nonsense after six months or so, and the next thing you know you are hitting yourself upside your head with the palm of your hand and asking that all too familiar question, “What was I think- ing?” Do not ignore the red flags of life in any situation. Those red flags are always all around you, but they can be very subtle to detect at times- well, most times. So, always keep your brain on high alert. As the saying goes, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” Stop talking yourself down because of little nonsense that happens along the way to true happiness. This is a normal process of life on the road to success. Please do not doubt yourself; you must know that all will work out for you if you say it will. All negative talk must stop, and it must stop now; all this kind of talk does is create self-doubt. When you doubt your abilities to succeed in life or rise above the nonsense that has happened to you… you are the one who keeps the nonsense going. You must create a new reality by creating a new self-dialog. You have the power to do whatever you desire. But doing big things is going to take hard work and determination. All hard work produces a profit, and profit does not necessarily mean money. Although it is very possible that money will chase you down when you do what you love. You can benefit from gaining a peaceful and tranquil life and a healthy body. You can reinvent yourself at any time by changing the way you think about things; then and only then will the things you think about change. Change, yes, you can! Once you overcome weakness of character, which is only gained from necessary failures and small successes over time. Everything in life that is worth having is a product of little successes and failures, here and there. Pay close attention to the quote below by James Allen about man and his future power and triumphs, and try to commit it to memory when you start to feel despondent and hopeless:
66 “Man, even if he fails again and again to accomplish his purpose (as he necessarily must until weakness is overcome), the strength of character gained will be the measure of his true success, and this will form a new starting-point for future power and triumph.” ~James Allen Speak Kindly to Yourself When I speak of self-love, I am not talking about having an arrogant or proud spirit or being a braggadocious, boastful jerk. What I am trying to convey to you is, stop putting yourself down. You are worth more than you know. Think about the little things in life that you have accomplished and pat yourself on the back for them. It’s okay to cheer yourself on. Life is tough, and every little success is a big deal. Even if you don’t get any appreciation from anyone else, appreciate and applaud yourself. Toot your own horn, march to your own music because you may be the only one in the band. No matter what the case, it is always okay to toot your own horn. Whatever you think about yourself, whatever the cards life deals to you, don’t die with your music still in you. Someone needs your help whether they ask for it or not. You really matter! Even a dog can be trained to obey and stop peeing on the carpet. You are more intelligent than an animal, so I hope. But it’s not enough for me to say it; you have to say it about yourself in a healthy way. Say to your brain daily, “I am possible!” Always make your “I AM” statements beautifully positive with the melody of the birds. Birds make the sweetest music, and they need anybody's opinion on how to sing their songs, yet they are never out of tune with the universal course of music. Even Beethoven could not orchestrate such melodic sounds, which hypnotize the world into such sweet peace. Train your brain to listen to what you say when you speak aloud and
67 think in silence. Be careful what you allow to linger in your mind. The moment a negative thought or despondent thought enters your mind, you have the power to dismiss that thought instantly by simply thinking a different thought. I do it all the time, especially when I am driving in traffic. When I think about how someone made me feel a certain way that is not in alignment with my desire to be at peace, the first thing I want to do is think negatively, but I quickly change my thoughts. I have learned that cussing can ease a multitude of pain. It is not very Christian, but what is a Christian anyway? A Christian is simple a sinner saved by grace. That is a fact that most so-called church people do not want to come to terms with. Sometimes you must get stuff off your chest, but don’t let it linger in your mind once you do. It is like a slow-moving poison and will keep you up at night. Nothing is worth losing sleep over unless you won the lottery! Then an all-nighter is most definitely in order. If I have an issue with someone or feel that there may be some sort of bad blood going on be- tween us, I do not lose any sleep over it because I quickly air out what is in my mind as soon as the time seems right. Timing is everything because it gives you time to think about the situation and the right thing to say. Time is always a thinking man’s friend when it comes to solving problems. It shields you from impulsive reactions that may do you more harm than good. If you know anything about driving in Atlanta, Georgia, you know that we have the worst drivers in the world. I have had plenty of practice to prove that my mind-changing thought theory works. But sometimes you must change that thought on a dime, the way most Atlanta drivers change lanes without giving a signal or warning. Even still, you should not over- react or let your brain fly off the handle without thinking about how you are going to address the situation in a calm manner. This is when I repeat the affirmation, “I stay calm in frustrating situations”. But to be honest, this does not always work for me; you should at least try to stay calm in any situation that is out of harmony with your peace of mind.
68 With much practice, you will get better at dismissing ill and misguided thoughts automatically when they creep into your head, as they will. Don’t allow your thoughts to wander aimlessly for a literal minute. It might be the worst 60 seconds of your life. Trust me, a flick of that middle finger is not worth your inviting a possible conflict that could lead to an unfortunate situation. Your actions have consequences, be they good, bad or indifferent. How many times have you heard of someone who made an angry, hot- headed 60-second decision that they wish they could take back, that caused them a lifetime of misery? If you succeed in not losing your tem- per, pat yourself on the back for that. That is one of those little successes I mentioned earlier. You should be proud of yourself for not losing your cool. Please pay attention to the quote below: “A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and re- vile and commences to search for the hidden justice which regu- lates his life. And he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against circumstances but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of the hidden powers and possibilities within himself.” ~ James Allen, As a Man Thinketh Just one sixty-second negative thought about yourself is not worth delay- ing your new positive self-transformation that will lead to a new lifetime of unimagined joys. And blaming others for your present state of cir- cumstances will never move you toward a stronger or noble character.
69 Even Though, you must move with a fierceness of focus, it takes time and mindful practice to change, but it will happen with patience and persever- ance. Change is always a journey, not a destination. Do not focus on the end of the road but pay attention to the excitement of the adventures of the journey. Keep your eyes on the road ahead and enjoy the smells, sights, and sounds of progress. Avoid hitchhikers on your road to change, whom I call distractors of pro- gress. These hitchhikers can look like your so-called family and old friends. Their thumbs are sticking out, and they won’t even offer you any gas money, and they’re trying to catch a ride; they will only keep you caught up in foolish distractions like pessimistic and mindless chatter on TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter feeds. They are time wasters. I think that social media has destroyed real human and personal connec- tions and has done more to separate us than ever before. You don’t have time for them anymore; you don’t need anything or anyone holding you back. Nor do you have time to stop at the Comfort Zone Inns along the way. The only accommodation you will find at the Comfort Zone Inn is beds of laziness and long dark hallways of procrastination. On this new journey, you will meet new friends who have common inter- ests and goals, which will root you on to victory. Make them your new fam- ily and friends. As you travel toward your new self-image, do not forget to stop and smell the roses at times, but get right back on the road. And do not try to ignore the speed bumps of life. They are only there to help you keep things in perspective, so you don’t get lost in fanaticism and fanciful imaginings, what some call whimsical dreams. Reality is not Disney World and fair- ytales. Life is real, and it can be a real person if you allow that person to con- trol you. You must get laser-focused on your purpose by changing the way you think about things. You must take control of your thoughts. Remember, your thoughts are energy vibrational frequencies that vibrate into the external world from the edge of your tongue; your words have power! But remember, you're the master of that power.
70 The greatest weapon against Stress is our ability to choose One thought over another and your friends wisely. ~Me, 2021 Your thoughts about yourself shape you and can shape your future and your present moments. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself and speaking well of yourself. This is done by reaffirming words of hope and possibilities aloud to yourself about the life you choose to live; it is hope. Let others form their opinions about you and say what they will about you, but don’t add fuel to the fire of your soul by speaking those negative opinions to yourself. Speak loving and hopeful thoughts about yourself no matter what is going on right now. Hope is not something you can see; hope is believing in what you cannot see. Hope generates feelings, and feelings are energy. It is always a good thing to blend hope with believing. It is so important to know the differ- ence between hope and a belief. Believing is a strong faith in a thing or people and is usually taught and is sometimes tangible to the naked eye. Hope is complete faith in action, because it stands alone in its conjecture. It would befit you to believe in what you hope for, and that one day it will come to fruition on a physical level. Therefore, you cannot let your hope fade with disbelief. This is where your faith comes into play. It sounds confusing, but it is not. You must believe in what you cannot see, and that will give you hope and will give you your desires, eventually. Some see hope as a melancholy longing for something that may never hap- pen, or that may happen, but it is often seen as sadness, and we often use words like, “It’s hopeless.” It is impossible for hope to be hopeless in the context of the meaning, simply because it is an invisible energy and oper- ates on universally unseen spiritual powers. Hoping is not a sad thing. Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel. It is the positive aspect of the dark clouds of life.
71 The sun never stops shining even on a cloudy day. It’s just the dark clouds that hide the full view of the sun. We all have cloudy days, but it is how you think about them that counts for anything. If we never had dark days, we could never appreciate the sunny days... Think about it. And you need hope like you need air to breathe. What others say and think about you is none of your business; you must love yourself and say it aloud no matter what things look like right now. You might as well get it in your head; you may have to go on this journey alone to achieve your goals. Yet no one is an island. You are going to have to surround yourself with people who genuinely like you and who truly have your back. If you can’t seem to find those kinds of people, just relax because you will meet them as you continue to travel on the road to suc- cess or recovery. People are going to say and think what they will, and most of the time their thoughts have nothing to do with you. They have inner conflicts that they would love to blame on others. Don’t pay them any attention or give them a moment of your precious time. And all time truly is a pre- cious commodity. Become a resilient, hardy, elastic, flexible, optimist. Optimists must enjoy challenges, appreciate possibilities and pos- sess a deep belief in their ability to master a situation. Hope for the future is necessary, and confidence in that hope is a strong PLUS. If you are hanging around so-called friends or family who are constantly putting you down or can’t see that there is hope for even you, cut the rela- tionships off, and the sooner you get them out of your life, the better. This is the part of change that will surely hurt for a while, but it’s necessary for your growth. You’ll get past the loneliness if you get busy seeking a better life and learning to love yourself. Finding a new attitude and a new you will take laser focus and aiming fearlessly toward purpose and real joy. I am not saying that you stop loving people who are special to you; what I
72 am saying is if you do not start loving yourself more, you will probably end up constantly in a state of disappointment. People are guaranteed to let you down, but what’s even more disappointing is when you let yourself down because the bottom line is, you are always in control of your own thoughts and ultimately your own decisions. You are your thoughts, and I cannot sugarcoat that fact. It is what it is, literally. The new you will give off a new and more positive vibe and energy that will attract the right people into your life. And don’t be afraid to go hang out with people who have made it in life and ask for their advice and help. The people who are doing great things in this world love to mentor and help others. Don’t be shy about seeking them out if they are doing things that interest you. They would love to help. Get bold and adventurous about life. And stop caring so much about what the naysayers have to say about you and get to a place in your mind where you say to yourself, “Forget all the negativity; I’m a winner.” Most negative people are usually unaware of their own weaknesses, and putting other people down makes them feel better about themselves. They are small thinkers, weak-minded at best. That’s not you anymore, right? You are a winner and a warrior for peace of mind and success the way you want it. Here is one important thing I want you to remember on your journey to your dreams that I heard Denzel Washington say: “When you are almost at the top of your success, that is when the Devil comes for you, he said.” What I will say about that quote is, only you and the way you think about things- if you let nonsense get in your head… the only devil is you. Not some invisible horned spirit in a red suit and a pointed tail. Who came up with that stuff anyway? I’m just saying, what were they thinking? So, when you try to elevate your mind and living situation, the haters will show up, without fail. Haters are not always people who don’t like or love you; they can show up as friends, co-workers, and family. What did I just
73 say? OMG! Yes, sometimes those who try to hold you back in the name of love can be your own friends or family. Yeah, I said it… the quiet part out loud must be said. So, I said it… Stop expecting people to agree with your desires and dreams. Some thoughts need to be between you and your god. Set realistic goals and then set small goals under those goals. You must write them down and read them as often as possible. Remember, nothing is impossible for you now. Unrealistic expectations can only serve to dis- appoint you, and there are enough man-made disappointments in the world that you should not have to manufacture extra sadness. Now you have some extra common-sense knowledge: everybody you know and love is not always on your side. You may have to accept that you may have to go it alone, on life’s journey toward pure happiness and peace of mind. Just remember that your journey has always been yours as an individual human being, all by yourself, although there have been many people involved along the way in your evolution. And, when you are on the right path that gives you complete confidence and fulfillment, the right people will show up, like magic. It does not mean that you have to continue to depend on their opinions and desires for you. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but take that pill with a tall glass of courage, spiked with a shot of hope, consistence and resilience, and you’ll be okay. “What other people say or think about me is none of my business; I love myself.” Say this to yourself daily! Say it aloud and often. It is hard to love others when you don’t feel love for yourself first. You can’t give something you don’t have. When you think loving thoughts, you attract more love.” ~Me
74 Perspectives, Influences and Thoughts Please understand that perspectives can influence your thoughts. Just be- cause you perceive that life for you is always a struggle and nobody likes you, does not mean it’s true. It is not! It is all in how you see it, and you can see life any way you want. Why not choose a happier life and a more positive dream? I’m not asking you to look at life through rose-colored glasses or see the glass half full when it is empty, but why not? Your thoughts are yours, and you are free to think as you choose. I say, choosing good thoughts and good thoughts will manifest good outcomes. That is truly how life really works. The mind is the master power, and perception is just a tool that can be used for mastering your thoughts. Choose good thoughts, and good thoughts will manifest good outcomes. Guaranteed! I’d like to end this chapter with a true story about hope and a successful man, Jack Canfield, bestselling author, who refused to take no for an an- swer and used his countless rejections as a measure of eventual success. Jack Canfield When he first began his literary journey, Jack Canfield had almost com- pletely maxed out his credit cards, and 144 publishers had rejected his book Chicken Soup for the Soul. But he never gave up on his dream of being a bestselling author. Today Jack is arguably the most successful, bestselling self-help non-fic- tion author of all time. He’s even got Chicken Soup books for your pets! He has sold over 500 million copies all over the world and has launched 47 New York Times bestsellers (and even had 7 books simultaneously on the list at one point). I read my first Jack Canfield book in 1996, while go- ing through a divorce after fifteen years.
75 This can be your story as well. I plan to make it my story for sure. I’ve had that mindset of hopelessness and despair for many years, even after read- ing most of Jack Canfield’s books, but eventually I realized I had to TRAIN MY BRAIN and use positive thinking books as tools of war against my conscious mind to reprogram my subconscious. It is going to take time, so be patient with yourself and be persistent. Life is not over until it’s over and you are no longer on this earth. The beauty of living is not dying with your music still in you. You have so much to give to the world no matter what things look like right now. Think differently; now that you know better, think better. “One of the things I learned the Hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself” ~Lucille Ball Look at life as if you owned a two-sided coin, and you have to flip the coin to start your life all over again, and you get to call the toss to win; no matter what you call, be it heads or tails. The call is always on your side because you own the coin; you are already a winner. ~ Idalia
76 CHAPTER THREE Thought and The Power of Your Words Thought is the seed of manifestation, whether that thought is of produc- tivity or dysfunctionality. Voice is the vibrational force of what your mind is thinking about, and your thoughts are absolutely under your control. By the power of your inner dialogue, I call subconscious UNSPOKEN WORDS. The world within is the cause, and it brings about the effect, even if we don’t like the effect. But it is infinite energy and can only pro- duce what you think about if verbalized repeatedly. Your subconscious mind is the computer that stores input, and your conscious mind is the programmer that inputs data into the subconscious instinctively. What you feed your subconscious mind, through conscious self-talk or what others say to you and think about you and what you say out of your mouth, gets absorbed into the subconscious and programs you for either success or failure, but prefers a more comfortable zone, which is not to change things. Let me simplify all this with the bible scripture below: “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7 KJV) I will make this Proverb even more clear and paraphrase it like this: not only as a man thinks does he become; I will add, as a man speaks, he be- comes, most surely, as well. The heart and the mind in this scripture is synonymous, meaning it’s the same thing. Therefore, you are the master of your own decisions and the master of your fate, be it good or bad, by what you say out loud. The good news is you can change your thought process by making new and deliberative positive suggestions to your sub- conscious. There is help, but you must want to be helped, like I said in the previous chapter. You are always in charge of your being, which starts in your mind and manifests into the tangible world by your words. So be
77 careful what you say out loud. loud. Also, I would suggest that you be very careful about what you are thinking about even before you speak. What most people don’t understand is that even their thoughts are energies. Eve- rything is energy, whether you realize it or not. Your thoughts are universal vibrations that have quantum capabilities to reach across continents. You must want to change your life and stop waddling in your past fail- ures, regrets, and disappointments. The first thing you need to do is learn to live in the now without judging yourself for how things look at this moment. This is very hard to do; I will not sugarcoat it, because I have been there and I’m still having an issue with forgiving people who have hurt me. Even now as I write this book, my heart is conflicted and in limbo when it comes to forgiveness. The hardest thing to do is forgiveness, especially when it comes to family. You do not expect family to crush your spirit, especially when it comes to one of your own children. The unconditional love of family should never be taken for granted. Yet, sadly, it has become a thing for our grown chil- dren to think it is okay to disrespect their parents as if we have no feelings. It is the worst hurt a parent can feel. But we must forgive, and it is ex- tremely hard because we are not just parents; we are human beings with a soul, and the pain is very real. We have all done things that we are not proud of, and perhaps you were vi- olated by someone, and it left a scar of pain on your heart. Free yourself by learning to let go. You cannot harbor guilt and unforgiveness if you want to change. You cannot harbor hate in your soul if you want to be free from pain. Guilt and hate are the enemies of permanent change and peace of mind. Your soul was created for love and harmony. When we invite hate into the soul of our being, we throw away our right to a peace- ful and fulfilling life out of sync. Let this thought resonate within your mind for a minute. You have to contemplate the consequences of allowing your soul to be victimized by
78 what someone has done to you. This will mean that, no matter what they did or how long ago it was when the violation happened… they win. You must not allow this to happen. Your past is your past; be determined to be at peace with it and then let it go. You can’t go on beating up on yourself for the choices you made that weren’t so cool or what some perpetrator did to you. We must learn how to forgive ourselves and others and let go of regrets and replace our past feelings with thoughts of a bright future. Until then, we become trapped in our own heads with unhealthy imaginings. It is definitely not going to be an easy task, but with time and patient resilience, you will win the bat- tle of the mind. Nonsense is like fighting to free yourself from mental slav- ery. If you know anything about slavery, it is hard to set yourself free from the persecutor, bully and slave master, and when it comes to your thoughts, you are the only one holding yourself back from getting to the promise land of hope and joy. YOU ARE FREE Now is the time to say to yourself, “I am free!! Say it at least three times a day when you wake up before you get out of bed, and then say it another three times before you go to sleep at night. You may say it at any time you feel like your freedom is being challenged in any scenario, when your last nerve is being tested. Oh, life on earth will at times test your last nerve to the point of wanting to scream at the top of your lungs. There will come a time when you do not want to pray or meditate because stuff has just hit the fan. This is when you have to say those three magic words aloud… “I am FREE!” This simple exercise routine takes less than a minute and can change your life in a big way. Starting today, you can begin your mindfulness transfor- mation. I can remember this song from back in the early nineties that went something like this: “Free your mind and the rest will follow.” I can’t remember the name of the group that sang that song, but it was the lyrics that were tattooed on my brain that mattered. I think it was the girl group named En Vogue; not sure, but that is what comes to mind right
79 now. Those girls were really a hot group in the ’90s. Anyway, it was about the lyrics of the song that stood out to me. We must start talking to ourselves and talking out loud and changing our self-talk to match up with what we desire to be. You cannot focus on what others have said about you nor what they have verbally cursed upon you with their nasty negative words, and you definitely cannot afford to care what people think about you. Reverse their curse with your words of encouragement toward You have that power! Words have a lot of power, no matter who’s spewing them out of their mouth. Just be careful not to go below the level of the beast with your thoughts about other people who have hurt you. When people do not wish you well and say all manner of evil against you, don’t take it personally. Those people are troubled in their own heads. They do not really love themselves, and it is impossible for them to give you something they don’t have for themselves. Please remember this if you do not remember anything else. Remember that famous quote from Michelle Obama, “When they go low, we go high.” Do not be inclined to fight fire with fire. It is a waste of your valu- able time, and believe me, if you are reading this book, you don’t have time to waste on foolishness anymore. You are on a whole new journey, and not everyone can take that trip with you. It is perfectly okay to talk to yourself out loud, no matter what People think about you. Yes, they will say you are crazy; yes, they will have opin- ions about you. Who cares? Everybody has opinions, and most of them are always worthless and unfairly judgmental. Be a tree of life for your own soul; it will preserve your health. Thinking stuff means that you must have a soothing tongue towards your own self-image, so you don’t crush your hopes and dreams. “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.”
80 ~Proverbs 15:4 Just remember my quote from earlier and remember the quote below. What people say or think About you is none of your business; you love yourself. Here is the beginning of powerful mind transformation, positive thinking and self-talk. Positive self-talk starts with power AFFIRMATIONS that will help you reprogram your thoughts. Positive Affirmations are what will help your subconscious repro- gram your thinking and undo the unhealthy comfort zones of negative thoughts. The common caution about affirmations is that they start with your own words and thoughts that are recorded and compartmentalized in the hippocampus (the memory bank in your brain). This is not a new thing; we have been affirming nonsense thoughts to ourselves most of our lives, without even knowing it. This is what I meant by referring to some of our thoughts as being in a “comatose” state of mind. We are doing this dysfunctional thinking as if we were in a deep sleep, yet while awake. Therefore, now is the time to start affirming positive and promising good thoughts. What is most important is to remember you are the observer of your thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, yet it isn’t. Think about it right now in the moment. Are you thinking about what you are reading, or are you thinking about what to cook for dinner? It’s not enough for the Zen Gurus to give us philosophies on man’s state of mind and its thought processes. I will agree that yoga and meditation
81 help, but without giving us a way to fix the subconscious, we meditate in vain. Affirmations are a sure way to consciously control your thoughts, over time. I hate to sound redundant here, but positive change will take time. But it matters what you are affirming to yourself. What are you constantly telling yourself, or periodically speaking aloud or thinking in the secret dark fissures of your Brain? It really does matter how you think about yourself and what you think internally, and verbalize in muttering under- tones. All thoughts manifest themselves into a tangible source eventually, whether they be good, bad, or indifferent. But, not to worry, there is hope for the hopeless through the power of continuous positive self-talk and positive affirmation. Have you ever heard this saying? “If you tell yourself a lie, repeat it enough times, you will start to believe it as the truth?” This has proven true and has transformed countless lives for the Better and, for some, to their rep- robate minds and demonic demise, because they chose to believe a lie over the truth. This is what happened to the Republican Party during the Trump era. Now let us get into the meat of this chapter, and find out, “What to Say When You Talk to Yourself.” HOW TO TALK TO YOURSELF First step to renewing your thoughts is to learn how to talk to yourself. This is especially important and the only way to restructure your thought process! I remember how I have been told that if you talked to yourself, you were labeled a crazy person. And, in a way, that is true, and it all de- pends on what you are saying to yourself, how you answer yourself and why you are saying it. But talking to yourself when you have goals and a Definite purpose in mind can be the best thing you could ever do for yourself. If you do not
82 tell yourself that you can achieve and become all that you desire, what and who are you waiting for to tell you that you are a great person and you will achieve great things in this life? Perhaps you heard those words from your parents or sports coach, but normally, most people do not have that kind of encouragement. You must affirm to yourself that you are worth all the wonderful things that life has for you daily. And I would suggest you get crazy with it… I mean, make yourself-affirmations sound totally and wonderfully ridicu- lously realistic! Elevate your mind with your own words! Your subconscious mind can only manifest what you tell it consciously. I mean, if you say that things never work out for you, then guess what? Things will not work out for you. You spoke it, and it became your command to come true. You are truly the master of your thoughts. Your reality is the result of thoughts that are spoken repeatedly over time, whether you like the results or not. How often have you heard someone say, or have you said to yourself, words like these? “Feels like I’m trying to get sick.” Then, sooner or later, you find yourself lying in bed with a horrible cold or the flu. You may not have realized it, but you spoke those situations into existence. Have you ever spoken these words to yourself, “What if things do not work out for me? I get nervous doing interviews; they will choose someone more quali- fied?” “I’m just too shy,” “What if I fail?” Instead, you can say, simply, “I got this, or all I do is win; I am a winner!” Repeat it often to yourself, and you can even make it a song that goes something like this: “All I do is win, win, win no matter what, what, what!” You can sing this song all day long. How simple is that? Sing it until it no longer feels like it is a lie; sing your mantra until it becomes your truth. It would be much better to see yourself in a more positive scenario. Imag- ine only the best for yourself. Talk to yourself like you would to someone
83 you admire and love. Because truth is, you are the most important person in the world. Always speak kindly to yourself. Perhaps telling yourself something like this: “I never get sick. or everything always works out for me.” Life usually gives us what we ask for, whether we know it or not. So now that you know, the question is, how are you going to change your self-talk? Keep reading to perfectly understand that it is okay to talk to yourself, but what you say matters. I have told myself that I do not like sodas because they have too much sugar and the fizz hurts my throat when I swallow. Plus, I was on a quest to lose a lot of unwanted fat. And guess what, I have not drunk a soda pop in over 30 years. This strategy really works, and it works for every word you speak, so be incredibly careful what you say and what you think about before you open your mouth and speak words that might harm you or someone else. TALK IS CHEAP WITHOUT ACTION They say, “Talk is cheap,” right? I say that not talking to yourself could cost you a life of dreams or a winning game plan. Not having a good game plan for yourself will cost you more than you bargained for. All talk is not cheap, unless you’re talking a bunch of nonsense. Bottom line is all talk, and no action isn’t going to get you very far. And no self-talk will get you nowhere as well. You must speak life into life. But you can’t just be all talk and no action. Your words have mega power to change your life and the lives of others. Words have energy that vibrates through the atmosphere. So be very care- ful what you say and very, very careful what you think and say, because thoughts really do become things. Does Positive Thinking Work
84 No matter how much you try to think more positively and rid yourself of all the nonsense that just keeps on happening all around you and to you. And that stuff can and will get buried deep into your head. The crazy stuff is like an ocean undercurrent, pulling you under unexpectedly while you’re in shallow water, drowning hopes and dreams. This crazy stuff cre- ates the “little voices in your head” to start the negative chatter. All that chatter in your head can be controlled; you are the master of the little voices in your head because the voices are your own thoughts that you have allowed to run wild, stressing you out, frying your brain cells like overcooked bacon. No one likes overcooked bacon or overcooked any- thing, right? We basically are stressing ourselves out over stuff we cannot do anything about, and we’re not trying to do something about the stuff we can con- trol anyway. When is the last time you ask yourself, “What is wrong with me”? This self-analysis question is the beginning of changing. Here is the thing about mental stressors. Mental stress will kill you! You must get a grip on your thinking, like it is an emergency, because it is. It’s time for a spiritual 911 call to your subconscious mind. It is your life that is online here. Going crazy is not an option. You can save yourself by get- ting real with your thoughts and the way you think about things and what you say silently in your mind and out loud. Words have enormous energy; please do not forget that. Understanding positive thinking and self-talk Positive thinking doesn't mean that you ignore life's less pleasant situa- tions. Positive thinking just means that you approach unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way. You think the best is going to happen, not the worst. Positive thinking often starts with self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through your head. These automatic
85 thoughts can be positive or negative. Some of your self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from misconceptions that you create because of a lack of information or expectations due to precon- ceived ideas of what may happen. If the thoughts that run through your head are mostly negative, your out- look on life is more likely pessimistic. If your thoughts are mostly positive, you're likely an optimist — someone who practices positive thinking. The health benefits of positive thinking Researchers continue to explore the effects of positive thinking and opti- mism on health. Health benefits that positive thinking may provide in- clude: • Increased life span • Lower rates of depression • Lower levels of distress and pain • Greater resistance to illnesses • Better psychological and physical well-being • Better cardiovascular health and reduced risk of death from car- diovascular disease and stroke • Reduced risk of death from cancer • Reduced risk of death from respiratory conditions • Reduced risk of death from infections • Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress It's unclear why people who engage in positive thinking experience these health benefits. One theory is that having a positive outlook enables you to cope better with stressful situations, which reduces the harmful health effects of stress on your body. It's also thought that positive and optimistic people tend to live healthier lifestyles — they get more physical activity, follow a healthier diet, and don't smoke or drink alcohol in excess.
86 Mental stress is at the top of the list when it comes to heart attacks. It causes high blood pressure, which is called the silent killer. Stress can kill you faster than a speeding bullet. Mental illness is just a subtle way of say- ing you’re probably feeling a little CRAZY… LOL! Or perhaps feeling a little off. I have known this feeling very well. This feeling should not be taken lightly. Feeling crazy and stressed out is extremely serious, and if not addressed, it will get worse. Trust your gut; if you are feeling really bad currently, give yourself permission to get help immediately. I’m just saying, you may just need to take a time out. Or perhaps you should go get a massage or sit in a hot tub and take some deep breaths. And I know this works temporarily, and it worked for me because I have been there. I always know when it is time to take a step back and chill out. I usually get this crazy tight, numbing pain in my back, just below my right shoulder. I had to learn to calm my senses down and become more tran- quil. I did this by taking long walks in nature, sitting near waterfalls and streams, and just meditating on the sights and sounds around me. I also listened to meditational videos and audiobooks. It took a lot of my time, but it was worth every minute to save me from going insane. Stress is not a joke, and when you are feeling like you need to take a break, take a break! I even had to block phone numbers of close family members to regain my peace of mind. Family can really be the biggest stressors of all. They think that they have the inherent right to say or do anything to you, but they do not have that right. We give it to them, and we can take it away. Sadly, this holds especially true when it comes to our children. We love our family, but they do not have the right to drive us crazy with all their petty non- sense and constantly whining and pining about every little thing. Let us get wiser about our mental health. Take your power back by changing the way you think about things. Seek peace and pursue it with everything you got, with all your powers! Embrace tranquility by learning to be okay when you are alone. Try to find that quiet place from within. A calm mind is a powerful mind. Learn
87 to speak only loving thoughts to yourself and others. “The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.” ~James Allen
88 MY SUPER QUOTES AND PROSE Self-empowerment comes when you know in your heart that you are right about something, and you do not have to argue to be right. When you can quietly live the truth as you know it, that is authentic power to be at peace with all. One thing I have learned from all the great quotes I have read: they all say the same thing: “Get a GRIP!” Another thing… if you still have tears, it’s still okay to cry until your eyes run dry.
89 What’s My Point? Okay, here is my point. I know you may have heard the saying, “If you tell yourself something over and over again, you start to believe it.” Well, it is true, but it can still be a lie. What we tell ourselves, whether we believe what we are saying or not, our words will become our reality. It does not matter what your conscious mind believes; it is your subconscious mind that brings your world into existence. The bible states, “You shall have what you say.” Mark 11:23,24 “For verily I say unto you, that whosoever shall say unto this mountain, be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall NOT DOUBT in his heart but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have what- soever he saith.” ~Mark 11:23, 24 Let me say it again: be incredibly careful what you say to yourself as well as to others; it shall come to fruition if you say it often enough, whether you mean it or not. Your words reveal intentions, and remember, words are vibrational energies that radiate into the atmosphere. “Be careful what you say, you can never take it back, words stick like glue,” my dad used to tell us. “Think first,” “Don’t just let words fly off your tongue.” He would say animatedly. It is even more important to your psyche what you put your intention and focus on; it is called conscious concentration, which influences the subconscious mind. Focus is concentrated messages of thought that re- program your subconscious mind by using positive self-talk with the power of life-building affirmations that raise your universal magnetic vi- brations and create a more mindful consciousness that will produce its ripened fruit in its season.
90 CHAPTER FOUR THOUGHT AND PURPOSE What does it mean to do something with purpose? When you do something with purpose, you do it with determina- tion. When your activities have a purpose, you have an aim or intention in mind. Purpose can also be used as a verb meaning "to reach a decision" or "to intend," though these uses of the word are quite a bit less frequent nowadays. “They who have no central purpose in their life fall an easy prey to petty worries, fears, troubles, and self-pitying, all of which are indications of weakness, which lead, just as surely as deliberately planned sins (though by a different route), to failure, unhappiness, and loss, for weakness cannot persist in a power evolving universe.” ~ James Allen We should apprehend mentally a legitimate purpose for our life and conceive a plan or passion and pursue it with the greatest of diligence. For in the words of the ancient philosopher, James Allen, to have no purpose is to wander aimlessly in a universe that is ever evolving and moving into new horizons and super technologies. “Aimlessness is a vice,” says James Allen in his historically ac- claimed book, As a Man Thinketh. Why is the thought process so important in developing a purpose and a plan for your life? Well, for starters, without purpose, you have no real rea- son or motivation to live a legitimate and fulfilling life. This oftentimes leads one to deliberately planned sins (though by a different route), to fail- ure, unhappiness, loss, and weakness of character.
91 Have you ever passed by a beggar on the side of the road, or wondered what happened to that person sleeping on a park bench and living under a bridge or under a cardboard box in an alley? What happened to these peo- ple? Are they self-victimized, meaning they never bothered to find their purpose in life? Were they abused so badly by someone they trusted, or perhaps a victim of the government’s promise to take care of our most val- ued Veterans? Did they allow their minds to wander so aimlessly, and not be given to the application of wisdom and knowledge or learning in a more prosperous way? Did they choose the easy way out of learning ex- cellence and married themselves to addictive behaviors and laziness of mind and thoughtlessness? Well, to be honest, we cannot be their judge and jury. Who knows the mind of a man? Who knows where they will end up if mindfulness is not cultivated and nurtured? BECOMING WOKE Hopelessness leads to unhappiness, and unhappiness is a symptom of aim- lessness. The bible defines this aimless symptom as “A drunken slumber,” and admonishes man to become sober-minded and awake. Hopelessness and aimlessness are two vices and are the results of living a life without a purpose. This doesn’t have to happen to you. You have the power to choose any worthwhile endeavor. But you must make a choice to be on purpose. The feeling is like finally becoming “Woke.” Becoming woke. is like a supersized sonic boom brain surge or bright light bulb moment, which outshines the sunrise every morning. Being awoke means you are always able to see the silver lining around the dark clouds and all rainy days, refreshing and purifying the earth and the air. This is just my definition of “Woke,” and you can make up your own definition if you choose. The point is, it is time to get with your program, and if you don’t have a plan or program, then it’s time to get one. It is not a whimsi- cal mindset, but a mindset fixed on becoming the best version of yourself, no matter how hard the task is. Woke is being fully present in the NOW and prepared for whatever event might be important.
92 Failure and unhappiness are the symptoms of a lack of purpose. It's not that you don’t have a purpose to do something special in this world; you do; I believe that all humans are born with a unique purpose, yet some fail to search, ponder it in their minds, or even ask what that purpose could be. Lack of purpose or a feeling of belonging to an ideal for the common good will ultimately lead to aimlessness, and aimlessness usually and more than likely will lead to drug abuse, obesity, homelessness, prostitution, al- coholism, and other needless and useless dysfunctions of life. Aimlessness is a vice! Find The Silver Linings Life is full of setbacks, but for those who look for opportunities In difficult situations, rather than complain about them will bounce back far more quickly-and come back even stronger. Some wise religious folks have even suggested that you can pray and ask God for your purpose. But what good is it to ask God for your purpose and not listen to your inner spirit, which is your all-powerful subcon- scious mind? I believe that God is already in your mind and heart. But because human nature is to resist that which we cannot see with the naked eye, we tend to ignore what our inner spirit or better angel within, is trying to tell us. I believe we all have a spirit guide within that is good, decent, and whole- some. Yet, it’s easier to not think at all, or just remain in an unconscious state of mind while being conscious. This is the idle mind, and you know
93 what they say about an idle mind, right? “The idle mind is the devil’s play- ground.” Who in their right minds wants the devil playing around in it? It is bad enough that we do not really need the devil to make us think and act like idiotic, silly beings; we are quite capable of doing that on our own recognizant. With that in mind, there is always hope, even if you feel your life is hopeless. It’s not! Seek a purpose doing something you love, and that will help oth- ers. Don’t be influenced by the opinions of others for what you should be doing with your life. Most of us were influenced or ill-guided by our peers, parents, teachers, etc., to believe that our purpose in life is what they desired for us. This is often the case, though unintentional, coupled in the guise and deceptions of goodwill and well-meaning advice. Sometimes this well-meaning guid- ance works out well for the hearer, but oftentimes it will lead to resent- ment and a life wasted doing something that you don’t absolutely love. And, when you don’t absolutely love what you do, you’re not going to stick with it. That's when you feel like you’ve failed others and, even worse, yourself, because you couldn’t live up to their expectations or your own. This is a miserable state of mind and sadly why even some famous and rich people eventually commit suicide. Let me tell you something that I heard an actor say in a movie that I’ve watched about four times: “Life is too short to keep doing things you don’t absolutely love.” It’s true! Right? I’ve heard of real doctors eventually be- coming comedians and actors. They are some of the best comedians and performers of cinema I’ve ever seen. But they used to be doctors and sci- entists, you may be saying. The point is, you can always change your career if you don’t like what you do. Even as a comedy star, you’re still helping people relieve stress by laughing their cares and pains away. “A man should conceive of a legitimate purpose in his heart and
94 set out to accomplish it. He should make this purpose the central- izing point of his thoughts. It may take the form of a spiritual ideal, or it may be a worldly object, according to his nature at the time being, but whichever it is, he should steadily focus his thought-forces upon the object, which he has set before him. He should make this purpose his supreme duty, and should devote himself to its attainment, not allowing his thoughts to wander away into ephemeral fancies, longings, and imaginings. This is the royal road to self-control and true concentration of thought. Even if he fails again and again to accomplish his purpose (as he neces- sarily must until weakness is overcome), the strength of character gained will be the measure of his true success, and this will form a new starting-point for future power and triumph.” ~James Allen Why do I consistently quote James Allen? The reason is that he stated the point of my subject so elegantly and intelligently over a hundred years ago, and I couldn’t have said it any better: “As a man thinketh so is he.” He was simply breaking down a quote from the bible in his philosophical wisdom of the meaning, as a writer and poet of his time. What I like most about what he said in the quote above, that really hit home for me, is that no matter how many times we fail, failure is necessary to overcome our weaknesses. The hope of gaining self-control and true concentration of thought is a direct result of conceiving a legitimate pur- pose and focusing on its accomplishment forms the starting point of fu- ture power and triumphs. Purpose is the energy that gets you up every morning, clothed in your right mind. How many people do we know of who wake up miserable, not wanting to face a new day? They are feeling the result of aimlessness and despair because they have not yet found their purpose in life. Nor do they know that they even have a purpose. This is a sad yet true commen- tary for millions of people.
95 Understanding what it means to have a purpose in life, how a purpose develops, and why it is important to lead a life of purpose. Purpose: While definitions of purpose have varied in the past, more recently a consensus has emerged: a purpose in life represents a stable and generalized intention to accomplish something that is at once personally meaningful and at the same time leads to productive engagement with some aspect of the world beyond the self (Damon, Menon, & Bronk, 2003). People who cannot seem to find meaning and purpose for themselves are more likely to join cults and cultures that lead to harmful mindsets, and if led in the wrong direction, they are more likely to follow cult-like leaders and not only do harm to their own bodies, families, and society at large. They have no sense of harmonious direction; they have nothing to stand for uprightly; therefore, they will believe any cultic ideology that seems right but is ultimately destructive behavior that not only will cause them great harm but harm to innocent people as well. This is how gang mem- bers are formed. Young people who did not have any creative and loving guidance are easily led astray. They are, at best, weak-minded and gullible human beings, but ultimately, we can blame their upbringing. It is easier for these individuals to follow the dictates of a man who has lost his good senses, lost his way and common sense, authentic good natured ideals, be- cause he is driven by his ego and wild conspiracy theories, but if they would examine their own brains and learn to think for themselves what they know is right from wrong, they too can change once they decide to ask the universe or God what their purpose is. There is always hope for the hopeless. I have heard of gang members who turned their lives around for the better and then became positive mentors for others. Three Important Components of Purpose There are three important components of purpose, including a goal orien- tation, personal meaningfulness, and a focus on aims beyond the self. First, a purpose in life is a goal. It is a long-term, ultimate aim that directs more proximal behaviors. However, not all goals are purposes. Only far-
96 horizon aims that are particularly meaningful are likely to represent pur- poses in life. For example, seeking to earn good grades is unlikely to repre- sent a purpose since it is a means to an end rather than an end in itself. Imagine an individual who wants to earn good grades to become a teacher. He may find purpose in instructing and molding young minds, and he may realize that to achieve his goal is personally meaningful, a far- horizon aim; he needs to earn good grades. In this case, earning good grades represents an important objective along the path to purpose. This defini- tion of purposeful goals suggests aims are intentionally selected, and re- cent research suggests individuals may possess a motivational self-respon- sible for selecting and directing attention toward particular goals, includ- ing toward purposeful aims (Fischbach, 2014). The motivational self re- solves differences among competing goals and prioritizes goals; in the case of purposeful goal pursuit, personally meaningful aims are likely to be pri- oritized by the motivational self over sources of goal pursuit. Next, a pur- pose in life is personally meaningful. This may seem obvious, but it means that although external forces can help nurture the growth of purpose, the motivation for pursuing such an aim ultimately comes from within. Pur- poses are so personally meaningful, in fact, that individuals feel compelled to actively pursue them by investing time, energy, and resources to make progress toward them. For example, an individual who finds purpose in becoming a caring and compassionate doctor is likely to feel compelled to study hard to get into medical school. Finally, a purpose in life is inspired, at least in part, by a desire to make a difference in the world beyond the self. Individuals pursue a purpose be- cause it offers them a meaningful way of contributing to the broader world. Accordingly, seeking wealth and fame is unlikely to represent a purpose in life, but seeking to make enough money to care for one’s fam- ily may represent a source of purpose since it involves contributing to the well-being of individuals beyond the self, in this case one’s family. There are other ways of contributing to the broader world as well. Working to enhance the environment, caring for animals, creating a new art form, or seeking to follow God’s tenets represent other ways of contributing to the world beyond the self.
97 CHAPTER FIVE THOUGHT AND EMOTIONS In this chapter, I want to help you distinguish between thoughts and emotions. One trait that’s commonly found in people who get depressed is a ten- dency to confuse thoughts and feelings, and this is another area where in- trospection can be helpful. You might hear someone say things like the following: • I feel underappreciated and undervalued • I feel overweight • I feel like a failure • I feel she does not like me • I feel sick all the time • I do not feel loved • I do not feel beautiful enough Here is the good news when it comes to feelings and thoughts, but there are a couple of problems here as well. One is that thoughts are easier to change than feelings, and in fact changing our thoughts changes how we feel. I will say it repeatedly: changing our thoughts and changing our feel- ings. Feelings ignite emotions, and emotions are the slaves to our feelings. Ever heard someone say, “Do not let your emotions get in the way of your decision- making, or never make a major decision when you are emo- tional? Emotions are like the tide of the ocean: they crash violently onto the shore and then gently recede back into the vast, deep ocean. Another problem is that feelings are indisputable. They are not open to dispute. When you negotiate with feelings, you lose your power to think rationally. If you say you “feel fat” and I point out that you are well within the normal range for your height, you can just come back and say
98 “Yes, but I feel fat,” and you may even be upset that your “feelings” are not being validated. This could be a cry for attention or even a more seri- ous mental issue. Either way, it is confusion at best, but you can help your- self with the right thoughts. If you do not get the help that you need when it comes to feelings that are not legitimate or based on facts, it could lead to some unfortunate dysfunctional behavior. Let us take the feeling of be- ing fat, and you are very well within your ideal weight; this illegitimate feeling could lead to anorexia or bulimia. Do you understand what I am saying about feelings? With a little knowledge about how your thoughts work to shape your psy- che, there is hope for change. And by tracking your feelings and what trig- gered them, you can get on top of controlling your emotions. Yet another problem is that if we confuse thoughts and feelings, thinking that our thoughts are feelings, then we are, in a sense, out of touch with our feelings. The sooner we understand how our thoughts master’s every aspect of our lives, the sooner we can get on with really living our best life. We can become our best selves despite problematic circumstances and world-changing chaotic events. “Circumstance does not make the man; it reveals him to himself.” ~ James Allen Even during the COVID-19 Pandemic, I had to undergo a five-hour back surgery before any vaccine was available, but I did not, for one minute, contemplate getting the disease while I was in the hospital, surrounded by dying COVID-19 patients. Not only that, but I also managed to get my first book published while in recovery. I was determined to control my emotions of despair and pain to achieve my lifelong goal as an author. It was hard, to say the least, but I trained my brain to think better thoughts. If I could do it, anyone can. That is what is meant by “mind over matter.”
99 Mind Over Matter If you just remember that you are the master of your mind and that the body is a slave to your mind, you can master all emotions, no matter what you feel. There were times when authoring this book, I just did not want to write one word. It was not because I had writer’s block either. My sub- conscious was not used to being focused and was trying to choose to be in a familiar place, the comfort zone. Then, there were times when I legit- imately needed a mental break. It is okay to choose to take a break to relax your mind and meditate or breathe deeply every now and then, but you need to know the difference between a real healthy feeling and unhealthy emotions. So how to distinguish between healthy feelings and emotional internal conflicts and despondent thoughts? First, let's say that it is not easy being a sane human in an insane world full of drama on all sides. But it can be possible to have control over what happens to us while on this earth. “A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. And he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against circumstances but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of the hidden powers and possibilities within him- self.” ~ James Allen-As a Man Thinketh Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all connected and influence one another. So, for example, if we are feeling sad or depressed, we might have thoughts like we are not worth much of anything, and we might do be- haviors like staying in bed all day. On the other hand, if we are feeling happy or excited, we might have thoughts like the future is bright, and we might do behaviors like calling a friend or seeing a movie. During the
100 COVID-19 shutdown, I live-streamed so many movies and series, but my go-to choice was stand-up comedy. They say that laughter is like a good medicine. It helped me to binge on other people’s laughter. Track Your Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors Sometimes it can be helpful to keep track of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, especially if we are feeling down and want to feel happier. Sometimes when I am feeling down, I might not have an explanation for it. That happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I was feeling sad, but I was not sure why. I decided to go deep within and be honest about what was really going on with a relationship I was in. So, I decided to write down what I did not like in my relationship and how I felt it could be improved. The problem was, I didn’t want to face the truth of the relationship: that I was giving way more to the relationship than I was getting back, but was afraid that if I addressed my feelings to my partner, he would want to leave me altogether. Once I told him how I was feeling, I felt a sense of freedom from my emotional pain. Once he understood how I was feeling, he changed his behavior as well and became more attentive to my needs. If we can pause and identify our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we might learn valuable information that could help us move forward. For example, the thoughts I experienced that went along with my feeling sad were thinking that I was alone, and my boyfriend was not spending enough time with me. Although he worked seven days a week, I refused to accept that he loved me and that he just did not have the time to invest in our relationship. The behaviors that went along with my feeling sad included staying in my apartment, not engaging with my friends, and not picking up the phone when someone called me, nor did I want to call an- yone. I became a prisoner of my feelings until I decided to set myself free by thinking better, accentuating the positive aspects of our relationship, which were many wonderful moments.
101 The plus for me was discovering the power of affirmation. The best one for me was this affirmation, “I am happy and at peace when I am alone.” I practiced saying it for months until it became my reality. Positive affir- mations really work if you listen to them and say them regularly. Positive change takes time, so repeat your affirmations for at least thirty (30) DAYS, until your subconscious mind is set on autopilot. No one has to tell you how to brush your teeth or drive a car after you’ve done it for a while. Read the chapter on “Thoughts and Affirmations.” Now let’s see how we can keep up with our feelings and behaviors so we can get some real help. Below is an example of how to track your thoughts that affect your feelings and behavior. So, if I were keeping track of my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, I might write down the following: EXAMPLE OF TRACKING FEELINGS: Time: Saturday night Thought: I am alone. I am out of step with my friends. Feeling: Sadness Behavior: Isolating. Not calling friends. Not picking up the phone. As I continue to track my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, I can begin to get more information about what thoughts and behaviors are associ- ated with each of my feelings. What is going on when I’m feeling Sad? An- gry? Scared? Happy? Excited? Tender? Understanding this information is the first step toward making a change. Although this does not apply to feelings of grief for the loss of a loved one.
102 In this case, you must process your feelings of sadness and mourn and grieve as long as necessary and then let it pass eventually. Action Step: Stop three times during your day today and write down your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Try to do this once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and once in the evening. Did you learn anything about yourself? What thoughts and behaviors are associated with each of your feelings? Don’t forget, change takes time, but until you change, don’t be so hard on yourself. You can and will change, but it’s going to take time.
103 CHAPTER SIX THOUGHT AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT “Thought and character are one, and as character can only mani- fest and discover itself through environment and circumstance, the outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to be harmo- niously related to his inner state. This does not mean that a man's circumstances at any given time are an indication of his entire character, but that those circumstances are so intimately connected with some vital thought-element within himself that, for the time being, they are indispensable to his development. Every man is where he is by the law of his being; the thoughts which he has built into his character have brought him there, and in the arrangement of his life there is no element of chance, but all is the result of a law which cannot err. This is just as true of those who feel "out of harmony" with their surroundings as of those who are content with them. ~James Allen In this chapter, I will attempt to help you understand the relationship be- tween your thoughts and how your thoughts shape your character. You are who you are, and this is not by chance, but by the thoughts of who you think you are and what others have told you who you should be or taught you who they thought you should be. Start by listening to your inner spirit instead of listening to the opinions of others, including your teacher, principals, and peers. Chances are they do not even know who they are supposed to be or what their true passions are. You can be well off or rich, but miserably internally unfulfilled. Many are called to be something in life, and there are many vocations that need gifted talents, but not everyone was chosen to be a Barack Obama or an Oprah Winfrey. You have your own unique purpose, and it probably has
104 nothing to do with making money or gaining all the wealth of the world, or perhaps it does; if you are to invent something that will cure cancer or something along those lines. Nobel Prize winners do get a big paycheck for doing remarkable things for humanity. Other than that, movie stars and selfish people can gain the entire world and still lose their own souls. How sad. Not all famous people, but most entertainment folks, are rich and miserable. And not all movie stars are selfish and arrogant. There is nothing wrong with having wealth and riches, but your aim in life should be to become internally fulfilled and happy, even if you choose to be a sanitation worker or a plumber. Be the best at whatever you desire to do and do it with the joy of rising early in the morning, with a smile on your face. That is when you know you have found your purpose. The good news is you can change your character anytime you decide. I know this sounds whimsical and fanciful, but it is true. Anyone can change their character and rearrange their life by the law of natural har- mony with creation. Thought is the power train that drives character. Your character is not cemented in circumstances. Circumstances are shaped by your thoughts and by the trickster called chance. Chance and circumstances are the excuse builders of innate failures. Innate, meaning existing naturally or by heredity rather than being learned through expe- rience. All characters are produced by the mind rather than learned through experience. Yet, this is not an absolute case because some charac- teristics can be shaped by outside influences while one is still in their form- ative age. Most times, these ages are during pre-adolescence and pre-teens. Although experience plays a role in shaping some characteristics, it is not the sole cause of certain actions or reactions.Some philosophers or ration- alist philosophy of ideas believe that innate character is present in the mind before any experience and knowable by pure reason. I genuinely be- lieve that the character of a person can be innate before a person is born, while still deep in development in the mother’s womb. Here is what I mean: how the mother was treated or how she treated herself, mentally and physically, while she was pregnant.
105 Studies have shown that even breast-fed babies have better attitudes and a gentler and nicer character than bottle-fed babies. Personally, I know this to be true, but that is not a story for this book. No matter the circumstances we are conceived under, character can be reshaped by intentional conscious mindsets as you become an adult and free thinker. Your mind has the power to think and choose independently of circumstances and conditions. Man is always the master of his thoughts and able to change his thoughts at any given time. This is the power of the mind, and we all have this power if we want to use it. “Men are anxious to improve their circumstances but are unwill- ing to improve themselves.” ~James Allen We must first acknowledge that the problems we are facing might have anything to do with our own way of thinking about things before real change of character can start. The late lyrical genius, Michael Jackson, said it best in one of his great songs he wrote, “I’m looking at the man in the mirror, to make that change.” The little voices in your head are yours. Now it is time to look at the man in the mirror, who is you, and see how we can change the way we think. HOW TO CHANGE YOUR MOOD I know all too well what it feels like when you are emotionally stressed out. Sometimes you feel like you just want to curl up in a knot and just die. But curling up in a ball and wishing it would all go away is not going to help change your feelings of despair. All it will do is put you in a funky mood, and once that happens, most times it is hard to get out of those moods. Funky moods not only affect your psyche, but they affect every- one and everything around you. Your emotions are feelings, and feelings control your mood; they are both energy frequencies. Once again, let me reemphasize that this does not apply to feelings of grief and mourning. Those are legitimate feelings and must be processed without inhibiting the emotions. If you feel like crying in this case, by all means…cry your
106 heart out until the sadness eventually passes, and it will with time. Do not hold back your feelings of grief because, believe it or not, this is a part of the loving process. Feel the pain and eventually, as soon as you can, let it go and get on with your life. WHAT FEELINGS REALLY ARE Let’s discuss what feelings really are so we can train our brains to deal with the nonsense thoughts that change your moods. First, moods are not a terrible thing. It is when a bad feeling makes your mood turn from good to funky. I like that word, funky; it best describes the stench of the garbage we are all faced with daily in this difficult world. Even rich people go through crazy stuff. It is very possible that a rich person’s nonsense is worse than a poor man who is content with the little he has. The bible says, “To whom much is given much is required.” All that means to me is the more you have, the more stuff you must deal with in life. I don’t really know because I’ve never been rich, well maybe a little rich, but mostly in spirit. But I would not mind finding out that having treasures isn’t everything, yet it is possible to have a wealth of love, and that money cannot buy. I’m just saying, right? HELL IN A HAND BASKET When a messed-up thought crosses your mind, and you feel like every- thing is about to go to hell in a hand basket, you are going to have to acknowledge that thought right away and think another thought quickly. You can do this. I have put my mind to the test many times. You have the power to change your thoughts in an instant. What I am saying is, you cannot just let your thoughts run amok in your head, especially if the thought is making your mood change from happy to feeling (crazy).
107 Below are a few sure-fire ways to change your mood when you are feeling thoughts of despair and anger. First, remember that feelings are just that, feelings, and they can be changed from one minute to the next. It is all in how you think about things and your perspectives. But if you are having trouble changing your perspectives, think about changing your mood. So, here is what I suggest you do. 1. When feeling a low spirit, unhappy, lonely, tired, and moody, put on DANCE MUSIC, and DANCE! Your mood will not only change for the better, but you will also probably lose some unwanted pounds of fat. And that alone will make you feel a whole lot better in the long run. 2. When feeling like you want to get back at someone who hurt you, FORGIVE THEM! AND LET IT GO! Revenge is never a clever idea. Forgiveness is not for the perpetrator; it is for you. Let all that go! When Will Smith apologized to Chris Rock on national televi- sion, he freed his soul and mind; now, if Chris Rock is as smart as we all hope he is, he will forgive Will Smith and let it go now. And if Will Smith is as smart as I believe he is, except for that one mistake, he will also forgive himself too. An unforgiving heart will never be justified or give you peace within, especially when you can’t forgive yourself. 3. When you want to engage in a spousal dispute, try a few deep breaths, and remember why you decided to get married in the first place and then give each other a 3 SECOND KISS. Three seconds does not seem like a long time, but when it comes to kissing, it is a dream come true and may lead to some passionate lovemaking. Who wants to fight when sex feels so much better? And I mean making up and making love is so much better! You will probably not even remember what caused the argument in the first place. This really works. 4. When you are feeling tired and run down, put on your walking shoes and go on a nature hike or walk. Investing in an off-road bike or a regular bike, cycling will do wonders for your mood. 5. Learn to play a musical instrument. The challenge of learning music will strengthen your brain cells and occupy your empty spaces of loneliness. 6. Start a Podcast or YouTube Channel. They are easy to start with and
108 give you a chance to intermingle with other people about topics that interest you. You might even make some money. I’ve heard of YouTube creators making millions of dollars. Your podcast can be about anything from current events, Spouse troubles or successes, boyfriend or girlfriend advice, to how to stop stressing over all the nonsense in your life. You can talk about anything you want, and it’s free to sign up. 7. Grieving? When it comes to the loss of a loved one, and you are feel- ing the pains of sadness, my best advice to you is to GRIEVE! Also, most importantly, get counselling if you need to. But it is okay to cry and cry as long as you have tears; cry. Tears are God’s gift to those who are brokenhearted. I lost my oldest sister while tweaking this book, and I hurt so bad until I started working again on my book. It com- forted me to know that is what my sister would have wanted. Do not let anyone tell you how long to mourn or grieve. Talk about how you are feeling with someone you trust to listen to you and will not judge you. I have had a lot of death in my family, and at first it really hurt, but I continued to work and care for others, and the pain got less with each day. Also, remember that the people who loved you would not want you to go around sad, thinking about them. They really want you to live the rest of your life in joy and happiness. Trust me, I know this for a fact because I have been there many times. Everything is go- ing to be okay; I promise. Now, if all the above suggestions fail to work for you, you should seek pro- fessional help, or perhaps you should try CBD gummies/Cannabis.... LOL. There are great mental health therapists and psychologists out there that can help you, and some of them will not even charge you for their services. But most of them want a fee, so don’t be fooled by their sympa- thetic nonsense. Whatever the case, take care of your mental health; take it seriously. Seek peace and pursue it with everything in you. Don’t forget to pray as well…your life depends on it! Your life depends on your words, and your words depend on good thoughts. Guard your mind as if it’s under constant attack because it is. Build a moat
109 around your cranium castle. Your mind is your Hightower that rules your kingdom of thoughts. Fill that moat with some super intelligent alligators (positive thoughts and affirmations). Those gators in your moat, I will call your firm Nos! Just don’t say it aloud…lol. I’m just saying, stop letting people upset you or say anything to you and about you. You do not have to allow people to get on your nerves. You do not have to give permission to the crazy stuff. Just stop it! And you need to think about guarding your thoughts from your own bad and negative thoughts. Everything is going to be okay. Trust yourself and love yourself. “Good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results; bad thoughts and actions can never produce superior results … We un- derstand this law in the natural world, and work with it; but few understand it in the mental and moral world—although its oper- ation there is just as simple and undeviating—and they, therefore, do not cooperate with it.” ~James Allen
110 CHAPTER SEVEN THOUGHTS AND FEAR “Do not dwell upon the sins and mistakes of yes- terday so exclusively as to have no energy and mind left for living rightly today, and do not think that the sins of yesterday can prevent you from living purely today.” ~James Allen Inhale Courage ~ Exhale Fear! What is the real definition of fear? Where does fear come from, and is it good to have a measure of fear, or can fear harm you? Why are we con- stantly told not to fear? When there is stress, blood flow moves away from the genius part of your brain... and the emotional response center of your brain gets flooded with fear. Did you know that “Fear not” is in the Bible 365 times? Isn’t that the same number of days in a year? Think about that! When you fear, a part of your brain called the AMYGDALA responds to the whole fear-based situation by shutting down your motivation circuits. “To release fearful emotions and nurture the genius part of your brain, you need to know what fear is and where it comes from. Let us explore the different types of fear in the Bible and the real world. Fear As a Biochemical and Emotional Reaction Fear is a primitive emotion that we humans have, and it's used to tell us about the danger that might be around us. In the past, it was used by our ancestors to keep them alive. This is accomplished because of two differ- ent types of reactions: a biochemical and an emotional response.
111 Biochemical reactions are something you feel physically, such as an in- creased heart rate, sweating, and higher adrenaline levels. If you're familiar with the fight or flight response, that's essentially what you are feeling, as it is your body preparing to either fight or run away. It's an auto-response that's crucial to survival, and even in situations that are not dangerous physically, we may still experience this. For example, breaking out in a sweat and feeling your heartbeat get faster when you are giving a school presentation. Then there is the emotional response, which is a personalized response to fear. Some people will actively seek out this fear while others will avoid it at all costs. There are also softer responses throughout the spectrum, and fear may be felt as a positive or negative experience. Psychology and What Causes Fear What's the rationale behind the things you fear? Why are people afraid of insects or things that go bump in the night? Why does the idea of giving a group seminar throw you into a state of nervousness? Nervousness is a symptom of stress, and remember, stress is a silent killer of your heart. Well, it's something that fundamentally occurs when we encounter something that we can't quite understand, control, or that we think will harm us. We have three types of fears. They are: • Natural fears • Conditioned fears • And I’ll add one more: manufactured fears. THE FEAR BREAKDOWN Now, I will break down each one of those fears for you so hopefully you can get past each one and think more clearly and understand what’s really
112 going on in that head of yours. There is a reason we don’t have to fear anything or anyone anymore. You can fear the thing but do it anyway! You are a dragon slayer! Slay your fears with swords of hope and arrows of courage. First, I want to author a poem for you about fear. Poetry and musical lyr- ics are easy to remember because of the rhyme and rhythm that saturates the right brain, that part of the brain that loves creativity, peace, and has a superior retention span. On the next page, my poem I dedicate to you, my amazing, fearless readers… “Fear Not!” Slay your fears with swords of hope and arrows of courage. ~Idalia
113 FEAR NOT Idalia Willis, © 2021 Fear Not The shadows of fear are never near They disguise as wise yet appear out of nowhere But the atmosphere of lies as an elusive spy Without a plan, fear will be the master lie It seems so relevant at the time So real the intent to steal your mind To get you off focus with its hocus-pocus magic tricks Fear will not let you know what’s next Fear not You expel the joy for illusions of what if Instead of a clear vision of the summit, you see a cliff To take a dive when you could stay alive The shadow of fear is never near It is an illusion of the mind to keep you behind Fear not You can escape your fearful illusional state Or your pos- sibilities it will rape Don’t give in to fear and do not yield, or it will kill It will take your health and make you ill Fear steals hopes and dreams with tricky schemes Fear is an elusive scheme destroying dreams Of the possibilities and creativity that are yours You de- sire the big scores in life, not strife Fear not Bury fear in the past where it will not last Think like a boss or it will cost, and you will be lost Many tears are the direct result of unnecessary fear And lost hopes and lost careers Fear is not for you because by self-love and self-cheers Fear Not! Fear not! Fear not, wipe away those tears
114 What are the psychological effects of fear? Psychological effects of fear can include disturbing or confusing thoughts, loss of focus, and uncertainty. People may also experience a va- riety of emotional effects, including terror, anxiety, anger, despair, numb- ness, or feelings of helplessness. I think that one of the biggest fears we all face is the fear of change. Why is this fear the most debilitating fear of all? The answer is that it keeps us from fulfilling our true destiny and purpose. The subconscious mind is the part of your thought centers that is comfortable with what is familiar. It feeds on what is familiar and seeks to keep you in that zone. It is con- trolled by the dictates of the conscious mind and words that you speak and your thoughts, whether those thoughts are positive, negative, or in- voluntarily uncertain and aimless pondering. Metathesiophobia (Fear of Change) The fear of change or changing things is called Metathesiophobia. It is often linked with Tropophobia, which is the fear of moving. The origin of the word Metathesiophobia comes from Greek “meta,” meaning change, and “phobos,” meaning fear. What is Fear of Change? Labeled metathesiophobia, this level of fearing change causes persistent, unrealistic and intense anxiety when facing new situations or experiences. Common Symptoms of Metathesiophobia: Those who have metathesiophobia may experience: Every person experiences their own level of fear of change. That is why comfort zones exist. You are not alone in these feelings. In fact, neurosci- entists have revealed that vagueness feels similar to failure in our brains. That is why so many people would rather avoid change because of how uncomfortable the correlated emotions are.
115 Except in fight-or-flight situations, Fear is not your friend; it is the enemy of change and the nail in your coffin of unfulfilled dreams and hopes for success! While it is natural to feel that change is scary, some people may be dealing with something more serious. That something more is called metathesio- phobia, and it is such an intense fear of change that it can be petrifying and awfully hard to live with. We will look at what it means to fear change, common symptoms of me- tathesiophobia, how to live with the fear of change, and methods to over- come such feelings. Below are some common symptoms of fear of change. Common Symptoms of Fear of Change: Anxiety Depression Fatigue Pain Stress What are some of the real reasons we fear change? The number one reason is the fear of the unknown and uncertainty. These reasons are what I will call shadows on the wall. I remember as a child I would call out to my dad, screaming in the middle of the night, scared out of my wits, which at nine years old, I had no wit or brains…lol, but I would scream out that I saw a monster in my room. My dad would come running in only to find a cur- tain open and the streetlights reflecting shadows of the trees blowing in the night wind. Nonetheless, I thought I saw something, and it was an un- known figure on the wall or in my closet. Those were mental illusions caused by watching scary movies and pulling nasty little childish pranks on some of my six brothers. They deserved every prank, believe me; my brothers were full of boyish mischief. But my point is, what I had pro- cessed in my head during the day stuck in my subconscious mind as fear. By the time we become adults, we have processed and programmed hun- dreds of memories that scared us. Some of these memories are legitimate
116 reasons to fear change or have limited our trust in moving forward from our comfort zones. We want to feel safe, and as long as we do not take chances, we think we are safe from the invisible boogie men, called change and chance. The day will come when you are going to take the leap and a calculated risk. Jump with your eyes wide open. We fear change because it means that outcomes are unknown. Our brains are designed to find peace in knowing. When we do not know what will happen, we make up scenarios and, in turn, create unnecessary worries. Humans find it hard to move on when something common and familiar ends. The subconscious is where memories are stored in the hippocam- pus, and it is very hard to let go of all the stuff that has been compartmental- ized. The fear of failure also comes into play to create a fear of change. If we do not know how something will turn out, we may rather not try at all to change because we believe the outcome could be worse, or it is just more comfortable to where it feels safe. LEGITIMATE FEARS For instance, perhaps we were once married and thought we had found our perfect mate for life, and then that perfect partner became abusive or cheated on you. This might give you a fear of not wanting to ever get mar- ried again or even date again. This is what I call a legitimate fear because it does not include an unknown situation. And, for a time, it will give you a wise precautionary mindset and might keep you single for a good reason, but fearing to never try again is not a healthy alternative in any situation. Even legitimate fears can hold back the most courageous warrior, but not for long. I remember the first time I wrote a poetry book and sent it off to a pub- lisher, and it came back rejected. I was so hurt by that rejection; I com- pletely shut down my literary desire to even try again. It took me almost twenty years to attempt to get published again, although I had authored
117 two books. I never wanted to try and get a publisher again for fear of get- ting rejected. Who knows, one of those books could have been a bestseller. But I would never know because I did not take a chance. Do not let this happen to you. See fear for what it really is and let it motivate you. You know what they say: “Do the things you fear the most and do it anyway,” and you will succeed. Do not let fear kill your dreams; let it move you into battle for the fittest. I am now working on my second published book, and I will not fear being rejected by any publisher again. I believe in a bestselling book deal from here on out. I will succeed, and so will you. You can learn to overcome fear by becoming more resilient. Humans get stressed more than they re- alize. Everything from paying bills to dealing with traffic can set off stress- ors in the brain. Learning to be resilient can help you cope more effec- tively and stave off most fears. “Resilient brains can shut off the stress response and return to baseline quickly. Resilient people seem to have the capacity to ap- propriately regulate the subcortical fear circuits under condi- tions of stress.” ~Charney Fear can mentally drain you of much-needed energy. Anxiety is a symptom of continuous fear of things or something. It will drain you of energy and cause you to feel like you have no strength or fortitude for simple life tasks. Fear can cause you many unnecessary sleepless nights. You fear los- ing your job, losing weight, losing your life, and so you decide to fold and shut down, curl up in a big old ball and develop a self-pitying attitude. This is a mistake and a bald-faced lie of fear. Fear will destroy your life and goals for a richer and healthier life. You do not have to let this happen. You were created with unlimited possibilities. Fear and failure are tools that build success! Use them to your advantage. Embrace change and vulnerability:
118 Being vulnerable puts you in a place where you can face your fears. It is accepting that you may not have control, but you can overcome and man- age any circumstance or situation you face. Be open-minded about what’s not familiar and ordinary. But be cautious about that trickster called chance. Take calculated risks sometimes. Some phobias are good, and some are not. Let experience and knowledge be your guide, not fear, for this is where you will find authentic possibilities and power. I remember not wanting to drive on the Interstate when it rained because I was once in a serious car accident. I hydroplaned off Interstate I-20 on 9/11/2007 and went off a mountainside in Georgia, on my way into Atlanta, totaling my Infiniti. I was lucky or, as some may say, blessed to walk out of that car with only minor injuries, but it left me with a fear or phobia of driving on the highway while it was raining. I had to learn to embrace some form of vulnerability or risk becoming handicapped by the fear. I could not afford to do that because I loved to travel by car. So, I continued to face my fear, with a degree of reluctance, over the years. It was not easy to be honest with you, but it was achievable. Now I love driv- ing on rainy days. It calms me… I know what you are thinking, “Really?” Yes, really! I’m not afraid to drive in the rain, but I would prefer it to be a clear and sunny day… LOL! When you are able, welcome change, you gradually diminish fear (with all its potential good and bad), and you can regain a sense of power. “By defining your purpose, you can diminish your fear of change. If you do not know what you want, then any decision can be scary. But if you first understand your “why,” then when you have to make decisions or a change, you can ask yourself if it will align with your purpose. This can help to eliminate options that do not work towards achieving goals.” ~Dr. Dennis Charney Learn to live in the NOW. Living in the past can fester old pains and fears,
119 so learn to live in the moment and create your moments with positive vibes like music, dancing, smiling or great, simple, loving moments with your partner and loved ones. Try to get out in nature as much as possible. I know for a fact that nature walks are healing to the brain. Remember the old saying, “Take time to stop and smell the roses.” You can have lofty goals and aspirations for the future, but I suggest that you do not live in the future because it can cause unnecessary anxiety. Learning how to practice gratitude and be grateful for what you have right now is very healing for your psyche. If you have goals and aspirations, write them down in a journal. Plan and write small goals to reach bigger goals. This does not have to take a lot of your time at all. Just jot down your goals and ideas on paper, visit them from time to time and check off the ones you have achieved. This process will give YOU a continue sense of achievement, and that will boost your confidence gradually. Confidence equals consistency, and consistency destroys procrastination dead in its tracks. Procrastination is the cancer that eats away at your dreams. This entire process will eliminate fear of change and failure. Stay focused on being happy no matter what, and remember, inch by inch everything in life is a cinch. You didn’t learn how to ride a bike, or how to do arithmetic and how to read in a day. Nothing comes to you overnight, but a dream and some dreams are worth remembering, but do not settle for just being a dreamer; plans of action are what will get you to the finish line. Everything worthwhile having is go- ing to take time and require a process, and you will make it. A little healthy fear is okay as long as you use it to your advantage. And remember, my friends, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Okay, I am not a holy roller or extremely religious person, but I do believe in most of the opti- mistic scriptures in the Bible. Below are a few of them that address fear and anxiety. Say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong, FEAR NOT!
120 Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.” Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~Isaiah 41:10 Okay, now that I have appealed to your better angels within with what the Bible has to say about not fearing, let’s talk about fear in the real world. Are there such things as health fear? I certainly believe there is a measure of fear we should all possess. With so much crazy stuff going on around us these days- wars, murders, random shootings, prices going up, global warming, terrorism, economic insecurity, and a deadly global pandemic- we fear for our safety and sanity! We are living in a seriously perilous time such as never before. This very well could have been the longest chapter in my book, but I am scaring myself just writing this chapter, so I wanted to talk about us de- veloping some healthy fears without becoming overly anxious and crazy. Reality has to come into play here sooner rather than later because we live in a real ugly world, and the only alternative to living is dying, and that’s
121 not an option if you are still alive and healthy. We fear for our loved ones, our children’s health and welfare, our finan- cial ability to stay above water in a global pandemic, with prices going up, from gas to diapers and the food we need to sustain our bodies. The list of nonsense can go on and on… get longer by the day. There is just so much messed-up stuff that we could potentially worry about and legiti- mately so, that it is totally justified to pull your hair out, if you have any. Some of us are working two or three jobs just to stay afloat and make ends meet, though the ends never really do meet. I’ve struggled with fear and worry for most of my adult life. Some of my fears were manufactured nonsense stuff created in my head because I was constantly seeing myself as a victim of circumstances. Some of that mess was real, but to be honest, my pessimism and lack of faith in myself brought a lot of my problems to fruition. I know I’m not alone in this mindset of thinking. But is there a fear that can help us? Sure, there is. Fear of forgetting your past mistakes, and are you destined to repeat them. For instance, if you ignore red flags in a relationship and think things will change in the future and fear things will get worse or change for the better, that is a healthy fear. If you fear you might get mugged in a dark alley coming out of a nightclub at 2:00 am in the morning alone, that is really a healthy fear. The fear of meeting a stranger you met on a dating site for the first time, at their place or yours, is a very healthy fear. Do you get it? Let’s say you met someone, and they told you they don’t seem to have any luck in the love department because they had a short temper in the past, but they’ve changed now. Don’t take a chance; they will be kind and gen- tle with you. People can and do change, but you must have a measure of caution when it comes to someone who has a predisposition for vio- lent outbursts. An admission of “I used to be an angry bird” is a sure red flag, my friend, that you should not ignore. You can fear the red flags of
122 “I’ve changed, but I can’t keep a relationship for more than two weeks.” You don’t have to become suspicious of everyone or fearful of being the next victim, but in the famous words of the late great Maya Angelou, “When people show you who they really are the first time, believe them.” Do you get what I’m trying to say? Chance is not always on your side. It doesn’t mean you are not supposed to be adventurous or take some calculated risk in life; it just means that you have some wise caution radar energy going on. Trust your intuition; it will never fail you. If you know that if you eat an Oreo cookie, it will lead you to eating the whole package, don’t eat the one cookie. Fear the de- lightful treats. This is a good fear. Fear of spiders and rattlesnakes, that is a good fear. Do you get what I mean about fear? All fear is not a bad thing. But if you are walking around just extremely par- anoid about everything, then you got a real problem. Get over the crazy thoughts or stop watching those idiotic Lifetime Movies… No, don’t stop watching Lifetime, because most of those stories are true, LOL! There are scary people out there. They look like pastors, doctors, and the boy or girl next door. John Wayne Gacy, the serial killer, dressed up like a clown, and he was killing little children and burying them in his crawl space… true story. Be vigilant, and listen to your gut, but don’t walk around fearful of everyone and everything. There is the fear of flight or fight. This is a healthy fear. If you’re walking to your car in an underground parking garage alone, and you feel like you are being followed, chances are, you are being followed. That feeling is healthy, and a paranoia experience is legit. It is a gut feeling, and you should trust your gut feelings. It is your built-in intuition telling you to take precautions. We all have that intuition, and it should not be ignored even if there is no one behind you. Just trust your intuition and highlight it to your car because human monsters are real. But do not go through life constantly thinking everybody is out to get you. Because they are not! That is the characteristic of a paranoid individual. You should probably
123 think about not watching so many scary movies. If you’ve never been attacked in the subway or been raped in a dark alley, you should not feel like you should be afraid to catch the A-Train in the middle of the day or just walking to your car in the parking lot of Kroger’s Grocery Store. Now, if you decide to ride the train or go out in the dark- ness of night alone, then be afraid, be very afraid. There are bad people in this world, and they have no heart and don’t care who they hurt. Do not put yourself in precarious situations in the first place, but if you do… have a reasonably amount of healthy fear and do not make stupid de- cisions as well. But to make a long story short, there are good reasons to fear the unknown. I personally do not go out at night in Atlanta alone. I watch the news every morning, so I know what is going on in my surroundings and city. I do not put myself in unnecessary danger. A healthy fear is knowing your sur- roundings and listening to your built-in intuition. The little voice in your head will not lead you wrong, so listen to it and do not ignore it. Have you ever said to yourself, “Something told me not to do this, or that, or do not go there.” That something is your inner spirit. It is a quiet spirit but speaks loudly to your soul, and you are a living soul. Another harmless fear humans enjoy is the adrenaline rush of entertain- ment fear. Personally, I find it hard to believe that some or most humans want to be afraid, and they want to be scared out of their wits! They want to watch paralyzing horror movies; I mean the real scary movies that send chills up your spine. I don’t get it. Every year millions of millions of peo- ple dress up and prepare to meet the devil and witches and ghosts on Hal- loween. They not only love the spooky holiday, but they love to scare their children and load them up with a lot of unhealthy treats. We dress up in the spookiest, weirdest, and ghostliest costumes and even
124 give parties with prize contests, with awards going to the ugliest goonies and monsters. It was supposed to be all in fun, but I don’t much care to be in the fright night festivities myself. I prefer to cut out all the lights and go to bed at around 7:00 p.m. before the little ghosts and goblins get to my front door. I do buy the trick-or-treat candies that I like just in case the little rug rats don’t show up with their grubby little hands out begging for free candy… LOL! But during COVID-19 before the vaccines, I put a note on my door stating that I was sick with the disease! Hahaha, just kidding, but the idea did cross my mind. I must admit, though, when I was a kid, other than Christmas, Halloween candy day was one of the best days of my life. I mention all the above as a voluntary fear, as far as it being healthy for you, maybe not the candy, but I think it is harmless and can be a fearless experience, to say the least. Just try to enjoy your life and not worry, and do not be overly anxious about every little thing and create a plan to handle the big stuff. They say the only thing to fear is fear itself, right? “The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors; that which it loves, and also that which it fears;” ~James Allen Stop looking over your shoulder for the shadows of fear. Be sure your thoughts will manifest the energies you exude from within. If you think you are going to get pulled over by the police because you haven’t renewed your car tags on time, chances are you will get pulled over. Make sure you check your privileged credentials regularly and handle your business beforehand, so you never have to worry about time running out on what is important for your safety, security or peace of mind. “Those that fear the malevolent disease are usually those that get
125 the illness.” ~James Allen In the case of a world pandemic that no one saw coming, I respectfully disagree with the late Mr. Allen’s above quote. There are exceptions to the rules of fear. Unexpected nonsense stuff happens to the most loving and positive people. Not every situation that happens to you is your fault or how you thought. I don’t want you to ever get it twisted. But I do know that when nonsense happens, how you handle it determines the outcome. I’m just saying, when the things do hit the fan, as they say, don’t lay down in it. G e t b a c k u p , shake it off and clean yourself off if you are still breathing. It isn’t over until it’s over…right? You must fight for your life with courage to survive! Do not fear the shadows on the wall. A shadow cannot harm you, and chances are, it is your own shadow of self-neglect that you fear. Here is one of my favorite scriptures that keeps me centered when my mind seems to focus on fear. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.” ~Psalm 23:4-6 KJV I have heard of people having a serious supposing debilitating injury and was told by the doctor that they would never walk again, but they beat the odds with their determination to get their legs back, and they walked out of the hospital with the power of their minds over matter. It is true! They have slain the dragon of pessimism! Pessimism is the cancer that will kill off the good blood cells of optimism. But with the right treatments of mind-altering positive self-affirmations and positive radiation of hope that all will be okay, you can be cured.
126 I heard a true story of a woman who drove her car for a whole year with- out renewing her driver’s license. She innocently had forgotten to renew her license. Once she realized the error, she began to panic in her mind and on her way to the DMV, she was constantly thinking, “I hope I don’t get stopped by the police,” she thought aloud. It wasn’t but a few minutes later; distracted by her fearful thoughts, she ran a stop sign, and a police- man was sitting at the corner and pulled her over just as she was about to enter the DMV parking lot and gave her a ticket. It had been over a year since she renewed her license with no problem until she fearfully thought about getting stopped. She perhaps might have been able to correct her forgetful mistake had she not put out that negative, paranoid energy. Don’t keep expecting the worst, or the worst will find you when you least expect it. You are not a victim of circumstance, but you can become a vic- tim of your own fearful thoughts. When those scary thoughts surface in your conscious mind, immediately dismiss them by simply changing those thoughts. You are always in control, and you are the master of your mind. Think like a winner, and winning things will happen to you. Everything is going to be okay. You are going to be okay! Have fun with your life and try to take things with a grain of salt. Try to see challenges as adventures and dragons to be slain! That’s it! Become a dragon slayer. Be- come a hero of circumstances! A conqueror of nonsense is not a wimpy scary cat! You’ll get stronger after each challenge. Challenges build char- acter, and a strong and resilient character conquers fears. Not everyone is out to get you. You have to fight the enemy of despair and hopelessness, and that enemy is fear. Fight it with a smile! Fight fear with optimism!
127 Inhale Courage! Exhale Fear! Don’t let your negative thoughts be your own worst enemy. Go easy with your way of thinking; don’t let yourself go crazy because nonsense is not going anywhere any time soon. Those who fear malevolent disease usually fall victim to the illness. Control your thoughts and remember, the little voices in your head are yours and yours alone. When you change the way you think about things, the things you think about will change. Every- thing is going to be okay! Say it to yourself every day! Everything is going to be alright… Take a deep breath and inhale courage and exhale fear! Breathe!
128 SUCCESS STORIES OF COURAGE AND OVERCOM- ING Meet Dr. Feranmi Okanlami (Dr. O) STORY OF COUR- AGE AND FEARLESSNESS "Feranmi has always been a child that made us proud," Okanlami's mother Bunmi told "Good Morning America." "It wasn't just that he was good at school, but that he would get the awards for personality -- he was an all- American athlete. “He was getting close to achieving everything that he dreamt that he would be," she continued. "He had gone to medical school, he got into a top orthopedic surgery residency program like he wanted to, and he was living his best life. “However, the Stanford graduate, who was born in Nigeria and raised in Indiana, almost saw his dreams derailed when he suffered a spinal cord injury at a pool party in 2013."His cervical injury was high enough that most people who have that are not expected to ever be able to walk or stand," his mother explained. "They will say, 'Oh, you are quadriplegic, you can't do that.' And he will say, 'Why can't we try?' And so, at every stage throughout his rehab, he continued to push."
129 His son Alex told "GMA" that "being able to have that accident and then be able to get back on his feet and keep doing what he loves --he inspires me by not giving up." Okanlami eventually became a physician and has since continued to change the narrative around living with a disability. He started with physical therapy and getting active, coining the catchphrase "disabusing disability." This is just one story that I thought would be a good motivator for you, but there are hundreds of people who overcame tremendous setbacks and unbelievable hardships. They could have caved in and allowed their minds to go into a state of depression, and they would have been well within their mental right to have lost all hope in life and living.
130 CHAPTER EIGHT THOUGHTS and AFFIRMATIONS What we affirm to ourselves is vital to our mindfulness and change from the subconscious level of the mind. What do I mean by this? The con- scious mind controls the subconscious. Therefore, what we speak aloud consciously affirms the input of the subconscious, and the subconscious involuntarily acts out the thought in real time, whether we want it to or not. So, it is extremely important what we say about ourselves or think about ourselves. This is where positive affirmations become a valuable tool in life, trans- forming change and moving us out of our comfort zones. What are affir- mations and how do they work to change us? Affirmations Affirmations in New Thought and New Age terminology refer primarily to the practice of positive thinking and self-empowerment—fostering a belief that "a positive mental attitude supported by affirmations will achieve success in anything." More specifically, an affirmation is a care- fully formatted statement that should be repeated to oneself and written down frequently. For affirmations to be effective, it is said that they need to be present tense, positive, personal, and specific. I would like to define affirmations as proclamations or declarations and positive judgments about oneself. It is a verbal decree or announcement of what is and shall be. With that said, how does one decree a thing or things that are not but shall be? It really isn’t that difficult to do so. It is the key to manifesting the invisible into the visible with your words. Your consciously spoken words are what influence and motivate the subcon- scious mind into bringing you a new reality.
131 The reality is that we are what we think and say we are, whether good, bad, or indifferent. It is so important to think and say the best about “we” and others in the present tense, as though it already exists. Speak as though it were; it says in the Bible, Romans 4:16-22. Can we speak things into existence? Is there any power in positive confessions? There are some scholars who claim only God can speak things into exist- ence. But most of these so call scholars have never seen God, nor do they have any real proof of his existence. It is all about what you believe in and faith in what is not tangible. To confess positively is to speak words that we believe or want to believe, consequently making them your reality. It is like talking yourself into doing something, like not overeating or drink- ing too much liquor until you're drunk or too fat to get off the couch. God gave you the power to choose, and he also said somewhere in that Bible that whatever he did, you would be able to do also because you are his creation. But you can’t tell a self-proclaimed gospel enthusiast that you have the right to speak things into existence. Frankly, it is none of their business what you say and think for yourself, unless you are planning to harm someone or even yourself. And perhaps everyone who reads the scriptures has their own interpreta- tion of the ancient scrolls, but it does not make them the authority on the processes of the human psyche. I’m just saying, you must think for your- self, about yourself. Haven’t we lived long enough being influenced by what other people think and say we are supposed to think? It can get really confusing to wrap your brain around all the nonsense philosophies of the world from so-called teachers, supervisors/parents, preachers and politi- cians and their opinions of how we are supposed to live, think, and feel. That is why I love being an independent author. I could have hired a book agent, but then I would have had to give up most of my creative rights to think and write what I feel. I am free! We are free! And that, my friends, should be your first affirmation. “You are
132 free!” There is a biblical scripture that says we have the power to speak things into existence, but it is up to you to interpret it as you choose. I personally don’t think it is talking about literally moving physical mountains or calling an- imals into Noah’s Ark, two by two… LOL! I think it is talking about thinking your way out of the negative thoughts that you have been pro- grammed in your subconscious with your words and the suggestions of others. “Call those things which are not as though they were.” (Romans 4:17) Okay, let me explain how to do affirmations and how they work so that you can control your thoughts and experience lasting change. Positive and powerful affirmations are made by affirming what you wish to change or become as though it is already your reality. For example, if you want to be successful and wealthy, then you must repeat aloud or listen in a sleep state to your subconscious mind those statements repeat- edly. How to Listen to Affirmations Usually, it takes 30 to 90 days of continuous listening and reciting for last- ing change to take place. Remember, lasting change takes time, and you may have to revisit the process from time to time. It is best to listen while sleeping or first thing in the morning before getting out of bed, if you have time. Thirty (30) minutes is all you need, but 10 minutes is better than nothing. Affirmations are usually more effective when spoken to you by someone else, and the voice should sound as if it is being spoken in a Cathedral, with a slight echoing sound. But this is not absolutely necessary.
133 Even if you are listening for only 10 to 30 minutes a day, it is better than not listening for a week or two. Try to get into the habit of taking the time or setting some time aside for your transformation. I used to listen to my affirmations while driving to work in the mornings. It really helped me to be in a more positive mood before I got to work, and it framed a better and more productive workday for me. I know it works, but you have to do it on a consistent basis. Here is the beginning of your positive transformation. You will change, but remember, real lasting change takes time. REWRITE YOUR REALITY I want to start with the first suggestions and affirmations for rewriting your reality for high self-esteem and confidence and positive thinking. These affirmations are for men, women, and children. Ready, set, let’s go! I highly suggest that you affirm these suggestions and affirmations to your children from the day they are born and thereafter until they are old enough to start middle school. Trust me, you will not regret making these loving affirmations not only for your children, but for your own well-be- ing and those you love. AFFIRMATIONS: REPEAT DAILY, MORNING & NIGHT for 30 to 90 DAYS! Remember permanent change takes time! It is best if you use EARPHONES/BUDS, and you can find many AFFIRMA- TION VIDEOS on YouTube or Amazon Audible. AFFIRMATION 1. “I LOVE MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY, AND I DESERVE THE BEST.” This is the first affirmation I really need you to practice saying to yourself as often as you can. I believe it is vitally important that you learn to love yourself unconditionally and stop putting yourself down with your
134 words! No matter what you have been through or what mistakes and de- cisions you have made in your past, you are still useful and have a unique purpose in this life if you are still breathing and moving above ground. Everyone has made choices they wish they had not and said things they wish they could take back, but that does not mean that all hope has died. If you are moving about and are reasonably healthy, you can and will change. But, if you keep talking yourself down and thinking like a relent- less pessimist, you are doomed to live like the “walking dead,” a real-life zombie. That is not a situation you want to be in. The good news is you can reinvent yourself with positive affirmations. I’ll say it again, though; permanent change takes time. We spend so much of our lives comparing ourselves to others. We spend way too much time focusing on what “The Johnsons” next door have and how big their houses are compared to ours, fancy cars, fake eyelash wear- ing, fake booties, “Real Housewives’ egos, comparing their fake lives to ours and their so-called awesome careers and wealth. But this is a huge mis- take that only causes us to think less about ourselves and causes us to feel like, “What is wrong with me?” Well, the only thing wrong with you is how you think about you! Nothing is wrong with you. When you change the way you think about things, the things you think about will change. And when you change the way you speak to yourself, you will change. You cannot change your past, but you can control your present moment and future. If you don’t let go of the old you, you cannot receive the new you. The new you must affirm that, “YOU LOVE, RE- SPECT AND ACCEPT YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY AND YOU DESERVE THE BEST, RIGHT NOW!” AFFIRMATION 2. I AM SURROUNDED BY ABUNDANCE Why is this affirmation so important? It is extremely important that you understand that all you need is already within. God created everything and everyone in abundance. This affirmation teaches you to be grateful
135 for your life. If you are grateful, you do not complain, and if you do not complain, you unblock your energy that allows you to receive all things in abundance. If you take a moment to go out and look around at nature, you will notice the abundance of all life and nature. Let’s look at the grass, for example. There are so many blades of grass that it would be impossible for a human being to count. Look at the trees, all the trees… so many trees and the abundance of leaves. Here’s the beauty in it all: though everything is in great abundance, and they are all related, not one blade of grass, leaf, or tree is the same. The feathers of the birds of the air, even though there are many species of those beautiful flying creatures, and some are of the same species, not one feather on any of them is the same. Think about the sands of the oceans and seas, abundance! Think about it! You are surrounded by abundance. Everything is in abundance! What I am trying to get you to understand is that you are not only a unique individual but that you are abundant in gifts and possibilities. Even within your body, you have millions of cells that keep you healthy and alive. You are possible! You are surrounded by an abundance of possibilities and opportunities. It is up to you to know these things for yourself. To help you appreciate and be grateful for what you have and what you can accomplish, just re- peat these affirmations daily. Your subconscious will eventually process what you are affirming to yourself, and it will be set to autopilot. Eventu- ally, you will become grateful and appreciative for your life every day, and seeing things in abundance will be like brushing your teeth or driving your car. In time with practice, you will not need to remind yourself that you are unique and abundant in gifts to give yourself and the world. “YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY ABUNDANCE!” This is the jolting bolt of lightning of your evolution toward permanent change.
136 AFFIRMATION 3: MY IDEAS ARE GOOD ENOUGH! Do you know what you’re worth? This is the first question I must ask you. If you don’t know your worth or talents, then no matter what goals and plans you have for your life, your own thoughts will sabotage your dreams before you can even get out of the starting gate. You must know that you are a winner and you have winning ideas. You can’t afford to listen to the opinions of other people about your ideas. “It’s very hard to have ideas. It’s very hard to put yourself out there, it’s very hard to be vulnerable, but those people who do that are the dreamers, the thinkers, and the creators. They are the magic people of the world.” ~ Amy Poehler In her book, “Yes Please” Even some of your well-meaning friends will not want to see you progress beyond your comfort zones. It will be a threat to them; they are used to you being available to hangout and waste time with them. When you de- cide to become more creative or inventive with your time, you will not have time to waste with people who don’t share in your ideas for a better you. They will do all they can to keep you where they are. As sad as this may sound, it is best you keep your ideas to yourself. When you have light bulb moments, you can feel excited and want to share it with the world, but you are going to have to believe that your ideas are good enough. Can you imagine some of the great inventors of our time sharing their ideas with people about inventing electricity or a machine that can transport people in the air like a bird, from California to New York in less than three hours, when all darkness was lit by candles and traveling by covered wagons that took them months to arrive? Think about the inven- tor of the toothpick. What if he or she had told people that they were thinking about inventing something as small as a tiny twig made of wood, so you could get tiny food particles that are stuck between your teeth, and I’ll call it a toothpick, and it is going to make me rich. His friends would have probably talked him out of it by saying something like, “That’s a stu- pid idea, no one is going to use it…it is a silly idea.”
137 I just used a couple of examples of great ideas that seemed small and ridic- ulous at the time. Charles Foster invented the modern toothpick in 1869. But did you know that he, in fact, stole the idea from farm workers in Brazil who made the first toothpicks? He was just smart enough to patent the invention. Like dental floss, mass-produced toothpicks did not take off right away. Just a little history of a good idea that wasn’t shared until it became a real thing. Now that you know this little tidbit of infor- mation… you can stop using safety pins and paper clips to pick your teeth… LOL! Hahaha, I may have just saved someone from a visit to the dentist. Nowadays, you can’t find a bar, house, or a store without a bundle of toothpicks in it, most likely on the counters and endcaps nearest the checkout. What’s my point? You might have an idea for something that may seem ridiculous or minuscule that might save the world. Never un- derestimate your thoughts for good and convenience. All the great ideas have not been invented yet because perhaps they are still in your mind. “THE dreamers are the saviors of the world. As the visible world is sustained by the invisible, so men, through all their trials and sins and sordid vocations, are nourished by the beautiful visions of their solitary dreams. Humanity cannot forget its dreamers; it cannot let their ideals fade and die; it lives in them; it knows them as the realities which it shall one day see and know. Composer, sculptor, painter, poet, prophet, sage, these are the makers of the afterworld, the architects of heaven. The world is beautiful be- cause they have lived; without them, laboring humanity would perish. He who cherishes a beautiful vision, a lofty idea in his heart, will one day realize it.” ~James Allen – As a Man Thinketh I highly suggest that you don’t share every thought with people unless they share in your idyllic dreams. “YOUR IDEAS ARE GOOD ENOUGH,” repeat it to yourself as often as you can remember them un- til they are set on autopilot in your subconscious mind. Write them down,
138 create a plan and never lose hope in your dreams. Dreams do come true. You are possibilities unimagined. The world needs you to be a creative superhero; no matter the size of the task, every idea gives hope for a brighter future in a world filled with darkness. AFFIRMATION 4: “I AM IN A MUTUALLY LOVING RELATIONSHIP” Why is this affirmation important to affirm to your subconscious even if you are in a relationship right now? It is important because you may not have a healthy and happy relationship with your co-workers, children, family or significant other; you may not feel like you are loved. Remember my chapter on emotions? Feelings have a lot to do with your ability to change the negative influences embedded in your subconscious, and feel- ings are created by your conscious thoughts and words. The only way to manifest what you want in the love department is to first love yourself and then speak aloud to the universe that you already have it in reality. Remember, we have always learned by repetition, even when we were children learning our ABCs. The same thing applies when manifest- ing your dreams and desires. When it comes to being in a mutually loving relationship, a few realistic rules apply. If you are in a situation that is toxic and causes you stress and harm, you must determine that you deserve better and devise a plan to get out of that situation. If someone says they love you and they are causing you great discomfort and pain, honey child, that is not love. Love does not hurt you. Now here is the affirmation that will help you get rid of all toxic people out of your life. You must say to yourself that you “Refuse to allow an- ything unloving and negative into your life.” Say it every day until it gets stuck in your gut and deep in your soul. Refuse to be treated like less than you deserve, and you deserve the best always. Don’t let anyone
139 tell you different. Loving yourself is not egotistical; it is humanly practical. Be true to you and respect yourself enough to only allow the best possibil- ities, opportunities, and kindhearted people to flow into your life like a peaceful and tranquil stream; it will refresh your spirit. It will give you clarity; it will give you peace. AFFIRMATION 4: “I AM HAPPY AND AT PEACE WHEN I AM BY MYSELF.” BECAUSE YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! Remember the song lyrics from Whitney Houston, “I got myself to re- mind me of how it used to be. I decided long ago never to follow in any- body’s shadow; if I don’t succeed, they can’t take away my dignity, be- cause the greatest love of all is inside of me.” RIP Whitney! When you decide in your mind that you are in a mutually loving relation- ship, even when you feel all alone, it will happen. You have to be patient with manifesting. You can’t rush what is solid and real in life. When you try to force things into your life, they usually don’t last. Life is not a magic wand or a Genie in a bottle, but magic can happen when you least expect it. But you really do have to make the magic happen. You can’t afford to sit around whining and pining over love lost or missed opportunities that you were too lazy to pursue. As far as love goes, you have to love first in order to receive love. If you ever loved and it didn’t come back to you in return, that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. You may have tossed your pearls to the swine, and pigs don’t know how to give you anything back but pork. When you continue to genuinely give love, it eventually flows back to you with the same energy you put into it, like a never-ending waterfall, fresh with every drop. But love is patient and kind. And love never puts you down or hurts you. If someone says they love you and they are physically or mentally causing you pain, that person is not in
140 love with you. Be strong and courageous enough to leave; and don’t look back! One day, when you are so busy loving yourself, creating new hori- zons of ideas, a new career, doing a podcast or something you dreamed you would never be doing, up will pop your soulmate out of nowhere, while you were busy loving yourself and grateful for your life, miracles be- gan to happen. Say to yourself, “My mind is at ease, my body is at rest, and my soul is at peace.” There must come a time when you say to the world, PEACE BE STILL! Shake off all the nonsense, brush it off your shoulder like a piece of lint and say it aloud, “peace be still!” I am worthy of love, peace, and true happiness! Then, smile! Remember, you are always in a mutually loving relationship when you are loving yourself. And when you are loving yourself, it spills out all over your countenance with the brightness of the morning sunrise and bursts through your smile like a tsunami of uncontrollable joy, and that stuff is highly contagious! AFFIRMATION 5: “I REFUSE TO ALLOW ANYTHING NEG- ATIVE AND UNLOVING INTO MY LIFE.” Say it over and over again, every day and every night until your mind is set on autopilot! Say it out loud, “I refuse to allow anything negative and unloving into my life.” Choose your- self! Choosing yourself brings clarity of mind. Clarity cultivates peace of mind, and peace of mind destroys stress. “You are always in a mutually loving relationship when you are loving yourself completely. Be kind to yourself, treat and pamper yourself, speak peaceful and loving words to yourself.”
141 AFFIRMATION 6: I AM HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT! Okay, this is the one affirmation that I want you to really, really under- stand that you are in complete control over. I know that life can feel like it is against you sometimes, maybe all the time, but you can overcome this feeling by using the power of affirmations to change the way you feel. I know it sounds like a fanciful and silly thought, but it is not. Happiness truly is a choice. What really puzzles me is why we would rather feel the emotion of hurt and sadness rather than happiness. I know you are probably saying, “Not me!” I would much rather be happier than I am now, but you are con- stantly walking around with a frown on your face. The truth be told, it is easier to be sad, and most of us are more comfortable in that state of being. It sounds crazy, but it is the truth. When you see a person in the grocery store or driving in their car with a happy grin on their face, and they are alone, we want to label them as the crazy ones. We instantly want to judge them as loony. We say to ourselves or perhaps the fake friends we’re hanging out with, “Look at them smil- ing; they look so stupid.” Why do we do that? I’ll tell you why. Perhaps we are the stupid ones. Walking around with our pompous, high-minded attitudes, like we got the world on a string, but can’t seem to smile about it. Complaining about everything; no wonder you are not happy. When you don’t love yourself, it makes it easy for you to envy others. It might even make you feel better to talk about people who do find joy in a beau- tiful sunset or who show gratitude just to be alive. This self-hate attitude toward yourself and others makes you small. It is none of your business why other people are happy, in the first place. Perhaps it would help to find out why some people seem to find joy in the simple things in life. If you can’t beat them, join them…try smiling for no reason at all. But living in this world the way it is, and you don’t have a disease or living on the streets eating out of the garbage, should be reason enough for you to practice gratitude. Take a moment and smile for no reason. Do it right now and
142 see if you don’t feel better instantly. It’s as simple as a thought. You are in control. Smile now! Your subconscious thrives on what’s comfortable, and any hurt and pain you may have experienced in your past or even in the present is easier for your mind to process. I know of people who have had great wealth and riches and even fame, and they committed suicide. Anthony Bourdain is one who seemed to have it all. He went all over the world tasting foods and traveling to some of the most beautiful places in this world! I wish I could travel Downtown Atlanta to eat at Gladys Knight’s famous Chicken and Waffles, and I live in the city, LOL. It’s not funny, but I’m just saying, “What was he thinking? American former glamor girl and model and 1992 Playboy Playmate, Stephanie Adams, jumped from the 25th floor window with her seven- year-old son. I guess being one of the most beautiful women in the world wasn’t enough for her. And having a loving little boy to live for, when people who want to have a child can’t, was not enough to live for? They say that beauty is only skin deep, but the mind is a terrible thing to waste. If she only took some time to think, “What am I thinking?” Perhaps she wouldn’t have taken her son with her to such a horrible death, or better yet got some help if she had thought that one six-second thought! Then there is the actor/comedian Robin Williams for another example of tragic, unhappy endings. I thought he was one of the funniest men on the planet and watched pretty much any movie he ever starred in. When I heard that he killed himself, I was shocked out of my socks! He was rich too! He had the world on a string, so it appeared, and he committed sui- cide? How can someone so hilarious be so sad and unhappy with living on the inside? I will tell you why. It is a lack of mind control and self-manage- ment of your subconscious mind, which follows the dictates of your con- scious thoughts and words. Even having money and beauty can’t buy you happiness! Happiness is a choice, and only you have that choice. No one
143 and no circumstance can make you feel terrible. You’re always in control. Even if you think you have mental issues or something isn’t quite right with what you’re thinking or feeling, you can do something about it. You can get help for your mind. You don’t have to tell anyone how you are feeling, but I suggest you do. If you don’t decide to get help, then you are being very self-centered and selfish. The reason I say this is because no matter who you are in this life, there is someone who loves you and would miss you if you were gone. Even if it is just one person who thinks you are worth living, that is enough to live for. And that person needs to be you! Learning to love yourself is to learn to be grateful for all that you have or the lack of. Appreciation for the small things, big things and everything in between is the key to lasting joy. Remember, you are always the master of your thoughts and when you fail to ask yourself questions like, “What was I thinking or what in the world am I thinking, you will fall for whatever idiotic decisions and idle thoughts that come into your head. Like the saying goes, “The idle mind is the devil’s playground.” LIFE HAPPENS Stuff can get in your head without your permission at any time; it’s all around us and even within our homes, but you can’t allow it to take con- trol of your good sense. You can’t allow it to steal your joy and rob you of lasting happiness. Life happens to the best of us, especially when you are on your way to the top. It can cause many sleepless nights. Doesn’t it seem like when everything seems to be going perfect in your life, something crazy happens? It is not what happens, or when it happens; it is how you handle it when it does. This is when you need to use your good sense and
144 intelligence to sort things out in your mind and figure out the best course to take. Wisdom is patience in the storm, and the storms come to make you wiser. You are the master of your mind… You are always in control, even when you feel out of control. You can only keep up appearances and pretenses and mental shams for just so long, and factoids are fleeting at best. I’ve heard it said, “Fake it until you make it.” But you can’t fake it or trick your mind, or can you? Yes, you can! Wait before you speak; think first. I am speaking in ambiguities; there is some truth to that saying. Using positive affirmations can alter your think- ing if you apply the right techniques that I mention in this book. Just re- member that whatever your conscious mind says aloud or internally about you, please trust that your subconscious mind hears, and it obeys. So, with that said, to thyself be true; even if you don’t like what or who you are at the moment, you can and will change those perceptions. Be happy about small accomplishments. If you can’t do great things right now, do the small things with greatness! IF YOU CAN’T DO GREAT THINGS RIGHT NOW, DO THE SMALL THINGS WITH GREATNESS! Learn to toot your own horn even if you can’t blow a melodic tone or read a musical note. Toot your horn and blow it loud and make it clear that you are somebody and you are worth loving yourself and being loved. Don’t wait for others to acknowledge your worth or give you praise; love yourself and be your own greatest fan club. You must do it and do it now! Take time to I have lived long enough to know this for a fact. Anyone who wants to change can and will change once they decide to do so. You can run, but you sure can’t hide from your self-imposed regrets, fears, and frets. You
145 must accept your past and be determined to become at peace with it. Your past is your past, and the NOW is all there is. Even focusing too much on the future can be frustrating and exhausting. It can cause you to undo stress and unnecessary anxiety. Determine to be happy no matter what. I know this is a hard one, but you must do it with the fierce urgency of now. Losing your mind over nonsense is not an option. Devise a plan for happiness according to your ideals of happiness as it applies to your imaginings. Go ahead and dream big dreams and aspire toward lofty goals, but don’t get caught up in the stresses of pressure to fulfill those dreams. Enjoy the journey, stop to smell the roses at times, and acknowledge the speed bumps along the way as time to take a break and just chill for a minute. Just don’t give up when times get a little rough, and it will. This time of experiencing the rough roads in life is just there to help you get stronger and toughing you up for what is to come. Nothing worthwhile achieving is ever going to be easy. If it was so easy to be a millionaire, everyone would be one. If peace of mind was a piece of cake, then there would be no need for a Psychiatrist or Mental Therapist. And of course, there would be no need for self-help books like this one. Keep your mind focused on what is important to you and take time to breathe and love yourself by focusing on good, healthy eating, exercise, hard work on what you are passionate about and family connections. The key is to be happy no matter what and learn to laugh at yourself at times, but never ever criticize yourself for any mishaps or mistakes along the way. How many times you fail at something doesn’t matter; it is just part of the journey towards success. If you never fail or have struggles, you can’t truly appreciate the good times when they come, and they will come. Keep your eyes on the prize that you have set before you. Know in your heart that
146 you were born to win. You were born to experience joy, happiness, pros- perity, and peace, not the opposite! Become your own best friend. Get over yourself and self-pity now. Those pity parties can get very lonely. During the COVID-19 PANDEMIC, the whole world was in a massive pity party; over 700,000 people suffered and died! No one wants to be in- vited to those pity parties anymore, so snap out of it and get busy loving yourself. Get busy creating something that will enhance the lives of others and yourself. Whatever it takes to love yourself, do it. If you have always wanted to lose weight, do it! There are so many programs out now that can help you shed unwanted pounds and get into shape. So, if you never finished school and want to put your mind at ease, go back and finish… it doesn’t matter what age you are. If you are still healthy and have a reasonable amount of energy, the sky is still the limit. No, I take that back; shoot for the moon and beyond. If you’ve always wanted to paint, then do it; paint; do something. Make a move on the unknown possibilities. Try different adventures and ask God, the Universe; whatever you call your high power – just ask for your purpose and gift to be activated… do it now. Put this book down and pray for clarity of purpose. Write your story; you never know it could turn into a blockbuster movie. The beauty of scripting your own story is you can create new characters and you, my friend, will always be the star and leading actor. Whatever it takes, you must do something to make yourself truly happy and free of drama and negative thoughts. More tips are: take bubble baths, get massages, smile more, go to the movie theater alone and buy popcorn and loaded up with that greasy stuff they call butter, rub your own feet when they hurt, watch standup com- edy often, whatever it takes, get over yourself before you wreck yourself! And finally, tell someone you have been admiring from a distance that you are interested in them, and perhaps you can get bold enough to ask them out on a date. Life is so short, and time is fleeting and waits for no
147 one. Come on, smile, clap your hands and get happy if for no other reason than you are safe, healthy, and alive and VIRUS FREE! Okay, I need to end this chapter on happiness; it is a choice. Now we get it, right? I certainly hope so. Remember these affirmations if you do not re- member any other. If you are not happy, choose it now. It is as simple as that. Create your own affirmations that apply to your situations. Go to YouTube videos and find affirmations for change. We all have had things happen to us that make it feel like happiness is an impossibility, but it is not. Do not go to your grave with your music still in you. Live as though life handed you a magic wand when you were born, because it did; it is called freedom to choose. It is up to you, and no one, not a single soul, can make you feel any way you do not choose to feel. You are the master of your thoughts, always. Smile in the face of fear and anxiety and fight for your joy with the power of your mind and all your whole soul! Slay sadness with the sword of courage and knife of resilience. Cut out the nonsense thoughts and waste precious time with so-called friends who do not have your back. You have unlimited possibilities of greatness and joy. Nonsense takes flight in the face of optimism and a resilient smile. Take a deep breath and say to yourself, this too shall pass! Trouble does not last always; I am living proof of that. Love yourself completely and be your own best friend. Say it: “I am best friends with myself.” Watch how fast things will change for you. Say aloud, “I deserve better,” and better will come. Do not be influ- enced by what you see but by what you believe in your heart to be true to you. You are not a grasshopper; you are a giant! Think happy thoughts, dream lofty dreams and most importantly, love who you are becoming and who you are now. “Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morn- ing.” ~Psalm 30:5
148 It will be worth the fight for your sanity. Ask yourself this question, “What would I give up for having the happiness I so desire?” What is hap- piness worth to you? What sacrifices are you willing to make? The choice is always yours, not your present outside circumstances. You must find a way out of despondency and pain. There is always a way out of stuff. I know this for sure. I learned that most of my suffering came from ATTACH- MENT. Attaching yourself to people, outcomes, and unrealistic goals is the beginning of suffering. When you attach yourself to others, you set yourself up for dependence on their opinions and validation of your worth and decisions. DETACHMENT Detachment is not being cold-hearted; it is the process of taking your power back. It is the process of seeing your self-worth as a gift to the world. No one knows you better than you. Esteem yourself; it’s no one else’s job but yours; not your spouse, not your family or friends. The word itself defines the meaning in plain English: “Self-esteem.” Esteem yourself. Your worth is what you decide it is, and never let anyone try to define what you are or what you are becoming. That is why it is a good idea not to tell everyone about your goals, ideas, or even miracles that happen to you.
149 Keep your plans between you and your God for now. If you must blab your secret desires to a best friend, please make sure they are someone you would trust to hold your million-dollar lottery ticket for you while you go on a vacation for two weeks. LOL. In other words, keep your mouth shut until you have accomplished your goals. Everyone, even those who say they love you, don’t truly want to see you move on to another level. They don’t mean to feel that way because they really do care about you, but to see you move on, to them, might mean you no longer have time to kill with them. Truth is, you don’t have time for distractions when you are on purpose and on a mission. When I wrote this book three years ago, I told no one about it. I had al- ready authored and published a book six years ago during COVID-19. I spent three years grieving the loss of family, and my creative spirit died with them. I am happy I didn’t tell anyone about this book until I was ready to tweak it and get it published. What I am trying to convey to you is, SILENCE can be your superpower. In general, silence is your super- power. Stay lucid, stay focused on your dreams quietly. Joy always comes from within. I know it is hard; I’ve been in the rough places of life, but with sheer determination and resilience, I made it through the storms when it seemed the rains of tears would never stop falling. I was homeless, survived an incurable disease before I was seven years old, two breast surgeries, back surgery; I was a victim of systematic, vicious, brutal, and painful domestic violence as a young pregnant and married teenager, divorced by the time I was 18 years old, but I survived. I found a way out. And I got stronger with each challenge. You too will sur- vive because you now know that you oversee your life through the power of your mind. You are a warrior for inner peace and happiness, and no matter what it takes, you can master the course of your life. It all starts with learning to love yourself and refusing to have pity parties. People will let you down, even family members, but don’t you let yourself down by staying in messed-up situations no longer than it takes to get out and get out now! You can do it; you have to do it… Know your worth and
150 do not compromise on your values. You don’t have to prove your worth or justify your decision to people who have already decided who you are to them. Forgive them gracefully and let go quietly of what no longer serves you and that drains your energy. Never place your peace in someone else’s hands. This is courage and frees your mind from unnecessary stress and anger. Detachment is compassion for yourself.
151 CHAPTER NINE THOUGHTS AND ACCOMPLISHMENT He who would accomplish little must sacrifice little; he who would achieve much must sacrifice much. ~ James Allen Man can only achieve that which he rightfully earns, whether it be by the sweat of his brow or by the brilliance of his thoughts. Either way, your accomplishments are a direct reward of much effort, endeavor and energy applied to challenging work toward the subject of your desire. This state- ment is true for all areas of life in the pursuit of wishes as well as needs and dreams to come true. Even if you are born with a so-called silver spoon in your mouth, you can’t experience the true lasting substance of joy unless you earn it. Man is willing to aspire to greatness but unwilling to work hard for the achievement of great aspirations. There are accomplishments that can bring you great satisfaction mentally, and there are accomplishments that will bring you great peace and a sound mind where wealth pales in the sunset of soulful satisfactions of peace of mind. When you aspire to achieve those things that can help a worthy cause, this is an achievement that wins Nobel Peace Prizes. Not everyone is born for this style of achievement to be seen of men and receive great accolades from the world, but everyone is born to be something or create something beautiful, no matter how small that accomplishment. All achievement was once a seedling of an idea, which cultivated in the mind and became a beautiful garden, flourished by the sunshine of hope and the grit of hard work and sleepless nights. Nothing worth hav- ing or achieving is going to be easy. One man looks at another who has
152 achieved great things and says, “How lucky that man must be.” What he does not see is all the sleepless nights and relentless hard work and failures this man has gone through to get there. Another looks at a rich man who seems to have great wealth, yet his health is failing him and wishes he had his money, but what he doesn’t see is that the rich man would give all his wealth to have his health back and wishes he had focused more on his physical well-being than his financial wellness. To accomplish great things requires that you first achieve a healthy mindset, and a healthy mindset will also help you realize a healthy body. The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities. ~James Allen It is a good thing to keep your eyes on your own paper and listen to those who have already accomplished those things that you aspire to achieve. What I mean by keeping your eyes on your own paper is, don’t try to be a copycat or mimic another. Be your own authentic self. There is something that you can accomplish and create that is uniquely designed for you to do. Use your mindfulness, affirmations and solitude to conjure up creative ideas. You may have to go back to school or learn a new trade; it is never too late to learn new things. Be willing to sacrifice and give up some things like watching too much TV or hanging out with people who have nothing better to do but waste time drinking and partying. Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness. ~Napoleon Hill
153 When using your thoughts for accomplishments, you may have to train your brain to reinvent your subconscious mind. This is done by using pos- itive affirmations. This process will take time and consistent effort. First, find or think about what it is you want to do with your life. Second, write those wants down on paper. They still make notepads, right? Buy yourself a few notepads and write a title on each of them for the desires you have always had or what at least five people over your lifetime have told you that you are good at something. If at least five people who don’t know each other have told you the same thing about a particular talent that they thought you were good at doing, then that is probably your gift. I am always being told by people that I am funny and crazy, but I am not a comedian and don’t have a passion to be one. I am a writer and a poet. It comes easy for me because I love it and am passionate about it, and when I sit down to write, something comes over me, and I get lost in writing. But for years I didn’t take my gift seriously because I tried to mimic other au- thors instead of speaking in my own voice. That is why, in order to achieve your accomplished desires, you must be authentic and real to who you are. There are accomplishments that can bring you great satisfaction men- tally, and there are accomplishments that will bring you great peace and a sound mind where wealth pales in the sunset of soulful satisfactions of peace of mind. What are you passionate about? What is it that takes your soul away into a perfect place of creative thoughts? It could be that you make the best oatmeal cookies, you love painting even though you are not very good at it, but you feel so good when that paintbrush graces your hands and touches the canvas; it feels amazing, and with each stroke of the brush you feel like a Picasso. Whatever it is you love doing, you can prosper by doing that thing. If you are analytical and love figuring things out, you should think about inventing something. All great inventions have not been cre- ated yet because you have not invented your great idea.
154 You may have to lose a lot of sleep or forget that long-awaited vacation, or even put off having children to accomplish what you desire, but believe me, the sacrifice will be worth the reward of satisfaction and victory. The world is waiting for your genius thoughts. Do not focus on being perfect; focus on creation, and the perfect thing will happen. Even if there are flaws, the flaws are there to help you get it right, and you will get it right sooner or later. Just stick to the task at hand, take it one day at a time and remember that all hard work will bring a profit. Perfection is the obstacle of creation and the enemy of achievement. - Donald Walsh Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort. - Franklin D. Roosevelt We can read all the quotes written by all the so-called famous or world-re- nowned motivators on earth, but until you learn that you are ultimately the master of your own thoughts, none of those quotes will matter or pro- duce real lasting change. Happiness is a choice. I know that sounds like nonsense, considering all the stuff we are faced with in the world today. We are all faced with many hardships and trials and sadness as never seen before. Some of us are experiencing stuff that we can hardly cope with: high prices at the gas pumps, inflation on top of already trying to recover from a post-global pandemic. OMG, and still the mass murders and the killing of more inno- cent little children. It is hard to muster up a smile, less than just finding a grain of joy in these perilous times. I get it. I really do, but we must find a way to control our minds so we don’t completely lose it. It is possible to be happy. But it is going to be a challenge for sure because
155 we live in real challenging times. I highly recommend using brainwave en- trainment frequencies and Binaural beats music with headphones as often as possible. Do it at least every day for 28 days. You can find these helpful brain-transforming and mind-soothing videos on YouTube. I have a list of them in my first book, Train Your Brain, Be Ye Transformed by The Renewing of Your Mind. There are accomplishments that can bring you great sat- isfaction mentally, and there are accomplishments that will bring you great peace and a sound mind where wealth pales in the sunset of soulful satisfactions of peace of mind BE YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS ALREADY TAKEN. YOU ARE UNIQUELY SPECIAL.
156 Life is truly what you make it, so why not make it the best life possible? No one can put labels on you or tell you how you should be doing it. When you do you, go ahead and DO THE THING AND DO IT WELL!
157 CHAPTER TEN THOUGHTS AND HEALTH Having a healthy body and mindset is the best way to live a long and happy life. However, for many people, the road to good health and overall well- ness is a difficult one. I should know. I have struggled with my weight since I was a teenager. The battle never really ends, but it can be managed with some serious mental exercise. There can be a lot of temptations scattered along the way, making it diffi- cult and breaking their willpower to stay on track with their health goals. They might have the desire to begin a new healthy habit, but they are un- sure of how to start it the right way. Below is a quote from one of my fa- vorite authors on your thoughts and health. Please pay close attention and re-read these quotes as often as possible. “If you would protect your body, guard your mind. If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. Thoughts of malice, envy, disappointment, despondency, rob the body of its health and grace.” ~James Allen “Here is a rich man who is the victim of a painful and persistent disease as the result of gluttony. He is willing to give large sums of money to get rid of it, but he will not sacrifice his gluttonous desires. He wants to gratify his taste for rich and unnatural viands and have his health as well. Such a man is totally unfitting to have health, because he has not yet learned the first principles of a healthy life.” “Here is an employer of labor who adopts crooked measures to avoid paying the regulation wage, and, in the hope of making larger
158 profits, reduces the wages of his workpeople. Such a man is alto- gether unfitted for prosperity, and when he finds himself bank- rupt, both as regards reputation and riches, he blames circum- stances, not knowing that he is the sole author of his condition.” “I have introduced these three cases merely as illustrative of the truth that man is the cause (though nearly always unconsciously) of his circumstances, and that, whilst aiming at a good end, he is contin- ually frustrating its accomplishment by encouraging thoughts and desires which cannot possibly harmonize with that end. Such cases could be multiplied and varied almost indefinitely, but this is not necessary, as the reader can, if he so resolves, trace the action of the laws of thought in his own mind and life, and until this is done, mere external facts cannot serve as a ground of reasoning.” ~James Allen Okay, let me make this chapter perfectly clear and comprehensive about your thoughts related to health and your life. Without a healthy mindset and true self-love for your body, there is no true success. Your health is your true wealth, and without good health, all the money in the world won’t help you enjoy your life or your family and friends. Why are we getting sicker and sicker and filling up the doctor’s offices and hospitals to capacity? The answer is a simple one. We are letting our minds wander aimlessly when it comes to food. We are normalizing chubbiness, obesity and the diseases that are related to this problem, when there is nothing normal about it at all. Here below are a few quotes that might help you get what’s really going on and maybe help you. “To avoid sickness, eat less; to prolong life, worry less” – Chu Hui Weng The concept of total wellness recognizes that our every thought, word, and behavior affect our greater health and well-being... Me
159 “Your body hears everything your mind says.” – Naomi Judd “Health is a relationship between you and your body.” – Terri Guillemets Health is not a state of the body; it is a state of mind. Wellness is a state of well-being. Today people are getting fatter and sicker than ever before. Americans are more obese, chubbier and sicker than ever before in our his- tory. Check out the chart below so that you can see the trend of obesity and overweight men and women; sadly, children are left off these statis- tics. It is simply alarming and should serve as a warning for you and the people you say you care about. But let’s just focus on ourselves for now. In the figure below, I want to educate you on the trends of obesity and over- weight problems as man continues to evolve in the world. This is an alarming trend to say the least. What are we thinking? We are intention- ally committing suicide with every carb and processed food and just put- ting pure junk in our bodies. As a nurse and professional caregiver, I could be a selfish jerk and say I’m lucky because I have job security, because people don’t care about their bodies. But I am not a jerk; I won’t say that because it breaks my heart to see so much unnecessary illness. I have seen little children barely able to get off a school bus because they are so fat! It upsets me so much that when I have just decided not to cuss anymore, a half hour ago after getting out of Atlanta evening workday traffic and seeing these little Humpty Dumpties struggling to walk across the crosswalk, I want to scream… what are the parents thinking? Children are getting diseases that only grown people would get now. I can’t blame the children because they don’t have any control over what their parents buy and feed them.
160 I had absolutely no control over what my mom fed us as kids. I do remem- ber that growing up in a family household of eleven people, nine children and two adults, they fed us good wholesome foods before there was a health craze going on, and I don’t believe we even had that messed up food pyramid either, and Richard Simmons had not arrived on the exercise scene yet. I remember Kool-Aid being five cents a pack and momma putting at least two cups of refined sugar in each pitcher. But they didn’t know any better at the time, and also, I don’t remember any fat kids in our school or neigh- borhood. We played outside all day and had recess, which was mandatory with uniforms for gym class in schools as well. We played outdoors until the streetlight came on, even though we were warned by our parents not to. “Let the streetlights find you outside after dark, and I’m going to get that butt,” they would tell us. Nowadays, children are stuck to their video games and Smartphones and Social Media Apps. They sit and eat any and everything, from pizza to supersized burgers and fries! No one cares either until they end up in the hospital or the doctor’s office. And there are new illnesses creeping up on people all the time. People are dying younger than ever before. As I was tweaking this book, there is an RSV outbreak, and the hospitals are over- whelmed with babies and kids. It is so crazy… I mean, it is really crazy be- cause the parents didn’t want to get their children vaccinated. What buf- foons they are. I remember getting all kinds of vaccines before we could go to school and having to get my own daughters all types of shots when they were just 6 months old, and before starting kindergarten. What in the world is going on nowadays? In my family, sad to say, when I get a phone call, it is more than likely about one of my family members in the hospital or having died because of some unnecessary health issue. My latest bad news was about one of my younger brothers having a heart attack, and when I say young, he left be- hind an eleven-year-old son. He was in the hospital as I wrote this book in
161 critical condition and on life support. Sadly, he passed away before I com- pleted this book. The last time I saw my baby brother was in a picture on Facebook; he was standing with his cute little boy, and I didn’t even recognize him. I never saw my baby brother look so large. He was clinically obese; no one cared. It made me cry, and the feeling of not being able to help my family is over- whelming, even to this day. And, sadly, as I am finishing this book, I’m in grief and mourning my oldest sister as well. What was her demise, you may ask? She smoked. I am still hurt, and the pain runs deep. Hopefully, I can save a life with this book and my down-to-earth podcast. I’m losing my family members to health problems related to overindul- gence in improper food choices. It really doesn’t have to be this way. But it seems like nobody cares about being fat anymore, and we have become a supersized, overweight nation of gluttons. As a certified holistic nutritionist, I have learned how ridiculous that so- called government food pyramid is and was. It is a hot mess and totally upside down when it comes to sound nutritional advice. I know you are probably saying at this point, “I have tried to control my health, and it is just so hard.” It is hard, and it never gets easy. I know this for sure; I have been there before myself at 235 pounds at one time over 30 years ago, and I still struggle with the choices I make for my body because of an addic- tion to sweets. But I have learned how to control my thoughts to help me to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Honestly, it is all about controlling your thoughts immediately when an addictive thought arises. It is hard to conquer a healthy lifestyle, but with a little mental therapy and mind control on a consistent basis, it can be done. But can health be conquered in an unhealthy society? Perhaps, but you must get control over your thoughts. Remember, the body is a slave to the mind. It is a life- or-death decision. Once I understood that I was master of my thoughts,
162 the struggle became easier. It will get better for you too once you under- stand and learn how to master your thoughts so that you can manage eve- rything in your life, especially control of your body. The quote below re- ally became my mantra every day; it helped me become the master of my mind. And in this case, redundancy is absolutely necessary. “The body is the servant of the mind. It obeys the operations of the mind, whether they be deliberately chosen or automatically ex- pressed.” ~James Allen I added the chart below to show the obesity trends in America. Personally, it sickens me when I go into a restaurant or buffet and see young women, obviously severely obese, with booty shorts on. It makes my mouth fly wide open and causes me to wonder in my mind what in the world is go- ing on. It does not look attractive at all, but it is becoming publicly ac- ceptable as time goes on. Please pay close attention to the chart below. If you know of someone who fits any of the categories below, and you love them… in love, tell them they need to get help. Fat kills; it killed my mom. She was a great cook and a very strong lady and good mom, but she could never get control over her appetite, and it killed her by the time she was seventy years old. We were laying her to rest because of a massive heart at- tack, diabetes, high blood pressure and a host of other obesity related dis- eases. Figure 1. Age-adjusted trends in overweight, obesity, and severe obesity among men and women aged 20–74: United States, 1960–1962 through 2017–2018
163 I know that reading this chart is not going to change the way you feel about your health right now, and perhaps you are already doing right by your body, but I hope you know that to achieve greatness in life you have to at some point get control over your wholeness, which includes mind, body, spirit, to reverse bad habits. Whatever it takes, you must do it and do it now. Did you know that sugar and processed food can cause severe cognitive problems and, worse of all, CANCER? If you want to master your mind, stop poisoning it by putting junk food in your body; if you want to master your body, feed it wholesome and natural foods as much as possible. If you eat junk, you are junk, and this is the truth, like it or not. Your fat is literally killing you slowly… God in his awesome mercy just doesn’t allow us to die suddenly when we eat that pizza or candy; he gives the body warnings that something is not right. The warnings are diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease and many more unfortunate self-afflicted ill- nesses. Hopefully you don’t have any of these illnesses, but we all know someone who does. If you are uncomfortable telling them about their health, give them a copy of this book and/or other books and programs that can help them. Do this in the name of love. Sometimes, tough love is the best love you can give. Just make sure that you are walking the walk and not just talking the talk. Be an example of what good health can do. Learn to live the life you preach about. Because whether you want to hear this or not… talk is truly cheap. This reminds me of a self-help book enti- tled, “Never Buy a Shirt from a Naked Man.”
164 Everything we put in our bodies affects our minds, not just the physical. A perfect example is an alcoholic. When he is sober, his character is stable, and his behavior is respectable and sometimes reasonable, but when he overdrinks beverages loaded with dangerous and sometimes lethal alco- hol, everything about him changes. He becomes belligerent and unable to even speak or think clearly. He says things that he can’t remember saying the next day, and most of the time he is out of control and thinks irration- ally. He is blinded by the addiction, and his thinking is marred by illusions of being in control. He thinks he is okay to drive large machinery without getting into an accident or worst, killing someone as well as himself. This man has poisoned his mind with substances that will never allow him to elevate to a more productive level until he admits he has a problem and seeks help. I use this one example to help you understand that anything you overindulge in that is unhealthy not only affects your weight, but your mental capacity to think clearly and grow. Our bodies and minds are fragile and can be easily broken if we don’t real- ize that we are the masters of our thoughts and always have been. You must gain control of your bad habits before they gain control over your whole life and your family. Oh, and about our children, their mental and physi- cal health really matters as well. When you send your kids off to school to learn and fill their little bodies up with Captain Crunch Sugary cereals, the sugar becomes the literal captain of the day. If you ever wondered why your children are not learning or retaining information at school, just check out what you are feeding them, and the school cafeterias are not any better at good nutrition for them either. But at least they are trying to im- prove their menus after Michelle Obama came on the scene. When Michelle Obama was First Lady, at least she tried to make a healthy difference in our children’s health. Good health and thinking retention ability go hand in hand. If they see you indulging in bad behaviors, chances are they will follow and mimic what they see. Most children of alcoholic parents usually become alcoholics themselves. If they see you eating ice cream and pizzas, they too will pick up those unhealthy habits
165 as well, not in all cases. There must come a time when you start to love yourself enough to get your health in order. “I DID ITS CAN YOU!” If you need a little extra encouragement to get your health in order, I sug- gest you watch this cable show entitled MY 600 POUND LIFE. I remem- ber the first time I watched this program; it blew my mind! I couldn’t be- lieve what I was seeing. It was so crazy what people did to their bodies to get to where they couldn’t get out of bed for years and years because they were so fat. They just lay there and ate everything that was completely really bad stuff. I can’t even bring myself to call what they ate food. They
166 couldn’t get up to use the toilet! They couldn’t even sit up on the side of the bed! The fat covered their feet like an over- inflated balloon. It was extremely ugly to see. But mostly it is sadly and horrifically unhealthy to the point of no return in most cases. As a caregiver, I have had to decline services to clients because they were just too overweight for me to even give them a bath. The most horrific and saddest part of the show was the enablers who con- tinued to buy and cook the food that was keeping these people morbidly obese and sick. Your children do not have jobs and cannot drive cars to get to McDonald’s or Pizza Hut. You are the parent, and you are responsible for your children’s health, and you’re killing them with so-called kindness. Real love knows the power of the word NO! We have become accustomed to eating junk from the time we could hold a spoon on our own. Birthday parties, Halloween tricks and treats are all celebrated with sugary delights that not only destroy our organs but also our brains. By the time we are teenagers, our bodies are so bogged down with sugar, and so we see acne as normal for our teens, but there’s nothing normal about skin breakouts. It is our livers that cannot process all the junk we have eaten for so many years. The body is a wonderful and delicate machine, and instead of dying immediately, our bodies react to junk by giving us warnings in the form of diseases and really bad skin, which is the largest organ in the human body! I am not in any way suggesting that you can’t have a treat sometimes, nor am I saying deny your screaming toddler a lollipop or a cookie sometimes, but the key word here is sometimes. And if you don’t start them off with that junk, they will not desire it. I have really met people who do not like sweets. It blows my mind to hear them say that, but when I look at their bodies, I hang my head in shame. Their skin looks so radiant, and their eyes are bright and clear. I know how hard it is to get and stay on a healthy course of life. I have had
167 many victories over my body, and I have had a lot more failures. The key to success is to not give up, and when you fall and get up and try, try again. Failures are just speed bumps along the journey to a fantastic destiny, which is to get to the other side of death itself before your time to go or leave this earth. Enjoy life as an adventure. Relish your challenges and see them as a tool to make you stronger for the next challenge. Like when you first start out at the gym to get stronger and healthier. You are not going to be able to walk the treadmill for 45 minutes at first, or lift 20 pounds right off the bat, but with consistency and determination, you will gain stamina and strength you never thought you had. Do not dwell upon the sins and mistakes of yesterday so exclu- sively as to have no energy and mind left for living rightly today, and do not think that the sins of yesterday can prevent you from living purely today. All I have to say to end this chapter on your thoughts and health is, it is going to take time to change. It is not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. As a Nurse Tech and a Certified Holistic Nutritionist, I have seen so many people in the hospital that didn’t have to be there if they had only cared about what they put in their bodies. Don’t give up on yourself at any cost. You are worth all the good that God has for you in this life, and good health and a sound mind are truly his desire for you and your family. Oh, and another thing, you are not your family; you are an individual. Just because your parents had high blood pressure doesn’t mean you have to have it. Hang in there and fight hard for your mental health as well. It is going to take changing your thoughts and your diet. When I weighed 235 pounds, I knew in my heart that I had to get my health back, while I still had youth on my side. When I was ready, I got serious and started going to the gym every day and walking as much as possible. I gave up eating so much junk
168 food. It wasn’t easy, but it was possible, and if I can do it, anyone can. Even though it’s been over 30 years since I lost weight, it is still a challenge every day. Get help if you have to, and believe me, help is a lot better than trying to do it alone. And remember this last quote below and take off and fly like an eagle. Soar beyond the clouds and reach for the moon with your goals. You will make it! You are possible! FAMOUS QUOTES ON THE MIND AND HEALTH “He who has health has hope; and he who has hope has everything.” – Thomas Carlyle “No matter how much it gets abused, the body can restore balance. The first rule is to stop interfering with nature.” – Deepak Chopra “Give a man health and a course to steer, and he’ll never stop to trouble about whether he’s happy or not.” – George Bernard Shaw "Health is a state of complete harmony of the body, mind, and spirit.” ~B.K.S. Iyengar
169 REMEMBER, ALL HARD WORK WILL BRING A PROFIT AND WINNERS LOVE TO LOSE… WEIGHT! I did it, and you can do it too! Your body is a slave to the mind! Either way you go, fat or thin, you are still beauti- ful… just strive for good health.
170 CHAPTER ELEVEN PEACE OF MIND One of our main goals in life and thoughts should be to obtain peace of mind. I would love to give you an easy answer for how to get peace in your life, but there are no easy answers. But what I can do is give you the same guidance that I have learned. You are going to have to do the “I AM” af- firmations religiously. And, if you have never been a religious person, or a holy roller, going to church every Sunday, then you will have to learn how to get fanatical about getting some much-needed peace in your life. “The mind is like an ocean. For most people, the mind is constantly moving, just like water, without ever coming to a rest. It is stirred up by our restless and rushing thoughts, just like waves on the shore. Our desires and fears do not only disturb us, but they also prohibit us from finding peace of mind. Just like the wind, our thoughts and anxieties can lead to a stormy ocean, without allowing us to rest. The mind, however, in itself is neutral, just like water. If you are able to reduce the influence of your thoughts on your mind, you will create a calm sea. The following will show you the most powerful ways to find peace of mind—a mental state so calm and peaceful, just like the water at the deepest ground of the ocean.” ~Steve Mueller I suggest you look at some videos on affirmations and meditations. There are literally hundreds. You are going to have to do them like I or the videos suggest for them to work for you. Without peace from within and with- out, nothing else will matter in your life. You can win the lottery and gain all the material wealth in the world and still be a miserable wreck. Peace is everything! And you have to do whatever it takes to get it; just do it.
171 The bible says that we should seek peace, strive for it, and chase it down as if your life depends on it, because it does. The Bible is filled with scriptures that can bring you some comfort in a storm, but we are asked to pursue it on our own with great determination. It is not enough to read a few Bible verses and think that our life is going to change instantly or become peace- ful. I have tried that, and it did not work for the long haul. You must ask yourself the question, “How important is having peace of mind to you?” Only you can answer this question. I don’t want to say that you must believe in the Bible in order to have peace, but you must believe in something bigger than yourself and your present situation if it is not making you happy. What I am saying is, peace of mind must be an authentic and legitimate desire. Why do I say authentic and legitimate? I say it because some people want peace of mind, but they are not willing to give it. If you are a drama queen or king, and you are constantly blabbing and running your mouth and screaming that you are not getting the respect you want, chances are you are not giving what you say you want. Mental anxiety is treatable by medical professionals who will prescribe medications that will only serve to mask the true issues you are having, and trust me; the side effects are much worse than the cure. But, on the other hand, if you feel you can’t handle your mental problems and feel you need professional help or a pill to fix it, by all that means is, get some help! Life is really crazy right now, and I will never diminish the stuff that’s going on with a self-help book! Oh no! Get help before you decide to do something stupid, like taking your life. That is not a sane solution to any problem. Feeling like you are going crazy sometimes is not an isolated feeling. We have all had our moments of, “What is happening now! To get to the deep root of your problems, you are going to have to go within your subconscious mind. Most of our stress and anxiety is usually self-made, and some are not. But whatever is causing you to feel crazy, no
172 matter what it is, you can be helped. The way you think about things will change the way you cultivate peace of mind. Ask yourself this question right now, and speak aloud, “Why do I feel stressful and what can I do to change these feelings and thoughts?” First, let me say that all stress comes from thoughts about a certain thing or situation. Secondly, all thoughts come from feelings about those things and situations. If you can understand what I just said, it will be the begin- ning of change. Remember, when you change the way you think about things, the things you think about will change. And, when that happens, chances are your feelings will change as well. If you want to feel better, think better thoughts. Below is the best advice I can give you and words of encouragement that I have found truly help me every time my mind starts to drift off into de- pressions illusional atmospheres. Philippians 8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true Whatsoever things are honest Whatsoever things are just Whatsoever things are pure Whatso- ever, things are lovely Whatsoever things are of good report. If there be any virtue, and if there is any praise, THINK ON THESE THINGS! Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do and so shall the GOD OF PEACE be with YOU!!!! Our mental calmness depends highly on our ability to calm our thoughts. You won’t be able to calm the ocean by grasping the water in the hope that it won’t move. I am reminded of something I heard the late great Bruce Lee say: “Be water,” he said in an interview. When I first heard it, I didn’t quite understand what he meant at the time. It would take many months and at least a year before I grasped the meaning of “Be water.”
173 If you think it is easy, well, I am here to tell you it is not. It simply does not work like that for the average person, and there certainly was nothing av- erage about Bruce Lee. It took him a lot of discipline and training from the Zen Masters before even he finally got it. What I mean by “it” is the “It fac- tor.” Before you can “Be water,” it is necessary to address the root of the prob- lem, which is the wind, or in our case, our fears, desires, and wrong thoughts. You will have to stop the impact of the wind on the ocean if you want a calm sea. We need to learn to control our emotions and thoughts so that our mental state is like a beautiful flowing stream and not a tsu- nami of ocean waves that can destroy all that is dissension and survive on dry land. I have listed a few tips below on how to calm the raging seas of life’s men- tal hurricanes and tornadoes. In this world, you are going to have troubles, and no one is exempt from them, no matter what your financial status. I don’t care how much money you have or how many degrees or Ivy League Diplomas you have; you are going to experience some kind of stressful situation sooner or later. Let’s talk about some solutions and not the problems. It is important to focus on solving problems when they arise instead of focusing on the problems. Here is why: what your mind focuses on can dominate the de- sired outcome. That is what I mean when I say, “You are your thoughts.” Okay, solutions, right? Let’s look at some, and you can create some solu- tions that might work for you. No two people are alike, and therefore, what works for some people may not work for you. According to Steve Mueller, “In general, the term ‘a peaceful mind’ is used to describe a mental state in which mental and emotional calmness prevail. It is a state where your mind is not stirred up by anxieties and worries. The mental activity is phased down so that quietness and calmness can be experienced.
174 Instead of being troubled by the past or future, your point of focus lies at this present moment; you are living in the now. We all have experienced this fantastic mental state, for in- stance during a vacation or while being deeply absorbed by an amazing book. During this state, we were not troubled by our worries and thoughts. Instead, our mind was calm—we had found inner peace.” How to secure peace of mind? 1. Identify your areas of challenge. If something is preventing you from achieving peace of mind, it's a good idea to figure out what it is. 2. Make peace with your past. Is there an event in your past that still haunts you? 3. Work on your relationships. If your relationships with parents or loved ones are strained, repair these connections so that you can more fully accept yourself and your life. 4. Forgive other people. It's easy to hold grudges, but forgiving peo- ple who have hurt us is important for mental health and better re- lationships. 5. Avoid materialism. Buying things is not a good method for creat- ing peace of mind, especially during inflation. 6. Make changes where necessary. You may need to make significant changes in your life in order to feel at peace. Learn to let go and
175 see what remains. We all pretty much have more than we actually need anyway. 7. Dealing with toxic people. Toxic relationships can be a powerful obstacle to having peace of mind in your life. 8. If you are not happy and don’t feel you are getting 9. what you deserve, let it go and let it go now and don’t look back. 10. Find your peaceful space and go there often. If it is cooking that relaxes you, then learn how to create new and exciting recipes. Make it fun and relaxing to cook, paint, learn photography or whatever it is that will give you a peaceful space. You can make YouTube videos of you cooking and possibly earn a large sum of money doing what puts you in a good headspace. 11. Start walking or hiking. To make this new activity more fun, buy or adopt a dog. Animals are wonderful de-stressors, and they offer you so much: unconditional love. The bonus of getting a pet is that they are perfect listeners and will never judge you no matter what. 12. Meditate. Meditation can be as simple as taking three deep breaths with your eyes closed or open and just thinking about how grateful you are to be healthy and alive. Things are really, re- ally bad in the world right now. Every day you can hear about un- speakable tragedies. You can focus on the crazy stuff, or you can choose to say a quick prayer for the world and move on with en- joying your life the best you can. And as far as having a lot of money in order to be happy, forget it now! Remember the earlier chapter where I mentioned people who were rich, famous, and even extremely funny, and ended up killing themselves. So just breathe and then breathe in again and then find your happy space or invent one. Peace of mind is a choice that anyone can have at any time they choose. The thing is, you have to remember that emotions create feelings, and feelings come from your thoughts. Thinking better thoughts manifests better feelings and solutions. Grieve To Find Peace of Mind
176 Grieving is a part of the loving process. It is all we have left to give. You never have to let it go, but to honor those we love, we must move on. If you are experiencing sadness or despondency because you have lost a loved one, my advice to you is to grieve and mourn them as long as it takes to get closure. Right now, you may be feeling like the world has caved in on you, but it really has not. But the best way to grieve is to remember the good times you had with that person. And, if you needed to forgive them for something, then forgive them and let it go. Whatever it was that they did, it is over now. They are gone, and the only one who will suffer now is you. I lost my mom, dad, and a sister two years younger than me in a fire in 2004, and a younger brother and my oldest sister all in the same year, 2022. So, I know all too well what it feels like to lose a loved one, but I grieved and cried and found closure by helping others. Also, after losing my oldest sister, I got counselling from a mental health therapist at my job. I am a mental mentor and wellness coach, and I had to get help for myself. My pain was overwhelming to the point I couldn’t bring myself out of the sadness. I think that at times I still have some mental setbacks because of my losses, but I don’t let it control my thoughts for more than a few minutes after processing my emotions. The pain will ease up in time if you allow it to be compartmentalized in a precious space in your heart, where good memo- ries are stored. I know I must get back to living in the now. That truly is the only way out of your painful past. It really helped to turn my focus on helping others; it lessened my pain. So, I decided to become a nurse and volunteer for community services in any capacity. It will help your anxiety to turn your pain into a worthwhile cause for the greater good of others. I know you are hurting, but it will help. I know it will. The people you loved truly would not want you to walk around crying and being sad all the time. They would not! Also, remember, pain is real, and it will take time, but you can make the
177 time go by faster if you process the pain and then start living again. Start living in the now. The present moment is truly a gift. That is why it is called the “Present.” NO GUILT There is no guilt in letting go; that is a trick the mind tries to play in order to keep you from leaving your comfort zone of sadness. Your subcon- scious would rather hang on to what is familiar, and feelings of familiar emotions are easier for the mind to adapt to; that is why addictions are so hard to break. That is why it is so hard to let go of a relationship, even if the relationship is toxic to your heart. Sometimes feelings of emotional pain are a direct result of thoughts of prolonged despair, which brings on other feelings of needing an immedi- ate remedy. I need you to remember, when you are feeling any emotion, that feelings are energy and energy is a verb which, if not controlled, de- sires action. When you are in pain, the first thing you want to do is reach for some- thing to stop the hurt and most times we turn to things like drugs, food, or alcohol. Or, in a worst-case scenario, some even think that suicide will stop the hurt. That is truly the worst thing you could ever do. All the above so-called remedies for easing pain are false cures and only lead to more and more false medications, and when they no longer work to mask the pain… you start thinking of suicide. These are never a good alternative to curing human pain. Pain is real, be it physical or emotional. And you need to get professional help if you feel you cannot control your emotions. Every hu- man being, no matter their status in life, be it rich or poor, gay or straight, will suffer some kind of pain. No one is exempt from pain. It is real, and it can cut deep into your soul. But help is always available to you. You are always in control of your thoughts and feelings, but grief and emotional pain are hard; so, take your time, then force your mind to move
178 on with memories of the good times, and if possible, get some counselling from a professional. Remember, you are the master of your thoughts. It may not feel like you have control, but you really do. Don’t be afraid to step out of what people say is normal for you to do. Step out of the norm and become extraordi- narily fortified with exceptional courage and resilience of heart. Remem- ber, peace of mind is the goal here. Once you start to work on getting more peace in your life, everything else will fall in place like peanut butter to jelly, like a grill cheese sandwich and tomato soup- those comfort foods we grew up on always made us feel bet- ter. I must be getting hungry…LOL, but you get it, right? Hitting the mental sanity lottery is the goal…. It is the best riches one can gain. When you win peace of mind, you win big and oh what a prize! Now you truly are a winner! Smile, learn to laugh at yourself and brush off non- sense like lint on your shoulder. You are courageous; you are the master of your thoughts. You must be- come best friends with yourself… Loving yourself is the best gift you can give to family and the world. Self-control is the beginning of thoughtful mind mastery. Peace of mind is the beginning of authentic happiness. You can’t buy it, but you can hoard it once you get it, and the more you accu- mulate, the more you will improve your peace of mind, and that is the journey to pure joy and peace of mind.
179 CHAPTER TWELVE THE POWER OF NOW “Yesterday is gone, tomorrow doesn’t exist – we need to accept Now.” — David Icke In this chapter, I focused on how to get peace of mind and why it is the most important goal when it comes to thinking the right thoughts and living an authentically happy life. In this chapter, I want to talk about how important it is to start right now accepting the moment you are actually in. By now you already have an idea of how to train your brain to think right thoughts. You now know that you are the master of your mind. All that you are right now, meaning your character, is a culmination of all your thoughts and decisions. But this is just the beginning of your new mind- fulness journey. Below, I have given you a few quotes that will help you understand how important it is to live in the now. This does not mean that you shouldn’t plan for a better future. “The longer you live, the harder it becomes. To grab them. Each lit- tle moment as it arrives. To be living in something other than the past or the future. To be actually here. Forever, Emily Dick- inson said, is composed of nows. But how do you inhabit the now you are in? How do you stop the ghosts of all the other nows from getting in? How, in short, do you live?” ~Matt Haig WHEN IS IT A GOOD TIME TO START? There is never a better time to start anything positive and new that can
180 help you get to a better place and time in your head than right now. Why is right now the best time to start? Because right now is all you really have. The present moment in time is so precious and valuable to your sanity. Thinking and harboring past mistakes or “If I could have, should have” thoughts will never help you move forward. I know it’s hard to forget all the stuff that hurt you in the past or even just yesterday, or all the money you lost on nonsense decisions that you made. I know that you might be spending precious time regretting letting go of what could have been “the love of your life,” that one that got away from you; even those memories are not worth pondering over at this moment anymore. Even spending time regretting the stuff that never really should have happened anyway is a total waste of your time. And all time is pre- cious and valuable, whether you know it or not; it is. Plus, you don’t know if the one that got away would have been the one that would have been the worst mistake you ever made in your life. You may have dodged a bul- let. If someone said they loved you and has cheated on you and walked out on you… please thank your lucky stars, my friend; you are still alive to tell the story and tell the story and move on! Some of us spend too much time crying over nonsense stuff and not enough time being grateful for life itself. I’m just saying! This is not hyperbole or an overstatement. We spend way too much time crying over nonsense, and crying not just about spilt milk, but spoiled and rotten sour milk, at that. I have been so very guilty of this, so I can tell you that I know how you feel. Letting go is hard, but it can be accomplished. You must want peace of mind more than an- ything or anyone. Let it all go and see what remains. Let it all go and see what remains. You just might find out that less is truly more, and overthinking is really overrated! ~Me This is the way to forward thinking; it is the only way to right thinking and a sound mind, a mind of peace and stress-free living. Somethings just were never meant to be. Once you understand that and get into this frame of
181 mindfulness, you will start living in the authentic now. Everything else is just a false sense of reality. Let us get real with ourselves: looking in the rear-view mirror in order to drive our lives forward will always be a disaster waiting to happen. It is impossible to move forward when you are con- stantly looking behind you. Living in the moment is the only way toward forward thinking. It is possible. Stay in the now… please, or you could be playing with your mind, and your mind is not going to let you get away with crazy thinking. A weak-minded man is like a ship without a rudder. His mind is tossed hither and there in dense fog with nowhere to go. He is almost a lost soul yet living in the light.
182 JOY WILL COME AGAIN “Joy always follows on the heels of pain. If a person escapes the mindset that current events represent an ongoing tragedy, they will encounter and comprehend all the beauty that surrounds them. We find bliss by living alertly and unequivocally accepting whatever is occurring in the present moment. If a person realizes that the present moment is all that matters, they will gain an inner stillness and appreciate the beauty and joy of each day.” ~ Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls
183 CHAPTER THIRTEEN THOUGHT AND WISDOM How do we know we are wise? What is wisdom? Does it mean you have to have a high IQ, or be a rocket scientist? How do we get wise? I’m not talking about becoming a brain surgeon; I am talking about making every day wise choices about your life. Trying to make good sense out of a sense- less world of death and unspeakable crime, disease, and politics is not easy. It makes us want to get wisdom or think more clearly about the decisions we make for our own personal well-being. I was shocked the other day when I heard of a 26-year-old young man com- mitted suicide. This wasn’t just any 26-year-old; he was the son of the Academy Award winner, Regina King. They had a really loving and close relationship, they said on the news. I thumped my hand lightly against my forehead and said out loud, using my favorite word… “What was he think- ing?” If they were so happy, why would he kill himself? His mom is fa- mous and rich, so that means he was too; maybe. So, what wise thought goes on in the mind of a person who commits suicide, seemingly for no apparent reason? I know this is going to sound crazy, but there is always a reason, even though we can’t see the wisdom in it. There is always an explanation for why someone may want to end their lives. Most people who consider this unwise thought are usually in mental pain or deal with some type of OCD feeling of pain that we don’t know about. But whatever the case, the thought of death is a way of ending the internal turmoil and anguish, but it is not a very wise decision to make to solve a problem. If you are living, there is always a solution to every prob- lem. A wise decision should be made at all costs. And that decision should always be to choose life. The reason for this is that there is a reason for you being here on the green side of God’s good earth. And trust me when it’s your time, no matter when, you will die!
184 Now let’s talk about living a life of wisdom. The best way to live a life that is centered on a life well lived is to practice gratitude daily. PRACTICE GRATITUDE The first way to cultivate a life of gratitude is by practicing affirmations of being grateful. This is the only way to rewrite your subconscious think- ing differently. We can find many things to be grateful for. There is no shortage of blessings that surround you every minute of the day. You just have to acknowledge them. You can’t afford to ignore the good things in life. I know it looks like the whole world is falling apart. Things are really difficult right now, for sure. But cultivating wisdom in perilous times can help get you through all the nonsense; if not, it surely can ease the pain. With COVID diseases on the rise and new variants creeping in like a ghost in the dark, stuff keeps coming out of the cracks of the walls of life, like roaches in the night. But you can’t afford to ignore your blessings, and if you are still alive and reading this book, you are lucky and truly blessed. Be grateful you are not in the hospital, and if you are, be grateful you are not in the morgue. Well, if you were in the morgue, you wouldn’t know it anyway…LOL! What I am saying is, there is always something to be grateful for. You must start looking for reasons to be grateful. Find something, anything to be thankful for and hang on to it with all you have in you. No matter what it is, if you can find peace in that thing, shout “hallelujah”, and thank God for it. It could be a lot worse… be truly grateful for it! Be thankful for just being alive and hopefully well and at peace. You can be grateful for all kinds of good stuff and some of the nonsense
185 too. Sometimes, nonsense can be a blessing in disguise; you have to look for the rainbow after the rain. I know that sounds like fanciful thinking and ambiguous at best, but it is not. It just seems like there is no way out of the storm while it is raining golf-ball-sized problems all around you. But trust me, bad times don’t last forever, unless you harbor that stuff in your head and refuse to let go and think on things that are of a good report. I have been through so much stuff in my life to know that you can really think your way out of most of it. I was even homeless at one time in my life for two weeks waiting for my apartment to be ready to move into. I was not homeless, like most homeless people who live on the street, be- cause I was wise enough to go to a women’s and children’s shelter. It was very hard for me, but I swallowed my pride, because I knew that pride goes before a fall. I had to keep in mind that I had been very well off at one time and a two-time homeowner… these were new homes, and one of them I built from the ground up, a three thousand square foot dream home. It was not because I didn’t have family or friends, or was unem- ployed, but it was because I continued to think hopelessly because of a single momentary setback. All setbacks are just moments in time, created to make you more resilient. Setbacks are just speed bumps on the highway of life to slow you down so that you can make better decisions on how to move ahead in a situ- ation you probably shouldn't be in now. As for me, I was in a relationship with a guy I should not have been with in the first place. Therefore, speed bumps came into my life to help me get rid of that toxic relationship. Thank goodness for speed bumps! It will give you time to think about what you are doing, so you don’t go completely off the precipice. How about being grateful for toothpaste and grateful for teeth to brush, LOL… I’m just saying. I am not trying to be funny. It’s true. We ignore so much. Most times we can’t see the forest for the trees, literally. How about having hot water and a warm, safe bed to sleep in at night? There are so many people who are homeless and don’t know where their next meal is
186 coming from. There are hundreds of thousands of things to be grateful for. Until you open your mind and heart to see the beauty in a single rose or beautiful and colorful pansies that can withstand the cold winter frost, or the evergreen trees that thrive every winter while other trees die, or birds flying in formation, you will not see the blessings of simple pleasures that give life to all. Before I let you go, I want to leave you with a quote from my first book, Train Your Brain – Be Ye Transformed by The Renewing of Your Mind. “Forgive Yourself. Once you pay your dues to society, as we all must, you have to forgive yourself and get on with the business of loving yourself supremely. I’m not talking about becoming an arrogant, boastful fool. I am talking about undoing negative thoughts and owning your mistakes without harboring regrets. And I am talking about undoing negative be- haviors through using positive meditation and positive self-talk. How wonderful your life will change when you change the way you think about things. I remember there was a time when I constantly wanted to breakup with my man because he didn’t have the time to spend with me that I desired. He is a good man, and I felt completely safe and protected with him. I loved his character so much that I wanted to spend every breathing mo- ment with him, which was a ridiculous and impractical desire. My heart was addicted to his personality. I thought if I threw other men in his face, it would make him spend more time with me. I was wrong. I almost lost him with those silly tricks. Once I decided to think differently about the relationship and accentuate the positive, my relationship changed for the better. I finally broke up with him. I decided to cultivate more patience and wait until he realized that I was worth being with. Well, I was wrong again. I had to come to
187 terms with the fact that I was never going to be loved the way I wanted to be loved by him, so I let my heart off the hook and let him go. As the months went by, I began to see that I didn’t need anyone to validate my self-worth, but myself. It was because I changed the way I was thinking about him; now my self-esteem grows and blossoms like a spring garden in May. Fear of being alone almost ruined my beautiful mind and would keep me from being my true soulmate. Your heart is the most delicate organ in your awesome body and is synonymous with your mind. You must pro- tect both with all the fortitude of spirit and resilience. Fear is the enemy of progress in all forms. Fear of finding love again and peace within your heart can never be an option. Learn to let go and let love and hope rule each day. Let fear have a one-two punch in its ugly, negative gut and move on with your life with courage and determination to live the life you want, deserve and desire. It is not going to be easy to get your life back or even get the life you always dreamed of, but if you feel you have had enough and that you want more and that you are worth more, it will be worth the effort. You can do this. You can love again after being hurt so bad. I know this for sure. You have to do the work of mindfulness and become fearless. Never let your dreams die and never die with your music still in you. Hard times don’t last forever, but a person with a strong desire to be free to live their dreams and be free of stress and drama will last through the hard times.
188 FAVORITE QUOTES I WROTE FROM 1997-2001 “There are no disadvantages except for the ones you create, imagine and be- lieve in your mind.” “I taught my children not to use curse words… especially those TWO BIG nasty ones, “I Can’t!” “You abuse yourself when you refuse to get out of an abusive relationship as soon as possible. It is like self-mutilation. Make no mistake about it, there is always a door open for your escape – find it and get out.” “What makes me feel really good about myself is when I know for sure I’ve given something 110% my best effort, even if it didn’t work out.” “If you want to get the most out of your day, use every minute as though it were your last.” “Consciously appreciating each breath, each second, each moment in time, is well spent time and worthwhile.” “Go ahead and cry if you have a good reason for tears. Save yourself and just cry… it’s good therapy.” I’ve often thought of opening a crying clinic.”
189 BE FEARLESS! Below is a poem I wrote in my first book, five years ago, about fear: I AM FEARLESS Fear is the nails that build your coffin for dreams that are never lived I AM FEARLESS A fearless soul can never be conquered by things that appear real to the soul but dead reality Or steal dreams to believe in the impossible I am fearless and able to cre- ate what I will I grab fear by the horns and ride life with zeal To exhaust its power to a weakened zero For my lofty thoughts are my true hero I will not fear love again I pray to God for a soulmate friend Fear is but an ant under foot I conquer fear and I will write a book Maybe I will do what I fear the most I might even become a talk show host Fear will never beat me down I will always reach for higher ground I survive and I thrive because I am alive I am fearless so I’ll take the dive! I dive into water that looks so deep I will conquer fear and take the leap CULTIVATE PEACE Your first desire should be to cultivate peace of mind. Your second desire should be to become a fearless warrior for empowering thoughts of wis- dom and optimism. When you start to feel like life is caving in on you, that is when you need to see the beautiful gift of life itself, which is you, and count all your blessings with complete and unwavering gratitude. Seek peace and pursue it with all your heart and might. Training your brain to think about those things which will bring you the most joy and calm- ness of mind, body and prosperity of your soul's existence in a world is the precipice of destruction. Think like a god and act like a boss. Remember,
190 you are created in the image of all that is creative and abundant! And, fi- nally, love yourself fearlessly. You may not feel like it right now, but your brain is a powerful force to be reckoned with when you think the right thoughts. Love you all so very much. Hope my book helps you in some small way. It’s hard, but you got this.
191 CHAPTER FOURTEEN THOUGHTS AND THE ART OF LISTENING Empathy is demonstrated in active listening by the listener reflecting the thoughts and feelings of the speaker. These thoughts and feelings are be- lieved, supported, and respected. They are not dismissed or challenged. This is what it truly means to feel empathic, which is the highest form of authentic love. Most people do not realize that listening is an art. When a person wants to become a painter or artist of any kind, they need to go to school and learn how to draw or cultivate the art of singing or even writing a book; one should learn something about writing and composing literature. Perhaps it would be wise to take some courses in English literature or take an art class before investing in paintbrushes and canvas or sitting down at a lap- top with the idea of writing a bestseller, unless you are gifted. Then there are those who are just gifted and can sit at a piano, never taking a piano lesson and play those ivory keys like a musical prodigy. There are those who never took a singing lesson and can belt out some melodies like a songbird. Those are the people we call gifted, but they are rare and are what some would consider proteges. They were born with a special gift. But what about when it comes to listening? Are there any who have that gift? Yes, there are, but not many. Stay with me on this most important chapter. I will try to explain why listening is so important. It has been said that listening is the highest expression of language and, moreover, the language of love. Have you ever had something weighing heavily on your mind, so heavy
192 that it felt like your head was going to explode if you didn’t talk to some- one? It is not as if you did not have the answer to the thoughts that were weighing your mind down, like an elephant was sitting on your head. All you felt like doing was to get that burden off your mind, because it seemed like constipation on the brain. And we all know what it feels like to be backed up in that way, right? It is uncomfortable to say the least. Not everyone who needs to express themselves to you wants you to try and fix them; they may just want a listening ear. Have you ever heard the say- ing, “God gave us one mouth to talk and two ears to listen?” What I am trying to convey to you as well as to myself, sometimes we need to show people how much we love them by just listening and staying quiet. Guilty again, my bad, and I cannot plead the fifth on the subject. LOL! Thank God for second chances. I couldn’t write about this subject if I was not guilty of the crime myself. Why do I call it a crime? The reason I call not being a good listener a crime, is because sometimes when we interrupt people when they are trying to express themselves or vent or let go of the stuff that is deeply troubling them, and they can’t get a word out before we interject our opinions or solutions out of our mouths, it is like pouring lighter fluid on an already open flame. It is like you have decided to sit on top of the elephant that was already sitting on top of their brain in the first place. I have been so guilty of this crime. I know of many incidents where I have killed a poten- tially good relationship off with my mouth. We do it all the time and do not even know we are doing it. We do it with our children, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, grandchildren, and friends and associates. We do it because we think we are helping them solve a prob- lem that we can’t even solve because of our own mental limitations. A lot of times it is innocently done, but nonetheless, it is not a good way to show you care. But in defense of genuine love, we are just trying to help. We really do care. But honestly, from what I have learned from caring for peo- ple who confide in us is that they just want to be heard.
193 I think men are more tempted to want to blurt out advice or interrupt their significant other or children, because men are natural fixers. They are born with the “I can fix it” gene, naturally. But with practice and pa- tience, they too can become great listeners. This is why I say that even lis- tening is an art that has to be cultivated. . Now, let us look at the women and their ability to listen. You would think that as natural nurturers and mothers who are created to give life to an- other human being, women would be better at listening. This, my friends, is so far from reality. The reason I say this is because women are genetically both male and female. What do I mean by saying this? Women are born with both estrogen and testosterone, with estrogen usu- ally being dominant. Women nurture male and female children from the womb through breastfeeding and, often, from cradle to grave. This could be why many sons are closer to their mothers than their fathers. It is not always the case, but heredity may play a role. . Here is my point. Some men don’t understand why women seem to be the talkers and are generally not good listeners. There is a reason for this as well. As women, we have a strong need to feel protected, validated, and nurtured, even more than men. Therefore, men talk at us; instead of allow- ing us the opportunity to express our feelings, we as women feel the need to protect ourselves, and we become defensive with our feelings. So, we try to get our point across before the man shoots down our thoughts and ideas. All this is done ignorantly because we are not trained in listening and why listening is the highest form of love.
194 THE HIGHEST FORM OF LOVE IS BEING A GOOD LISTENER We as people in general would become our best versions of ourselves if we learned the art of listening better than we do. The thing is, we all have opinions and thoughts, and basically, we really do want to help. But with- out going on and on about listening to people who need us, we must, or maybe I should say, we must learn how to become better listeners. This is how we can improve our relationships, and our relationships would flour- ish if we didn’t always have something to say while someone is trying to just vent. You don’t always have to put your two cents ' worth of advice in the conversation. Learn to be still and be quiet. Plus, last time I checked, two cents have never been worth very much anyway. Most times, when someone comes to you and feels the need to talk about something, it is a cry for help. But if you are waiting to jump in with your unprofessional opinions or advice, you will not hear the deep stress and frustration of another. This my friends are what causes most people who are on the edge of taking their own lives or who are deeply in mental pain, to just say to themselves, “no one really cares, and no one ever listens to me,” and they go jump off the mental cliff of life; when if we had just taken a few minutes to listen and listen some more. This happens a lot with our teenagers and close family. I remember when my older sister passed, I was in such devastating grief. I called my older daughter and ex- pressed to her that I couldn’t stop crying and that my eyes were almost swollen shut, and her quick reply to me was, “Get some Visine,” she sug- gested. This upset me to the point where I did not ever want to speak to her again. Although she has a master’s degree, I knew she was never the sharpest pencil in the bunch, but that suggestion from her to me was
195 heartless and cold. I was livid, to say the least. Visine? Seriously? Do you understand what I am saying about empathy and listening? So, here’s the real deal: the next time someone comes to you to express what’s on their mind, LET THEM! And at the same time, remind your- self that you don’t have the answers and steer them toward a real “Help- line” or App or website where they can get some real advice and help. But most of all, do not try to interject your thoughts or opinions. Remember, some people just need to dump some crazy stuff out of their heads and just need a listening ear. That could be the biggest help you can offer them. Just be there as a safety net for their painful thoughts or issues to fall on, but don’t try to be their Mahatma Gandhi or an almighty guru. Remember the highest form of love is being a good listener. Active Listening Skills You Can Foster Active listening requires a skill set that differs from typical everyday listen- ing. Not only are you using the principles of empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard, but you must also develop certain skillful ways of interacting. It’s useful to begin with the body language of the listener (Robertson, 2005). How do you know when someone is listening to you? Maintaining eye contact and appropriate facial expressions is important to convey em- pathy and attention. As with all aspects of active listening, these indicators shouldn’t be forced or faked. They are simply a reflection of your genuine attentiveness. It also helps to remove distractions from the environment. Depending on the context, you may desire to set up an environment that conveys peace and quiet. If you are in a public place, putting away distractions or moving to a quieter location can also be helpful. To actively follow what the speaker is conveying, you allow space for them to speak, reducing or elim- inating questions and giving space for silence. Turn off television or cell
196 phones. You are not actively listening to someone if you are looking down at your cell phone or responding to a text message. In a non-active listening situation, there may be quick back and forth, many rapid questions, or people may talk over one another. With active listening, the speaker is given the time and space to speak as much as they want. And they are encouraged to continue. If you want your teenagers to openly communicate with you, then you have to give them the same respect by putting your devices down when they come to you. Be a non- judgmental active listener for them… they will be more willing to listen to your advice when it comes to that. Put your iPad, laptops, and iPhones down when your kids come to you and just really listen with an open mind. Stop expecting the respect you want from your children that you are not willing to give them. After all, they are not just your children; they are little grown people in the making. Well, this completes this chapter on listening and now on with the last chapter. I hope you learned something new about your thoughts and how the mind works when it comes to making choices and changing your life for the better. Now, if all that you have read doesn’t seem to get you where you want to go, the next and final chapter should do it. Life is not a picnic; I know that for sure, but when all else seems to fail, perhaps it is time to learn how to pray so that you can get real results and authentically mani- fest your desires.
197 CHAPTER FIFTEEN TRAIN YOUR BRAIN EXCERPTS From Book One I thought it would be a good idea to give my new readers an extra gift of knowledge from my first book. Therefore, I added excerpts from my original book. I did not want to leave you out there without some addi- tional wisdom on how to reprogram your mind to get through the non- sense. As for me, I needed all the extra help I could get, but after COVID-19, the death of a baby brother, my older sister, in the same year and all the horrible, crazy stuff going on in the world right now, I felt I had to give you more arsenal to put in your brain to fight this war of human survival on this earth. I hope you enjoy the information and that it really helps you get through life a little happier and experience more peace in your life. Here we go. FROM BOOK ONE – TRAIN YOUR BRAIN I would also like to recommend that you listen to as many motivational YouTube videos as you possibly can. The best time to do this is in the morning when you get ready for your day, instead of turning on the TV and watching the morning news. I am not telling you to bury your head in the sand and not know what is going on in the world. What I am recom- mending is that you change your morning routine so that you start your day off on a high-spirited note. This will help lift your self-esteem and give you more energy and power to get through your day.
198 Life isn’t going to instantly become a bowl full of cherries. It is going to take time to get to success, and failure is a part of the process, but you certainly don’t need any extra negative influences along the way. Below are a few tips that will really help. These tips are some of the things I did to aid me on my journey. But you can find things in your life that may be beneficial to your particular situation. Please be honest with yourself about what triggers you have that might stifle your progress. Everyone is different, but basically, we are all wired the same when it comes to these certain issues. DIET FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH Now, I am about to give you more mindfulness recommendations that will help you on your way to living an empowered and pros- perous life. You may not like what I am about to suggest, but it will help you get where you want to go a lot faster. You are going to have to change some behaviors that will stifle or help your pro- gress. Here it is: DON’T GIVE UP COFFEE—GIVE UP THE SUGAR: Professional health nutritionists and researchers discovered in 2022 that those who drink one to two cups of coffee early in the morning before noon live longer than those who do not drink coffee at all. Why must you drink coffee before noon or at least before 3:00 pm? This will help you get a better night’s sleep, which is essential to success and your overall health. Trust me on this one. I did it, and I felt like I was walking in the air after a while. My eyes cleared up, and I had more energy the next day. Coffee is a natural food; what makes it bad for you is when you put SUGAR in it. Refined sugar is a poison, a fatal venom that will kill your brain slowly. It is extremely addictive, and when introduced into the body, it acts just like arsenic to your organs, especially your liver, which is the organ that must process food and fat for energy. I know this sounds crazy, but it is the truth, and remember what I mentioned earlier in this book, “The truth will set you free,” if you allow it. With that said, do your
199 research on sugar for yourself. There are many legitimate doctors on YouTube that will give you the ugly truth about what sugar does to your brain and body. Check it out for yourself, and you will be amazed at what you learn. Here is one more plus about COFFEE—if you dab a bit of black coffee under your eyes in the morning… it will shrink the bags and dark circles, but what I really recommend when it comes to that luggage you carry under your eyes is to get enough sleep and try to give up drinking alcohol before bedtime. Most people think that alcohol helps you sleep better, but this is far from the truth; it inhibits your sleep, and those ugly circles and bags mean that your liver cannot process the sugar from the liquor. They say that a glass of red wine before bed with a baby aspirin will keep you from having heart trouble, but I say, if you be- lieve that, then I have a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn and I’m letting it go for a mere $29.95, LOL. FAST 12-16 HOURS– If you can do it, and you can if you start gradu- ally and learn about INTERMITTENT FASTING. I am not suggesting that you go without food for long periods of time, but periodic fasts are beneficial to boosting brain power and memory, as well as your overall health. My suggestion is that you pick a day when you fast for 12 hours once a week, or even more days than that. You can fast from 6:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. the next morning, or better yet, fast until noon the next day; this will give you the maximum results. There is a doctor on YouTube by the name of Pradip Jamnadas, MD. He is so amazingly knowledgeable on fast- ing and cardiovascular health. FASTING HAS AMAZING BENEFITS, and he thoroughly examines and explains it in a way a child can under- stand. And the bonus is, you may lose some unwanted pounds more efficiently than dieting alone. Believe it or not, you will wake up with more energy; I can guarantee you that. Start slowly and gradually see if you can fast for longer periods of time. Fasting just opens the floodgates of real break- throughs and creates new neural pathways for mindfulness. It toughens you up for the road ahead. You are going to need some strong grit and
200 strength for the grind toward success. It is not going to be easy getting to the top, but you will get there. Anytime you set out to climb mountains, you are going to have to get stronger. Nothing worthwhile comes easily; if it did, everyone would be successful. You are going to have to set your- self one step ahead of those who don’t want to do the work. You can do it! Yes, you can! DRINK MORE WATER! Why do I recommend that you up your water intake? First, drinking more water boosts the metabolism, rids the body of toxins and keeps your colon flushed out and BMs running smoothly. This is vital for good health and excellent thinking patterns. Sec- ondly, drinking more water also helps create mindful discipline. It nour- ishes the brain cells, and after all, we are on a quest to RENEW OUR MINDS. Thirdly, and what is most important for me is, it prevents premature wrinkling and keeps our skin plump and youthful- looking. Keep some water on your nightstand. This will create a new habit, and after all, isn’t this the goal? If you drink a large glass of water first thing in the morning, it starts your internal engine going and re- freshes your brain cells. If you are not a water drinker, I highly suggest that you become one. It is all a part of your new change. It is very, very im- portant for your blood flow and thought processes. After a long night’s sleep, over seven or eight hours, the body becomes dehydrated. Dehydra- tion can kill you. So, to wake up every organ and every cell in your beau- tiful body, START YOUR DAY WITH A BIG GLASS OF WATER; it cleanses the brain cells. Here is another plus for drinking plenty of water: it cuts cravings and helps you to feel full if you are on a diet or fasting. It works! RED WINE and CHOCOLATE – Researchers have discovered that a glass of red wine at night before bedtime can extend your life by at least 10 to 20 years. They say it is good for your heart, and a bonus is, have some real chocolate as well. The chocolate should be at least 75% to 90% real cocoa. This is by far my favorite of all the de-stressors I have mentioned, and I am sure you will find it to be one of yours as well. I know I said