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1 Student Manual
Table of Contents Session 1: God’s Design For the Family 3 Session 2: Roles of Husband and Wife 7 Session 3: The Role of Parents 12 What to teach your Children - Part 1 15 What to teach your Children - Part 2 19 Session 4: How to influence your Children 30 Session 5: The Role of Children and Single Adults 35 Session 6: Communication 40 Session 7: The Freedom of Forgiveness 44 💡 The purpose of this topic is not solely for personal application by married pastors but also to equip both married and single pastors with the knowledge to teach these principles of husband and wife relationships, children and family in general to your congregation. 2
SESSION 1 GOD’S DESIGN FOR THE FAMILY Student’s Notes LEARNING OUTCOMES: In this session, you will: 1. Discover the importance of family in God’s purpose for His creation. 2. Understand God’s design for the family. 3. Commit to live with your family by God’s design. “Whatever else may be said about the home, it is the bottom line of life, the anvil upon which attitudes and convictions are hammered out. It is the place where life’s bills come due, the single most influential force in our earthly existence.” — Chuck Swindoll I. WHY IS FAMILY IMPORTANT? Pair, Look & Share #1: With a partner, look at the following verse and share with each other why the family is important. Genesis 1:27-28 So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth. Summary: Small Group Discussion #1: Find your small group. Read the following passages and discuss why the family is important. Psalm 78:4-8 NASB We will not conceal them from their children, But we will tell the generation to come the praises of the Lord, And His power and His wondrous works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob, And appointed a law in Israel, Which He commanded our fathers That they were to teach them to their children, So that the generation to come would know, the children yet to be born, That they would arise and tell them to their children, So that they would put their confidence in God And not forget the works of God, But comply with His commandments, And not be like their fathers, A stubborn and rebellious generation, A generation that did not prepare its heart. And whose spirit was not faithful to God. 3
Summary: Pair, Look & Share #2: With a partner, look at the following verse and share with each other why the family is important. Genesis 12:3 And I will bless those who bless you, And the one who curses you I will curse. And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed. The family is important… 1. 2. 3. II. WHAT IS GOD’S DESIGN FOR THE FAMILY? HOW CAN A FAMILY LIVE BY GOD’S DESIGN? ACTIVITY #4: Personal Assessment 1. To find out God’s design for the family, take time to evaluate your family using the design God has for it. 2. As time allows, discuss with a partner the result of your personal assessment. • What are the areas needing improvement? • What will you stop doing, improve doing and start doing. GOD’S DESIGN IS MY FAMILY LIVING GOD’S DESIGN? NOT AT ALL A FEW TIMES MOST OF THE TIME 1 God is at the center of the home Is God the center of our home? Is Christ the center of our relationships? Do we share biblical values in our family from God’s Word? Do we have a clear common mission and vision from God? 2 Loving God Mark 12:30 Do our children understand the concept of Father’s love through our worship of God? Do we model loving God and prioritizing Him to our children by worshiping God together every Sunday, going to the church on time? Do our children see us treat God with reverence? 3 Loving each other Mark 12:31 John 1:12 Matthew 7:11 Is our family a picture of God’s love through our relationships with one another (husband & wife, parents & children, among siblings)? Does our closeness with one another depend entirely on our closeness to God? Do we feel unconditionally loved and accepted? 4
III. POINTERS: 3 Ps 1. Path Your family is on a journey to become more Christ-like. A journey needs a map for directions, if you want to have a godly family, it’s not easy and you need a map for that – the Bible. 4 Obeying God’s Word Matthew 7:24-25 Do we read God’s Word regularly? Do our children see us value His Word above all else? As parents, do we intentionally teach our children to submit to the authority of God’s Word? Do we teach our children submission to authority through our example? Do we demonstrate respect and submission to our leaders? 5 Modeling a godly character 1 Corinthians 11:1 As parents are we purposeful in modeling Godly character? If others look at us, will they choose to follow Jesus? Are our children growing up in Christlikeness? Because of our example, are our children growing up with a servant mentality, that they are not born to be served but to serve others? 6 Being controlled by the Holy Spirit Galatians 5:22-23 As parents, do we allow the Holy Spirit to control our lives? Do we see the fruit of being controlled by the Holy Spirit - love unconditionally, have joy, experience peace, have patience, exercise kindness, etc. 7 Serving God together Mark 10:45 Do we serve God as a family? Are our children involved in our ministry to others? Do we easily talk to others about salvation in Jesus? As parents do we expose and bring our children to minister or reach out to others? Do we allow them to go and serve in different, difficult, and poor places? Are we all involved in discipleship? 8 Praying together Philippians 4:6-7 Do we purposefully pray together whenever and in whatever situation? Are our children used to praying together as a family, so much so that they will apply it to their own families when they grow old? 5
2. Progress Every family is a work in progress. Progress means that it doesn’t happen in an instant. Along the journey, sometimes we will have arguments and get irritated with each other. We can ask ourselves and each other, “Am I a better person today than I was last year?”, “Am I becoming a better father, a better mother, a better brother/sister, a better son/ daughter?” We are not yet perfect, but we are progressing towards Christlikeness. We should evaluate ourselves and see to it that we are growing and becoming more like Christ every day. 4. Practice Practice what you have learned and be consistent in doing it. Don’t be discouraged if your family is not yet what it’s supposed to be. Just continue and be faithful with what God has called you to do. Start today by reading your notes and sharing them to your family: spouse and kids. IV. TAKE AWAY A. “I will … “ From our session today, what will you commit to do as a result of learning about God’s design for your family? Make sure your “I will …” is SMART. S: Specific M: Measurable A: Appropriate R: Relevant T: Time Bound B. Discuss with your family members the result of your personal assessment. 6 💡 Additional Insights Teaching about family requires sensitivity to deal with diverse family structures such as nuclear families, single-parent homes, blended families, and extended families. While the topic often idealizes a perfect family setting, acknowledging this variety allows the community to cultivate empathy, combat discrimination, and foster an inclusive environment where every family type is respected and valued. Also, fidelity in marriage remains pivotal, as underscored in biblical passages such as Hebrews 13:4 and 1 Corinthians 7:2. In today's world, where infidelity is increasingly prevalent, these scriptures emphasize the sanctity of marriage and warn against sexual immorality. They highlight the crucial role of fidelity in maintaining the integrity of the family unit as established by God. Upholding marital exclusivity not only promotes family stability and health but also encourages joy and fulfillment in faithful love. This commitment safeguards the bonds that nurture and protect, ensuring the well-being of future generations and preventing familial dysfunction and brokenness.
SESSION 2 THE ROLES OF HUSBAND AND WIFE Student’s Notes LEARNING OUTCOMES: In this session, you will: 1. Be reminded of why roles are important, particularly that of the husband and wife. 2. Have learned more from God’s Word about His design for the roles of husband and wife. 3. Have made a commitment to live out God’s design for your family through your given role. Men and women are different by God’s design. Their differences are meant to complement each other, not to compete or to clash. “The highest happiness on earth is marriage. Every man who is happily married is a successful man even if he has failed in everything else.” — William Lyon Phelps I. INTRODUCTION ACTIVITY #1: TRUE or FALSE If the statement is “True”, stand up and be counted. If “False” remains seated. 1. Roles do not imply superiority, inferiority, or inequality. Men and women are equal. 2. Roles in the family are determined by God. 3. Roles in the family are influenced by the media and society esp. from what we see or experience in our present culture. 4. Roles are necessary for effectiveness in accomplishing God’s purpose. 5. Roles are needed for harmony in the family. 6. Roles are needed for “role modeling.” 7. When God-given roles are not fulfilled in the family, there is a long-term negative impact on the children. 8. When God-given roles are not fulfilled in the family, the children are prone to gender confusion (homosexuality and lesbianism). 9. The family should be a positive influence in the communities where they live through living out their God-given roles. 10. When each member of the family is living out the roles they are given, then God is most glorified in their lives. ANSWER: 7
II. GOD-GIVEN ROLES OF THE HUSBAND AND WIFE A. The Role of a Husband ACTIVITY #2: Small Group Discussions 1. Find your small group. 2. In your small group, look up the following passages. 3. Discuss: • How is the husband’s role described? • What is he responsible for? • What happens if he does not fulfill his role? 4. Summarize the discussion of each passage in one word or a phrase. 5. Share the summary with the whole group. • 1 Timothy 3:2-4 • Ephesians 5:23-29 • 1 Peter 3:7 • Romans 5:8 • 1 Corinthians 11:3 • Mark 10:42-45 SUMMARY: The Role of the Husband B. The Role of a Wife ACTIVITY #3: Small Group Discussion 1. In your small group, look up the following passages. 2. Discuss: How is the wife’s role described? What is the wife responsible for? What happens if she does not fulfill her role? 3. Summarize the discussion of each passage in one word or a phrase. 4. Share the summary with the whole group. • Genesis 2:18 • Proverbs 31:10-12 • Titus 2:4-5 • Ephesians 5:22-24, 33 • 1 Peter 3:1-4 SUMMARY: The Role of the Wife 8
III. PERSONAL ASSESSMENTS ACTIVITY #4: Reflection Alone or with a Partner 1. Examine the charts on the next page alone or with a partner. 2. Make the necessary comments on the right side of the charts. 3. In what areas have you violated God’s role for you as a husband or as a wife? 4. Confess to God the areas of violation. Ask for forgiveness from God and from your spouse. 5. If at some point, you both need help on how to obey God in these areas, seek the counsel of a spiritual leader. A. The Role of the Husband GOD’S DESIGN FOR THE HUSBAND AM I FULFILLING MY GOD-GIVEN ROLES? NOT AT ALL A FEW TIMES MOST OF THE TIME 1 Servant Leader Ephesians 5:23 1 Cointhians. 11:3 Do I serve and not lord over my wife? Do I exercise authority with humility and compassion? 2 Responsible to God as a Leader 1 Timothy 3: 2-4 Do I lead my family spiritually? Do I take the initiative to improve? Do I set core values for the family? Do I plan ahead and set directions? 3 Understand the Wife 1 Peter 3:7 Do I see my wife as delicate? Do I honor her by understanding her fears and anxieties, and help her fulfill her dreams in life? Do I appreciate her and compliment her? 4 Provider 1 Timothy 5:8 Am I responsible for the financial welfare of my family? Do I provide not only my family’s physical needs but also emotional and spiritual needs? 5 Protect the Wife Ephesians 5:27-29 Do I protect my wife from danger, harm, temptations, and from all possible problems? Does she feel safe with me? 6 Love the Wife Ephesians 5:25-29 Romans 5:8 Do I love my wife like Jesus loves the church – unconditionally, in a nourishing way? Do I cherish her, and love her as she is, regardless of the circumstances? Do we fulfill each other's sexual needs? 9
B. The Role of the Wife IV. POINTERS: 3 Ps 1. Path Your family is on a journey to become more Christ-like. A journey needs a map for directions, if you want to have a godly family, it’s not easy and you need a map for that – the Bible. 2. Progress Every family is a work in progress. Progress means that it doesn’t happen in an instant. Along the journey, sometimes we will have arguments and get irritated with each other. We can ask ourselves and each other, “Am I a better person today than I was last year?”, “Am I becoming a better father, a better mother, a better brother/sister, a better son/ daughter?” We are not yet perfect, but we are progressing towards Christlikeness. We should evaluate ourselves and see to it that we are growing and becoming more like Christ every day. 3. Practice Practice what you have learned and be consistent in doing it. Don’t be discouraged if your family is not yet what it’s supposed to be. Just continue and be faithful with what God has called you to do. Start today by reading your notes and sharing them to your family: spouse and kids. GOD’S DESIGN FOR THE WIFE AM I FULFILLING MY GOD-GIVEN ROLES? NOT AT ALL A FEW TIMES MOST OF THE TIME 1 Helpmate Genesis 2:18 Am I a life-giver, coming alongside my husband? Do I help, assist, support and encourage my husband? Do my children see that I prioritize him? 2 House Manager Titus 2:4-5 Do I joyfully work at home under his authority prioritizing the needs of my family? 3 Submit Ephesians 5:22-24 1 Peter 3:1-4 Do I submit voluntarily to my husband as to the Lord in everything with a gentle and quiet spirit? Do I follow and support his leadership with respect? 4 Respect Ephesians 5:33 Do I honor him in my heart and show it in my actions? Do I speak to him in a respectful manner, watching my body language and words? 5 Fulfill his Sexual Needs 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 Do we fulfill each other's sexual needs? Do I seek to look my best? 10
V. TAKE AWAY A. “I will … “ From our session today, what will you commit to do as a result of learning about your role in the family as husband or wife? What will you stop doing, continue doing and start doing? Make sure your “I will …” is SMART. S: Specific M: Measurable A: Appropriate R: Relevant T: Time Bound B. Discuss with your husband or wife the result of your personal assessment. VI. PRAYER “Love is an unconditional commitment towards an imperfect person for their highest good which often requires sacrifice.” — Dr. Peter Tanchi 11 💡 Additional Insights Different churches and organizations take different perspectives on the proper roles of the husband and wife in families. These include: Biblical Patriarchy: This view interprets the Bible as endorsing a hierarchical structure where men have primary authority over women in family, church, and society. It extends male authority to all aspects of life, including civil governance. Complementarianism: Found in certain Christian denominations, this view asserts that men and women have different yet complementary roles in marriage, family, and religious leadership. It emphasizes equality in value and dignity, with husbands typically viewed as the heads of households practicing "servant leadership," and wives supporting and nurturing their families, as outlined in scriptures like Ephesians 5:22-33. Egalitarianism: This view advocates for the principle that all individuals should have equal rights, opportunities, and treatment, irrespective of gender, race, socioeconomic status, or other characteristics. These perspectives represent varied interpretations and beliefs concerning gender roles within religious and societal settings. It is important for us to acknowledge these differences and respect the viewpoints of others.
SESSION 3 THE ROLE OF PARENTS Student’s Notes LEARNING OUTCOMES: In this session, you will: 1. Examine biblical passages on parenting. 2. You will commit to improve parenting practices. I. INTRODUCTION SHARE: Parents play a very important role in the spiritual development of their children. That is why parents need to know the goals of parenting according to God’s will. The lessons or truths that you will learn here are unique because these are based on the Bible and have been proven to work. II. GOD’S WORDS ON PARENTING A. It is a sacred trust. Proverbs 22:6 Psalm 78:4-8 Ephesians 6:4 Judges 2:7-8, 10-12 1 Samuel 1:3; 2:12; 3:13 1 Kings 2:27 B. Parents are to pass on a godly heritage. Psalm 78:5-7 C. Parents are to help their children honor God by growing in Christlikeness. Proverbs 22:6 Galatians 4:19 D. Parents are to train their children. Proverbs 22:6 E. Parents are to develop their children’s full potential – physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. Luke 2:52 F. Parents are not to exasperate their children. Colossians 3:21 G. Parents are to prepare their children to face the challenges of the world. Romans 12:2 ACTIVITY #1: Small Group Discussions 1. Get into a group of 5. 2. Have each one look up the following passages: Ephesians 6:4 Judges 2:7-8, 10-12 1 Samuel 1:3; 2:12; 3:13 1 Kings 2:27 12
3. Discuss: • What does “sacred trust" mean? • How is this sacred trust demonstrated in the life of Joshua? • What happened to the sons of Eli? 4. Summarize the discussion. 5. Share the summary with the whole group. ACTIVITY #2: Small Group Discussion 1. In the same small group, look up Psalm 78:5-7. 2. Discuss: How do you pass on a “godly heritage”? To whom? 3. Summarize your answers. 4. Share the summary with the whole group. ACTIVITY #3: Share with a Partner 1. Find a partner. 2. Share some ideas on how you can help your children honor God by growing in Christlikeness. Proverbs 22:6, Galatians 4:19 ACTIVITY #4: Small Group Discussion 1. In your small group, look up Luke 2:52 2. Discuss: • How must parents develop their children’s full potential – physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually? • Use the indicated passage as well as what you learned from the previous sessions. 3. Summarize the discussion. 4. Share the summary with the whole group III. POINTERS: 3Ps We close this session with some pointers: 1. Path Your family is on a journey to become more Christ-like. A journey needs a map for directions, if you want to have a godly family, it’s not easy and you need a map for that – the Bible. 2. Progress Every family is a work in progress. Progress means that it doesn’t happen in an instant. Along the journey, sometimes we will have arguments and get irritated with each other. We can ask ourselves and each other, “Am I a better person today than I was last year?”, “Am I becoming a better father, a better mother, a better brother/sister, a better son/ daughter?” We are not yet perfect, but we are progressing towards Christlikeness. We should evaluate ourselves and see to it that we are growing and becoming more like Christ every day. 3. Practice Practice what you have learned and be consistent in doing it. Don’t be discouraged if your family is not yet what it’s supposed to be. Just continue and be faithful with what God has called you to do. Start today by reading your notes and sharing them with your family: spouse and kids. 13
IV. TAKE AWAY A. “I will … “ From our session today, what will you commit to do as a result of learning about your role as a parent? What will you stop doing, continue doing and start doing? Make sure your “I will …” is SMART. S: Specific M: Measurable A: Appropriate R: Relevant T: Time Bound Share with your family all that you have learned in this session. V. PRAYER 14 💡 Additional Insights The ideal principles of parenting are anchored in God's Word while guiding believers with a perspective rooted in faith and trust in God's guidance. Encourage parents to earnestly pray for their children, recognizing that the Lord leads each child uniquely. Highlight that while our efforts focus on nurturing and guiding, our ultimate confidence rests in God's sovereign plan. Even if children wander or face challenges, our faith remains steadfast in the belief that God's purposes will prevail. This teaching cultivates a community where parents draw strength from their faith, assured of God's victory, even amid uncertainties.
WHAT TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN, Part 1 HANDOUT #1 Condensed from CCF GLC 8 Godly parents are to teach and discipline their children in the way of the Lord so that they will grow into Christlikeness. The main responsibility of parents is to provide biblical instructions to their children so that they can live blessed and fruitful lives. I. ABOUT THEMSELVES: IDENTITY AND SELF-WORTH “If our identity is in our work, rather than Christ, success will go to our heads, and failure will go to our hearts.” — Timothy Keller A. God sees them as special and precious. • Psalm 139:14 • The Bible tells us that Jesus paid with His life. You are precious. You are valuable because God paid for you with the life of His Son. B. God has a wonderful plan for them. Jeremiah 29:11 C. They are to develop God-confidence and not self-confidence. Philippians 4:13 D. God wants them to be thankful. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 E. Thank God for the unchangeable: 1. Parents 2. Brothers/Sisters 3. Gender (Male or Female) 4. Birth order (Eldest, Youngest, etc.) 5. Race (Cultural) 6. Physical features 7. Birth: Time in history F. God wants them to be responsible for their choices. Galatians 6:7-10 1. Choices have consequences. They are free to choose, but not free to escape the consequences of their choice. 2. The consequences are not always immediate (long term or short term). 3. The choices they make will impact their future. 4. The vision of the future should impact their present choices. 5. The 3 most important choices they will make: • Master • Mate • Mission 15
II. ABOUT FAMILY A. They should value and spend time with their family. (John 15:12). The Bible tells us to love one another. Our first ‘one another’ is our family member. B. They should treat family members with respect. (Matthew 7:12) C. They should forgive each other. (Ephesians 4:32) D. Make forgiveness a culture in our families. We are going to disappoint each other, willingly or unwillingly. They should become givers, not takers; to serve and not to be served. (Philippians 2:4) E. They should invest in the lives of other family members. Spend quality time with them. (1 Tim 5:1-2, Matthew 6:21) F. The way they treat their family members is how they will treat their future family and others. (1 Timothy 5:1-2) III. ABOUT FRIENDS A. Their friends will influence them either positively or negatively. (1 Corinthians 15:33) B. They are to choose their friends as they can be influenced by them. (Proverbs 13:20) C. Friends will leave them, but they will live with their decisions and the consequences of their choices. 5 Freedoms: Blessings of not having a boyfriend or girlfriend until they are ready to get married. a. Freedom from distraction. b. Freedom from unnecessary pain. c. Freedom from isolation. d. Freedom to develop God’s gift and pursue God’s will. e. Freedom from immorality and its consequences. The importance of pyramid. Every family should understand the importance of priority. Parents should make sure that their children understand that God is number one, their family is number two, their studies or responsibilities is number three, and their friends are last. What to do if you do not approve of their friends: • Do not attack their friends. • Get to know their friends. • Open your house as a place for them to invite their friends over. Focus on intimacy rather than using intimidation to influence your children. • Try to positively influence their friends. • Let your children know you are on their side. 16
IV. ABOUT COURTSHIP A. Difference between Dating and Courtship 1. In modern dating, you usually hide all your faults to give a false impression about yourself, so that your partner will like you. 2. Recreational dating is about self-gratification - you date to satisfy your own desires – your desire for companionship, affirmation and love. 3. Intimacy is often practiced before commitment. B. Principles of Courtship: 1. Parents should teach their children to: a. Be the person God wants you to be. b. Be able to support a family for the men and women. c. Serve with other Christian singles in groups. d. Be aware of the qualities to look for in a future spouse. e. Involve your family and friends in group date settings. 2. Consider some qualities: a. Loves God. b. Loves others. c. Hardworking d. Eager to serve e. Has good E.Q. f. Trustworthy – integrity g. Disciplined h. Not materialistic C. Guidelines of Courtship: 1. Pray for God’s best. 2. Be proactive (for the men). 3. Be observant of the people in the Christian groups that you know. 4. Be courageous to approach the person you are interested in (for men). 5. Be approachable, friendly and responsive. 6. Get your parents and family’s opinion and approval. 7. Be intentional in getting to know each other. 8. Pray specifically for God’s will in your relationship. 9. Get the opinion of your spiritual leader and family members - parents. 10. Get the approval of your parents for marriage. 11. If you have God’s confirmation and parents’ approval, then get engaged. Engagement should be short. 12. Guard your purity during this time for you are more vulnerable to temptation. Pray for your children. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 The Bible says that we should pray without ceasing. The reason why you need to pray for your children is because of the spiritual component of every human being. 1. There’s a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every person including our children. Only God can fill that void and emptiness in us. 2. Children are not just physical beings. They are also emotional and spiritual beings. “When we work, we work; when we pray, God works.” 17
Children Learn What They Live by Dorothy Nolte If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence. If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate. If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world. 18 💡 Additional Insights On Biblical Courtship: While the Bible does not provide explicit guidelines for courtship, it is evident that some biblical marriages were arranged by their families with divine intervention from God. When we draw principles found throughout Scripture, we can develop a solid framework for courtship. Courtship, rooted in the biblical values of love, romance, sacrifice, dignity, and covenant, offers guidelines for how two individuals can initiate a journey that may eventually lead to marriage. On Cultural Courtship: In Filipino traditional courtship, a man approaches a woman with subtlety and friendliness. They begin with casual group outings and may later have private dates discreetly. If they choose to make their relationship public, they must inform their families and friends. It is important for the man to visit the woman's family formally and respectfully introduce himself to her parents to show his sincerity. In Filipino culture, starting a courtship without involving the woman's family is seen as disrespectful. One must consider the norms where cultural values are encouraged in terms of courtship and dating. On Virtual Dating and Courtship. It is crucial to guide our congregants with wisdom and care regarding online dating. Encourage them to engage intentionally and purposefully, ensuring their approach aligns with their values and faith journey. Stress the importance of caution and safety, advising them to prioritize public meetings and share personal information cautiously. Discuss the significance of establishing healthy boundaries— emotional, physical, and spiritual—and seeking accountability from their parents, trusted friends or mentors. Remind believers that the guidelines mentioned regarding courtship are recommendations; ultimately, each couple has the autonomy to determine their path forward.
WHAT TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN, Part 2 The World, God, and Why We Believe What We Believe In HANDOUT #2 Condensed from CCF GLC 8 Godly parents are to teach and discipline their children in the way of the Lord so that they will grow into Christlikeness. The main responsibility of parents is to provide biblical instructions to their children so that they can live blessed and fruitful lives. I. ABOUT MONEY Number of times the Bible talk about the following: Pray - 371x Believe - 275x Love - 714x Giving - 2,162x Money, possessions - 2,350x Money is not the most important thing, but it is very important in one’s life. And how we deal with money reflects the heart. A. God owns everything; we are stewards, not owners. Psalm 24:1 B. We have to work hard. 2 Thessalonians 3:10 C. We are to learn contentment. 1 Timothy 6:6 D. We are to be faithful in tithing. Malachi 3:10 E. We are to be generous in giving. (Tithing is not yet giving. Giving is over and above tithing.) 2 Corinthians 9:6-8 F. We are to avoid borrowing. Proverbs 22:7 Romans 13:8 Please adjust the table to a smaller amount per month – maybe P100 and P200 per month “Make as much money as you can, save as much as you can and give as much as you can.” Teach your children how to save: Compounding interest If you start saving at 20 years old… 19
II. ABOUT THE WORLD Christians are in the world but are not to be conformed to the world, therefore children must learn… A. Do not to be conformed to the world. Romans 12:2 B. Stand up for Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:9 “If you have to be wrong to be in the team, you’re in the wrong team.” — Chuck Swindoll C. Do not love the world but influence the world. Matthew 5:13–14, 16 We are to be the salt and light of this world. III. ABOUT GOD “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” — A.W. Tozer Our view of God affects our entire life. It is not enough to believe in God, our children should learn who God is, and how He wants us to live. A. W. Tozer says that we are all theologians in our own right. The only difference is whether you are a good or bad theologian. We either have good theology or bad theology. All of us right now have a concept of who God is. For example: If you are tempted to spread gossip about a colleague, your values will influence your choice. If you believe in kindness and trust that maintaining a positive environment is important, you will refrain from gossiping. However, if your commitment to these values is weak, you might compromise and choose to spread rumors. Another example: If you believe that God is everywhere, and sees everything, if you are tempted to have sex outside of marriage, or to rob a bank, you will not do it. You know that God is watching and that He knows everything that we do. Will you rob a bank, knowing that tomorrow your face will be flashed in the newspaper or be in the TV headlines? Will you commit immorality knowing what’s going to happen to you the next day? It’s all about theology – our understanding of who God is. Let’s look at several of the key attributes (characteristics) of God. A. God is good. • Psalm 136:1 • Romans 8:28 We don’t judge God based on what happens to us. We judge what happens to us based on who God is. God is good, and when something bad happens, we will not question God because God is good. We should ask, “what is God teaching me?” or “what is His plan in this situation?” rather than “why is this happening to me?” 20
B. God is love. • John 3:16 • Romans 8:32 So, if God loves us and He allows bad things to happen to us, what do we do? In times of trouble, we must remember what the Bible said, “He who did not spare His own son, delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?” (Romans 8:32). C. God is omniscient. • Psalm 139:2–4, 6 Omniscient means all knowing. We must believe that God knows everything. If He knows everything, we can trust that He knows what is best for us. D. God is sovereign. • Psalm 135:6 • Luke 1:37 • Romans 8:28-29 Whatever the Lord pleases, He does. The Bible tells us nothing is impossible with God. There are no accidents in the lives of God’s children. God is almighty and He has the power to bring about what He wants to happen. “We know God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28). God is good, but the goodness of God does not exempt us from trials. During trials, God is going to accomplish His purpose and that purpose is to make us more like Jesus (Rom. 8:29). We may not know how His good plan will happen. But we know His plan will work out for our good. E. God is holy. • 1 John 1:5 • 1 Peter 1:16 The word ‘holy’ simply means that God is absolutely pure. He has no evil intention. The Bible tells us that “…God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.” We can trust God completely. Satan’s strategy in the Garden of Eden was to tell Eve that God was not after their best interest. That God is not good because God did not want them to eat the fruit. God is depriving them of something that’s good for them. We can see that those are the kind of temptations that our children will also face. But because God is holy we know that God will never do anything against His holy nature. His intention is always good. F. Jesus is the coming Judge and King. • Romans 14:11–12 Ultimately, we are all accountable to God. It is futile and counter-productive to blame other people for our behavior. It is common today to blame others rather than taking responsibility for our decisions in life. We may blame the church, church leaders, other Christians, etc. when they do not live up to our expectations. Or we may say, everyone else is doing it, so it must be OK. 21
But at the end of the day, you are accountable to God. Each one of us will give an account of ourselves to God, and that is very sobering. It gets us on the straight path. Let us teach our children that He is coming again. G. God is a rewarder. • Hebrews 11:6 “Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” Why will we seek God if we don’t believe that He is a rewarder? We have to live with eternity in view. Live with eternal perspective, and don’t be afraid of problems. As parents, we must model faith in God to our children to help train them on how they will face trials in the future. We cannot have faith in God if we don’t know Him. If we don’t believe God properly, why would we commit our lives to Him? Our children watch us on how we analyze situations and how we deal with disappointments and problems. In situations like when you are fussy, when you are throwing a tantrum before God, your children will look at you. When parents do those things, they are telling their children that God is bad. Modeling about your relationship with God is everything. IV. WHY WE BELIEVE WHAT WE BELIEVE Our beliefs are based on the Bible. The Bible is our sole rule of faith and conduct. Many people today do not believe that the Bible and Christianity is true. But we can have confidence in the Bible because there is good evidence to do so. Here are some reasons we can have confidence in the Bible: A. Archaeology 1. Ebla Tablets Many people have questioned the accuracy of the book of Genesis. One specific issue was the five cities mentioned in Genesis 14 when Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed. Many historians doubted the story of Sodom and Gomorrah because they had not been mentioned in any existing archeological findings. Many people laughed at the Bible because there was no archeological support for one of the most prominent stories of Genesis. Then they discovered the Ebla tablets in Syria. These tablets date back more than 4,000 years ago to between 2000 and 2500 B.C. This is the most well preserved library in the whole ancient world — a library of transactions between the city of Ebla and its 22
surrounding neighbors. 15,000 tablets were discovered perfectly preserved in clay that had been baked when the city was burned. Several of the tablets mentioned Sodom, Gomorrah, Adma, Zeboim and Bela. This is exactly according to the sequence of the book of Genesis 2. Dead Sea Scrolls Another great archeological discovery is the Dead Sea scrolls. These scrolls were discovered in 1947 in the Qumran Caves. They are ancient manuscripts preserved for thousands of years that contained all the books of the Old Testament except the book of Esther. For years skeptics believed that Old Testament prophecies were written after the events they describe. But when they discovered the Dead Sea Scrolls, they found many texts that were dated long before their New Testament fulfillment. For instance, they found a 24-foot-long scroll of the entire Book of Isaiah in Qumran. They checked Isaiah 53, the amazing prophecy about the death of Christ, and it was almost exactly the same as our present Bible. Of the 166 letters in the chapter, only 17 letters were slightly different – including 10 due to differences in spelling, 4 due to writing style. Only 3 letters were actually different, none of which changed the meaning of Isaiah 53. This is conclusive evidence that Isaiah prophesied accurately the things that would take place in the life of Jesus more than 700 years later! 3. Erastus Inscription People used to question the Bible because they believed that there is no such title as a ‘City Treasurer’. They claim that there is no such person called ‘Erastus’ as stated in Romans 16:23 and 2 Timothy 4:20, where the Apostle Paul talks about ‘Erastus the City Treasurer’. However, if you go to Corinth today, you will see that there is an archeological find with an inscription of ‘Erastus, City Treasurer’. 23
A. Reliability of the text of the Bible Some people have doubted the accuracy of the Bible because of what they read in fictional literature like The Da Vinci Code. Yet the Bible is by far the most well documented and accurate ancient book. Compare the Bible to other historical books that are universally recognized by the world – Iliad by Homer, Republic by Plato, History by Pliny. Let’s just look at one famous book, ‘History’ by Herodotus. It was written between 480-425 BC. The earliest copy we have of ‘History’ is from 900 AD. That is 1400 years after it was written. There are only 8 copies of “History” from the ancient world. Yet no serious historian questions the accuracy of Herodotus’ ‘History’. Compare that to the New Testament. Most of it was written between 48 A.D. and 70 A.D., with the final books, John and Revelation perhaps 90 A.D. The earliest fragments of the New Testament are from 130 A.D. It is just 80 years after the first New Testament book was written. The earliest copy was found less than a generation after it was written. And we have 24,000 copies of those manuscripts. These are just a few pieces of evidence of the accuracy of the Bible as demonstrated by archeology. We see that up to this day, there has been no archeological finding that can be demonstrated to contradict the Bible, whether places, characters or events. B. Prophecies Isaiah 46:9-10 God tells us that He is going to make known what will happen before it happens so that we will know that He is God. If we compare the religious literature of the other major religions (Hinduism, Islam, and Buddhism), there are no prophecies that have come true. This is because no one could give prophecies that are accurate unless that person is from God. The Bible says that if 90% of a person’s prophecies come true, that person is a false prophet. The prophet is not from Him because God will never make a mistake. The test of prophecy is that it must be 100% accurate. BOOK AUTHOR WHEN IT WAS WRITTEN 1ST COPY TIME SPAN # OF MSS Iliad Homer 900 BC 400 BC 500 years 643 History Pliny 61-113 AD 850 AD 750 years 7 Republic Plato 437-347 BC 900 AD 1200 years 7 Metaphysics Aristotle 384-322 BC 1100 AD 1400 years 49 History Herodotus 480-425 BC 900 AD 1300 years 8 New Testament 48 AD 130 AD 80 years 24633 24
1. Medo-Persia & Greece Daniel 8:20-22 The Bible spoke about nations and kingdoms. An example would be the Medo-Persia and the Greek Empire. The Greek empire conquered the Medo-Persian empire 200 years after the prophecy of Daniel. Isaiah, Jeremiah and Daniel all prophesied that the Medes and the Persians would overtake the Babylonian Empire. – Isaiah 13:17-18, Jeremiah 51:28, Jeremiah 51:11. This also took place years after the prophets lived. Only Daniel was alive when the fulfillment of the prophecy took place. 2. Alexander the Great Daniel 11:3-4 Daniel prophesies about a king and what would eventually happen to his kingdom. Daniel said of this king that: a. His kingdom will be broken up and divided into four major sections. b. His kingdom will not go to his own descendants. c. Nor according to his own authority. Meaning he has nothing to do with how his kingdom will be passed on because it is not of his authority. d. His sovereignty will be uprooted. Meaning it’s not his desire. It will be taken away from him. The king referred to in the Daniel prophecy was Alexander the Great. After Alexander the Great died, his kingdom was divided among his four generals: General Seleucus, General Ptolemy, General Cassander and General Lysimachus. Just as Daniel prophesied, his kingdom was divided into four parts: Syria, Egypt, Greece, and Asia Minor. When God says something, it is going to happen. There is no other book that comes close to the prophecies of the Bible! 3. Desolation of Egypt Ezekiel 29:9,15 Egypt still exists today. God made a prophecy about Egypt in Ezekiel. God says that He is going to judge Egypt. For many centuries Egypt was a world power. When Abraham went to Egypt the Pyramids were already built. That was how advanced Egypt was. But God says something about Egypt: that it will be the lowest of the 25
kingdoms. It will never again lift itself up above the nations and God shall make them so small that they will not rule over other nations again – verse 15. At one time Egypt was a global superpower. It was technologically advanced. Chariots were invented by the Egyptians along with the paper, medicine, and pyramids. Egypt was advanced before. Other formerly advanced kingdoms, like China today, eventually rise again. But according to this prophecy, Egypt will never be a world power again. How can an advanced civilization slowly go down and never rise again? Because God proclaimed it! But there is still good news for the Egyptians. There is also a prophecy about Egypt that one day they will come to God! 4. Israel Ezekiel 36:10-11 Isaiah 66:8 We also believe the Bible because its prophecy about Israel came to pass. In Ezekiel 36, God talks about how He will restore Israel. He will convert the waste places and it will be rebuilt. We must understand that Israel lost its territory. It lost its identity as a nation for 2000 years. Can you show any other nation that no longer has any territory, no flag, no constitution, nothing for two thousand years, and then suddenly it became a nation again? We don’t see any parallel except Israel alone. Some Filipinos when they go to the States, after one generation, they will forget their language. You will meet Filipinos there that no longer speak Tagalog. One single generation, and they forget their language. But Israel today, even after two thousand years had passed, had the same language. If you can read the Hebrew language, it is the same language of the Bible. And the Bible tells us that they will become very fruitful. If you read all the prophecies from the book of Ezekiel and Isaiah, you will be amazed because Israel is now the fruit capital of Asia. Do you realize that we import our bananas from Israel? The bananas we have and the seedlings, they come from Israel. How can God bless a nation so small? Israel is so tiny that you can cross the whole country in a plane in less than 20 minutes. And yet look at Israel today militarily and scientifically. The surrounding nations will try to destroy them but God says it will not be destroyed. In fact God made a promise, those who will bless Israel will be blessed, those who curse Israel will be cursed. And that’s why we praise God because Israel became a nation in one day. The Bible says, “Who has heard such a thing, who has seen such a thing can a land be born in one day?” (Isaiah 66:8). Israel was born on May 14, 1948 through the Philippine vote. 26
D. Prophecies about Jesus Christ The details of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection prophesied in the Old Testament are too detailed and accurate to have happened by chance. These too are evidence that faith in Christ and in the Bible are justified. There was a mathematician by the name of Dr. Peter Stone, a Christian, who was the Chairman of the Mathematics Department at Pasadena City College, Chairman of the Science Division in Westmont College, among others. He made a statistical analysis of the probability of the key prophecies about Jesus from the Old Testament coming true in the life of one person. To better appreciate this statistical analysis, we can compare it to playing a dice. The probability that the number 6 will appear when you roll a dice is 1 out of 6. But the probability of getting the same number when you roll the dice for a second time is 1 out of 36, and so on and so forth. It gets harder every time. In Jesus’ case, Stoner said in his study that the probability of Jesus fulfilling all the key prophecies of the Old Testament is like filling the whole of the Philippines with coins up to more than one meter high, marking one of the coins, and then throwing it randomly somewhere in the country. You would then be allowed to travel anywhere you wanted in the country, choose any coin you wanted – just one! – and you have to pick the marked coin on the first try. It is impossible! All of these prophecies cannot happen unless God is involved! E. Jesus’ Death and Resurrection. The most important event in history, and the basis for our faith in Christ, is the resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:3-8). The word ‘protos’ which was translated as ‘first importance’ means that it is of highest importance. What is the highest thing that Paul delivers to the Corinthians? It is that Christ died for our sins, not only that He died but He was buried to prove that He died and that He was raised on the third day. And in the following verses, it says that He appeared to His disciples, to so many people, to the twelve, to more than 500, at one time He appeared to James, to all the apostles and last of all He also appeared to Paul. OLD TESTAMENT NEW TESTAMENT Born in Bethlehem Micah 5:2 Luke 2:4 Born of a virgin Isaiah 7:4 Matthew 1:22-23 Descendants of David 2 Samuel 7:11-16 Matthew 1:1 Betrayed for 30 pcs. of silver Zechariah 11:12 Matthew 26:15 Crucified, pierced Psalm 22:16 Matthew 27:35 Dividen his garments Psalm 22:18 Matthew 27:35 Buried in a rich man’s tomb Isaiah 53:9 Matthew 27:57-60 Resurrected Psalm 16:10 Matthew 28 27
The resurrection of Christ is crucial. Take note that when Paul talked about Jesus appearing to more than 500, he was talking about an incident that happened recently enough that most people were still alive. What Paul is saying is that the Corinthians can still interview these witnesses because at the time Paul wrote his letter to the Corinthians, the people to whom Jesus appeared were still alive. They can verify if what Paul said about Jesus’ resurrection is true by talking to these witnesses. The Bible was written in the lifetime of those eyewitnesses. Skeptics often refuse to believe in the resurrection because they are closed-minded. They refuse to look at the evidence. The evidence about Christ’s resurrection is something you need to study. The most famous lawyer in the world during his day was Sir Lionel Luckhoo. He is the most successful lawyer in history according to the Guinness Book of World Records. He holds the record of 245 consecutive murder acquittals. He never lost a case. He was even knighted twice by the Queen of England. One day somebody asked him, ‘Why don’t you prove that the resurrection did not happen and so we can forget Christianity.’ He said, ‘I never thought about it’. He was not a Christian. He studied the evidence. And this was his conclusion: “I say unequivocally that the evidence for the resurrection. of Jesus Christ is so overwhelming that it compels acceptance by proof which leaves absolutely no room for doubt.” — Sir Lionel Luckhoo Sir Lionel Luckhoo became a follower of Jesus. We believe because we know for a fact, through studying the evidence, that Jesus died and He rose again. If Jesus did not rise from the dead, we can forget Christianity and everything’s a joke. But He really died and rose again, and it is the most important thing. Attorney Simon Greenleaf is an American lawyer and jurist who authored the classic ‘A Treatise On The Law Of Evidence’. In 1833, Greenleaf was named to the Royal professorship, and in 1846 succeeded Judge Joseph Story as Dane professor of law at Harvard University. Greenleaf contributed extensively to the development of Harvard Law School. He was highly educated but he was not a Christian. One day his student asked him; ‘ Sir, why don’t you prove that Jesus Christ did not rise again from the dead.’ So Greenleaf took the challenge. And this is his conclusion. “The resurrection is one of the best documented events in the history of man.” — Simon Greenleaf Jesus existed. He is a historical man and there’s evidence of His existence. His birth and death even mark our present calendars – B.C. and A.D. The only question today in people’s minds is whether He died and rose again from the dead. You can put your faith in Jesus. His resurrection can be defended, as affirmed by the experts and ultimately the Bible. Belief in Jesus has changed the lives of countless people, and it will change your life. As the Apostle Paul writes, “If Christ has not been raised, your faith is worthless; you are still in your sins. If we have hope in Christ in this life only, we have all men most to be pitied.” 1 Corinthians 15, 17, 19-20. Christ has indeed been raised from the dead! Do you now understand why you believe or don’t believe? Do you believe with all your heart that Jesus died for all your sins and He rose again from the dead? 28
In conclusion, we need to teach our children that our faith is based on good evidence. In spite of the many attacks on the truth of Christianity, our faith is true based on solid evidence. We should not be afraid to allow our children to ask tough questions about their faith. We should help them study to see that the Bible is the inspired Word of God, and Jesus did rise from the dead. Help them learn the reality of who Jesus is so that they will also follow Him. 29 💡 Additional Insights Emphasize that God's goodness remains steadfast, even amidst challenges. Christian parenting and education find their foundation in God Himself. Every aspect of parenting and education should derive from Him and be directed toward Him. He is the starting point, the ultimate goal, and the central focus of how children are raised, educated, and disciplined. The principles, structure, and molding of parenting and education all stem from God. Above all, children should be taught to keep God at the center of their thoughts about family.
SESSION 4 HOW TO INFLUENCE YOUR CHILDREN Student’s Notes LEARNING OUTCOMES: In this session, you will: 1. Discover your style of parenting. 2. Understand why parenting must focus on the heart. 3. Learn some about the 8 Laws of Parenting. 4. Discuss in small groups how to apply the MOTIVATE principles in your style of parenting. CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE By: Dorothy Law Nolte If children live with criticism, They learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, They learn to fight. If children live with ridicule, They learn to be shy. If children live with shame, They learn to feel guilty. If children live with tolerance, They learn to be patient. If children live with encouragement, They learn confidence. If children live with praise, They learn to appreciate. If children live with fairness, They learn justice. If children live with security, They learn to have faith. If children live with approval, They learn to like themselves. If children live with acceptance and friendship, They learn to find love in the world. I. INTRODUCTION 30
II. DIFFERENT STYLES OF PARENTING STYLE of PARENTING DEFINITION A OVER - PROTECTIVE Though the intention is to protect the children from harm and ensure their success, the effort can be misguided. Result: Overprotection can hinder a child’s development, leading to issues like anxiety, lack of coping skills, social phobia, fear of failure, depression, low self- esteem, and even delinquency. B CHILD - CENTRIC Everything revolves around the child. It puts the decision-making not on the parents but solely on the child. This spoils the child. Result: entitled, narcissistic children who lack the capacity to persevere and cope with difficulty. C PEER The parent tries to be the child’s best friend. The parent exercises no authority over the child. Result: Parents lose their children’s respect. D PASSIVE There is a lack of firm boundaries and limited guidance, allowing children to make many decisions independently. This style may involve minimal intervention in children’s routines and behaviors. Result: Children are lazy. E DICTATORIAL Dictatorial parenting deals with low parental receptiveness and high parental demand, and the parent tends to demand obedience without explanation. Result: Children often have less social competence, develop insecurities, display anti-social behavior, or eventually rebel. F ABUSIVE Parents who harm their children physically, emotionally, or sexually by action or inaction, not meeting a child’s basic needs, neglecting their education, and denying them proper medical care, often in the name of discipline. Result: Children do not trust their parents. Children grow up with impaired functioning, unhealthy relationships, emotional numbness, rebellion, and an increased risk of anxiety, depression and addiction. Some survivors may decide not to have children for fear of perpetuating the cycle of abuse. Neglect can cause similar functional impairment as well as global distress, worries about the future, and various co-occurring physical and mental health problems. G HEART Parenting the heart of your child is a God given calling to shepherd your child under God’s authority. It involves working from the behavior you see back to the heart, exposing heart issues for your children. It also requires using God's plan for human development, to assess your children's maturity stage and help them move to the next level. The goal is to help children understand life from God’s perspective and become morally mature people who make good decisions when no one is looking. Result: The child grows loving and knowing God, obeying His Word, honoring the parents, and becoming more and more like Christ. 31
Spectrum of Involvement This is a spectrum of involvement when it comes to parenting. Some parents are just absent; physically or emotionally. Some parents are just passive while others are balanced. Some parents are controlling, and some are over-controlling. ACTIVITY #1: SHARE with a PARTNER • What level of involvement do you have with your children? • How can you specifically apply the “heart” parenting style in your family? • What would you stop doing, continue doing and start doing to influence them positively, focusing on their hearts? III. HEART: THE FOCUS OF PARENTING ACTIVITY #2: Small Group Discussion 1. Get into your small group. Read. 1 Samuel 16:7 Deuteronomy 6:1-7 2. Discuss why parenting must focus on the heart. THE 8 LAWS OF PARENTING Absentee Passive Balanced Controlling Over-controlling 1 2 3 4 5 MOTIVATE BASIS EXPLANATION M MODELING Deuteronomy 6:5-7 1 Corinthians 11:1 Parents are positive models in all areas of home life so values are copied and caught daily and throughout the child’s life. O OPEN COMMUNICATION James 1:19-20 The child feels safe and comfortable talking about anything. Parents listen with full attention, ask questions for clarification, and ask, “How can I pray for you?” Struggles are shared from both sides without judgment. T TIME Mark 3:14 Parents are available and spend quality time with the kids. Magic moments are seized wherein the children invite the parents into their hearts and share from their hearts. I INTIMACY 1 Corinthians 15:33 Parents develop close, meaningful relationships over time as good communication and intimacy are established. Conflicts are biblically resolved in love. 32
ACTIVITY #3: Small Group Discussion 1. From the above principles what would you stop doing in your parenting style to best apply MOTIVATE? 2. Of the MOTIVATE principles, which would you continue doing and start doing? 3. How will you go about such change? IV. POINTERS: 3 Ps 1. Path You are on a journey to become more Christ-like. A journey needs a map for directions, if you want to have a godly family, it’s not easy and you need a map for that – the Bible. 2. Progress You are a work in progress. Progress means that it doesn’t happen in an instant. Along the journey, sometimes we will have arguments and get irritated with our parents, our siblings or even others. We must ask ourselves and others, “Am I a better person today than I was last year?”, “Am I becoming a better son, a better daughter, a better friend?” We are not yet perfect, but we are progressing towards Christlikeness. We should evaluate ourselves and see to it that we are growing and becoming more like Christ every day. 3. Practice Practice what you have learned and be consistent in doing it. Don’t be discouraged if you seem not improving in fulfilling your role in the family or even with others. Just continue and be faithful with what God has called you to do. Start today by reading your notes and sharing them to your family: parents., siblings, disciples. V. COMMITMENT A. “I will … “ From our session today, what will you commit to do as a result of learning about MOTIVATE? What will you stop doing, continue doing and start doing? V VISION Proverbs 29:18 Jeremiah 29:11 Parents show children the big picture and guide them towards the fulfillment of God’s vision for their lives. Parents see their children not for what they are now but what they can become in Christ. A AFFIRMATION Proverbs 18:21 Ephesians 4:29 Speak positive words with comparisons, labeling, with affirmation, with affection and with love. T TRAINING Proverbs 22:6 Ephesians 6:1-3 Parents train their children to deal with situations that develop into habits from the heart. Obedience is taught based on God’s Word. Parents teach (about God, family, friends, courtship, world, why they believe what they believe) what to do and why and give them time to practice. E ENTREATY (Earnest-plea) Ezekiel 36:26 Parents model prayer as a way of life and teach them that only God can transform their hearts through prayer. 33
Make sure your “I will …” is SMART. S: Specific M: Measurable A: Appropriate R: Relevant T: Time Bound Schedule a time when you can discuss with your family your “I Will”. Make a commitment to deal biblically with issues regarding abuse or other violations of God’s design for husband and wife and parents and children. VI. PRAYER 34 💡 Additional Insights It is important to recognize that while discussions on parenting styles highlight various approaches, many parents often develop their own style influenced by how they were raised. It is essential to be sensitive to this reality. Encourage parents to reflect on their upbringing and its impact on their parenting approach, while also considering biblical principles and guidance. Encourage an environment that respects and supports diverse parenting styles. Offer guidance that emphasizes foundational values such as love, respect, and discipline rooted in Scripture. Encourage open dialogue among parents, promoting understanding and mutual support. Ultimately, provide spiritual guidance that empowers parents to raise their children in ways that honor God and reflect His love.
SESSION 5 THE ROLES OF CHILDREN AND SINGLE ADULTS Student’s Notes LEARNING OUTCOMES: In this session, you will: 1. Have a deeper understanding of the biblical roles of children, youth, and single adults in relation to their parents and siblings. 2. See how you can encourage children, youth, and single adults to make a conscious effort to obey, honor, and serve their parents throughout their lifetime. 3. Make a commitment to set a good example in obeying God as our Father. To have a complete picture of the relationships within the family, let us now turn our attention to the biblical roles of the children, youth and single adults. I. ROLE OF THE CHILDREN ACTIVITY #1: Obedience-Based Bible Study I trust you have gained some experience in using OBBS to understand the biblical passages. 1. Form a small group of 4-5 people to discuss Ephesians 6:1-3 2. Read the passage quietly, individually. Then have someone read the passage. Write down your own version (paraphrase) without missing the key points. 3. Share the answers to the following questions. • What do you like about the passage? • What makes you uncomfortable about the passage? • What does the passage say about how children should relate to their parents? • What are some consequences of not obeying God? • In response, using the “I Will” format, what will you do to obey God this week? Summary: II. ROLE OF SINGLE ADULTS ACTIVITY #2: Reflection Alone or with a Partner 1. Examine the charts on the next page alone or with a partner. 2. Make the necessary comments on the right side of the charts. 3. In what areas have you violated God’s role for you as a single adult? 4. Confess to God the areas of violation. Ask for forgiveness from God and from the person involved. 5. If at some point, you need help on how to obey God in these areas, seek the counsel of a spiritual leader. 35
God’ Call How is My Relationship with God? Need Help Growing Love God Mark 12:30 1 Cor. 7:32-35 1 Cor. 6:18 Do I seek to please Him only? Does He come 1st place in my life? Do I serve Him with undistracted devotion? Do I honor Him with my life? Do I keep myself pure for God’s use? Do I maximize my potential for Him? Love Others Mark 12:31 1 John 4:7 John 13:34-35 2 Corinthians 5:20 Do I love others because I love God? Do I exercise being a blessing to others? Do I pray for others? Do I reach out to others? Do I tell others about the love God has for them through His Son Jesus Christ? Do I help meet the needs of others? Do I help reconcile the lost ones to God? Be a Catalyst Matt. 5:13-14; 28:18-20 Colossians 2:10 2 Peter 1:3 Luke 2:52 1 Thes. 5:11 Am I helping accelerate the process of transformation in people’s lives? Do I help make disciples for Jesus? Do I help equip others to make disciples? Do I see myself capable of helping others because God is giving me all that I need? Do I bless others, see them as more important than myself? 36
God’ Call How is My Relationship with My Siblings and Extended Family? Need Help Growing Love for siblings Matthew 7:12 28:18-20 John 15:12 1 John 4:20 Do I love my siblings unconditionally despite our differences? Do I love them because I love God? Do I think of how I can be a blessing to them? Do I pray for them, reach out to them? Do I tell them about the love God has for them? Do I help meet their needs? Do we resolve our conflicts biblically? Do we help each other grow in Christlikeness? Do we pray together? Do we study God’s Word together? Do we enjoy one another? Extended Family Matthew 7:12 28:18-20 John 15:12 1 John 4:20 Do I love my extended family (cousins, titos and titas, lolos and lolas) unconditionally despite our differences? Do I love them because I love God? Do I think of how I can be a blessing to them? Do I pray for them, reach out to them? Do I tell them about the love God has for them? Do I help meet their needs? Do we resolve our conflicts biblically? Do we help each other grow in Christlikeness? Do we pray together? Do we study God’s Word together? Do we enjoy one another? 37
III. POINTERS: 3 Ps 1. Path You are on a journey to become more Christ-like. A journey needs a map for directions, if you want to have a godly family, it’s not easy and you need a map for that – the Bible. 2. Progress You are a work in progress. Progress means that it doesn’t happen in an instant. Along the journey, sometimes we will have arguments and get irritated with our parents, our siblings or other family members. We must ask ourselves and others, “Am I a better person today than I was last year?”, “Am I becoming a better son, a better daughter, a better cousin, nephew or niece, or apo?” We are not yet perfect, but we are progressing towards Christlikeness. We should evaluate ourselves and see to it that we are growing and becoming more like Christ every day. 3. Practice Practice what you have learned and be consistent in doing it. Don’t be discouraged if you seem not to improve in fulfilling your role in the family or even with others. Just continue and be faithful with what God has called you to do. Start today by reading your notes and sharing them to your family: parents, siblings, extended family members, disciples. IV. TAKE AWAY A. “I will … “ From our session today, what will you commit to doing because of learning about your role as a child or young adult in the family? What will you stop doing, continue doing and start doing? Make sure your “I will …” is SMART. S: Specific M: Measurable A: Appropriate R: Relevant T: Time Bound B. Discuss with your family the result of your personal assessments. 38
V. PRAYER “If you want to become all that God has made you to be, you need a mentor. We need somebody to pull us up to become what God has made us to be. A mentor is somebody who is pouring into your life and pulling you up to make you more like Christ. That’s called the pull factor, but you also need the push factor. You also need somebody in your life that you can mento or disciple, which you can pour life into. When you pour into their lives, your disciples or mentees push you up to become more like Christ.” — CCF GLC Book 7 39 💡 Additional Insights Guide believers with wisdom regarding cultural pressures in the Philippines that emphasize marriage and settling down. While marriage is valued, we should also affirm that choosing single blessedness is a valid option for some. Encourage believers to embrace diverse life choices and to avoid labeling or judging single individuals based on societal norms.
SESSION 6 COMMUNICATION Student’s Notes LEARNING OUTCOMES: In this session, you will: 1. Understand what communication is. 2. Realize the importance of good communication in our relationships with family and with others. 3. Look at some principles of good communication. 4. Make a commitment to improve your communication skills. I. INTRODUCTION 1. Why is Good Communication Important? Good communication is important for healthy relationships. It is very important to relate well with one another – in the workplace, in the ministry, and especially in the family. ACTIVITY #1: Small Group Discussion 1. Get into your small group. 2. Share your ideas why good communication is important. 3. From your experience what happens when there is good communication? What happens when there is no good communication? 4. Dramatize what happens when communication is not good. 5. Tell the big group your summary. SHARE OVERALL SUMMARY: 40
II. HINDRANCES TO GOOD COMMUNICATION ACTIVITY #2: Small Group Discussion 1. Get into your small group again. 2. Share your ideas from experience, what hinders us from good communication? 3. Summarize the ideas. 4. Tell the big group your summary. SUMMARY: III. PRINCIPLES of GOOD COMMUNICATION SHARE: Let’s look at some principles that help achieve proper communication in the family. When followed, these principles can help us deal with conflicts properly. CHART 1 ACTIVITY #3: SHARE with a PARTNER 1. With a partner, look at Chart 1, #2 2. Read and answer, how can we listen more? ACTIVITY #4: Small Group Discussion 1. Form a group of 3 people. 2. Read the passages. 3. Discuss: How can we speak the truth in love? 41 Principles of Good Communication 1. Make time to talk. Schedule a good time. 2. Listen more. James 1:19-20 3. Ask questions. Clarify and be humble. 4. Be a aware of your tone, body language and words. 5. Speak the truth in love. • Ephesians 4:15 • Proverbs 18:21 • Ephesians 4:28
IV. OPEN COMMUNICATION ON VARIOUS LEVELS RELATE Open communication has various levels that people may go through. It is our hope that we will reach the level wherein we can communicate openly who we are in transparent relationships. Below is Chart 2 that shows the various levels. CHART REFLECTION: At home, observe the level/s with which you communicate. How will you improve the level to achieve more openness and closeness? V. POINTERS: 3 Ps 1. Path You are on a journey to become more Christ-like. A journey needs a map for directions, if you want to have a godly family, it’s not easy and you need a map for that – the Bible. 2. Progress You are a work in progress. Progress means that it doesn’t happen in an instant. Along the journey, sometimes we will have arguments and get irritated with our parents, our siblings or even others. We must ask ourselves and others, “Am I a better person today than I was last year?”, “Am I becoming a better son, a better daughter, a better friend?” We are not yet perfect, but we are progressing towards Christlikeness. We should evaluate ourselves and see to it that we are growing and becoming more like Christ every day. 3. Practice Practice what you have learned and be consistent in doing it. Don’t be discouraged if you seem not improving in fulfilling your role in the family or even with others. Just continue and be faithful with what God has called you to do. Start today by reading your notes and sharing them to your family: parents., siblings, disciples. 42 Levels of Open Communication 1. Cliché - sharing things about the temperature, weather, traffic, etc. 2. Fact - sharing facts, what you know. 3. Opinion - Sharing what you think, on certain things or issues. 4. Emotion - sharing what you feel. 5. Transparency - sharing who you are, your fears and anxiety, your dream and ambition in life, etc.
VI. COMMITMENT A. “I will … “ From our session today, what will you commit to do as a result of learning about communication in the family? What will you stop doing, continue doing and start doing? Make sure your “I will …” is SMART. S: Specific M: Measurable A: Appropriate R: Relevant T: Time Bound B. Schedule a time when you can discuss with your family your “I Will”. VII.PRAYER 43 💡 Additional Insights Encouraging good communication within a Filipino family means creating an environment where all members feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly and respectfully. It involves active listening, empathy, and valuing each person's perspective. In a Filipino context, this often includes using both verbal and non-verbal cues to convey understanding and support, maintaining harmony, and fostering strong familial bonds. Good communication also facilitates the passing down of cultural traditions, values, and beliefs, ensuring continuity and unity across generations within the family.
SESSION 7 THE FREEDOM OF FORGIVENESS Student’s Notes LEARNING OUTCOMES: In this session, you will: 1. Realize that Satan uses unforgiveness as a stronghold in one’s heart. 2. Pray through the Bondage Breaker session on “Bitterness and Unforgiveness.” 3. Experience releases from the bondage of unforgiveness. I. INTRODUCTION The Christian family faces significant spiritual challenges. Satan seeks to attack the family so that our witness and ministry for Jesus is destroyed. One of the ways he attacks us is to cause us to live in unforgiveness and bitterness. In every family there is conflict. That is normal. But we must never give in to the lies of Satan that your spouse (or your children or your parents) are the enemy. Eph. 6:12 says, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Bitterness and unforgiveness can creep in leading to the breakdown of family. And Satan can use this breakdown as his stronghold of attack, destroying our witness in the community, our witness of God’s love and forgiveness. How do we overcome Satan’s attacks? Through forgiveness! Let us therefore review a section from Bondage Breaker to help us deal with such issues. II. EXTEND GOD’S FORGIVENESS If we have been wronged by family members … • We need to forgive so that Satan cannot take advantage of us (2 Cor. 2:10-11). • We are to be merciful just as our heavenly Father is merciful (Luke 6:36). • We are to forgive as we have been forgiven (Eph. 4:31, 32). Ask God to bring to your mind those people whom you need to forgive by expressing the following prayer aloud: Dear Heavenly Father. I thank You for the riches of your kindness, forbearance, and patience knowing that your kindness has led me to repentance (Rom.2:4). I confess that I have not extended that same patience and kindness toward others who have offended me, but instead I have harbored bitterness and resentment. I pray that during this time of self- examination You would bring to mind only those people that I have not forgiven in order that I may do so (Matt. 18:35). I ask this in the precious name of Jesus. Amen. Forgiveness is not forgetting. People who try to forget find they cannot. God says He will “remember our sins no more” (Heb.10:17), but God, being omniscient, cannot forget. 44
“Remember no more,” means that God will never use the past against us (Ps. 103:12). Forgetting may be the result of forgiveness, but it is never the means of forgiveness. When we bring up the past against others, we say we haven’t forgiven them. Forgiveness is a choice, a crisis of will. Since God requires us to forgive, it is something we can do. But forgiveness is difficult for us because it pulls against our concept of justice. We want revenge for offenses suffered. But we are told never to take our own revenge (Rom. 12:19). “Why should I let them off the hook?” That is precisely the problem, you are still hooked to them, still bound by your past. You let them off your hook, but they are never off God. He will deal with them fairly--something we cannot do. You may think, “But you don’t understand how much this person has hurt me!” But don’t you see, they are still hurting you! How do you stop the pain? You don’t forgive someone only for their sake. You do it for your sake as well so you can be free. Your need to forgive isn’t an issue between you and the offender; it’s between you and God. Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person’s sin. Forgiveness is costly. You pay the price of the evil you forgive. You’re going to live with those consequences whether you want to or not; your only choice is whether you will do so in bitterness of unforgiveness or the freedom of forgiveness. Jesus took the consequences of your sin upon Himself. All true forgiveness is substitutional, because no one really forgives without bearing the consequences of the other person’s sin. God the Father “made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” (2 Cor.5:21). Where is the justice? It’s the cross that makes forgiveness legally and morally right: “For the death that He died, He died to sin, once for all” (Rom. 6:10). How do you forgive from your heart? First you acknowledge the hurt and the hate. If your forgiveness doesn’t visit the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete. Many feel the pain of interpersonal offenses, but they won’t acknowledge it. Let God bring the pain to the surface so He can deal with it. This is where the healing takes place. Decide that you will bear the burden of their offenses by not using the information about their offenses against them in the future. This doesn’t mean that you tolerate sin. You must always take a stand against sin. Don’t wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving; you will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made and Satan has lost his place (Eph.4:26,27). Freedom is what will be gained, not a feeling. Make a list of people that have wronged or offended you, especially your family members. For each person on your list, say aloud: “Lord, I forgive ________________ (name) for ________________ (specifically identify all offenses and painful memories). In Jesus name I forgive, Amen! Don’t say, “Lord, please help me to forgive, __________. God is already helping you. Don’t say, “Lord, I want to forgive___________”. because you are bypassing the hard-core choice to forgive which is your responsibility. Stay with each individual until you are sure you have dealt with all the remembered pain. 45
As you pray, God may bring to mind offending people and experiences you have totally forgotten. Let Him do it even if it is painful. Remember you are doing this as much for your sake as for the person you are forgiving. They may not even know you are forgiving them! God wants you to be free, and to do so you must obey Him and choose to forgive as an act of obedience. Don’t rationalize or explain the offender’s behavior. Forgiveness deals with your pain, not another’s excuses. Positive feelings may follow in time; freeing yourself from the past is the critical issue. III. ASK FOR FORGIVENESS What about those that we have wronged? If we have sinned against family members, we need to ask forgiveness from God, and also from those we have sinned against. • List down the names of family members you have wronged. With the list are the corresponding violations. • Confess the wrong you have done towards each person to God. Ask Him to forgive you. (1 John 1:9). • After this session, go to the people that you have wronged and ask their forgiveness. (Matt. 5:23-24) IV. CLAIM SPIRITUAL AUTHORITY Jesus has all authority in heaven and earth, including over the spiritual realm, and He has delegated that authority to His disciples. When you sense that Satan is attacking you by causing conflict or unforgiveness, take spiritual authority. Verbally renounce Satan and his demons in the name of Jesus and claim His authority within your family. You might pray first something like this: Lord Jesus, thank you that you have all authority in heaven on earth. I know Satan wants me to think that my family members are my enemies and that I cannot forgive them. I renounce those thoughts as being from the evil one, not from you. Right now, I ask you to bind Satan and his evil spirits from any influence over the thoughts and actions of me and my family. Help us love, respect and forgive one another as you would have us to do. In Jesus’ name and authority, Amen Then to verbally rebuke Satan and his demons, you can say something like this: In the name and authority of Jesus, I renounce you Satan and all of your demons and spiritual forces of wickedness. I reject the lies that my family members are my enemies or that I cannot forgive them. In Jesus’ name I command you and all your spiritual forces to be gone from my family. 46
Final thoughts The family is often at the heart of spiritual challenges. And the tool that Satan uses to destroy us is to create conflict which will lead to bitterness and unforgiveness. It is up to us as believers to reject the lies of Satan, to walk in the power of the Spirit, and to forgive and live in spiritual freedom. Learn to forgive quickly, and resist Satan’s attacks by claiming the authority of Christ in your life and family. V. COMMITMENT A. “I will … “ From our session today, what will you commit to do as a result of learning about forgiveness in the family? What will you stop doing, continue doing and start doing? Make sure your “I will …” is SMART. S: Specific M: Measurable A: Appropriate R: Relevant T: Time Bound B. Schedule a time when you can ask forgiveness from family members for ways that you have hurt or offended them in the past. 47 💡 Additional Insights Understand that forgiveness is a process, a journey that can take years, especially for deep wounds. It involves both a gradual healing process and a deliberate decision made at a specific moment. Talking about forgiveness is one thing, but taking the actual step to forgive is another. Once we have forgiven someone, we commit to no longer holding their offense against them in any manner. While we may still recall the offense, our memory of it does not translate into ongoing resentment or holding it against them. If one encounters a person with deep unresolved issues that may be traumatic and are identified during the training, refer them to our staff to connect to our internal counselors who provide appropriate referrals for handling these situations.