THE PARENT TOOLKIT COLLECTION Evidence-informed guidance • Practical strategies • Reflective workbook Neurodiversity & Individual Differences Programme Toolkit No.1 Understanding ADHD Practical strategies to support attention, emotional regulation, executive functioning and everyday life. See the child. Understand the difference. Support their strengths. A Resource By Sladen Academic & Pastoral Advisory
There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and there is no such thing as a perfect way to parent a child with ADHD. Every child with ADHD is unique. While they may share certain characteristics, each child has their own strengths, interests, personality and individual way of experiencing the world. This toolkit isn't about changing who your child is or expecting them to fit into a world that isn't always designed with neurodivergent minds in mind. Instead, it is about helping you develop a deeper understanding of ADHD so that you can respond with greater confidence, compassion and practical support. You may not agree with every suggestion, and that's okay. Take what works for your family, adapt strategies where needed and remember that progress rarely happens overnight. Small, consistent changes, alongside a greater understanding of your child's needs, can make a meaningful difference over time. Contents 3 A Personal Welcome 4 How to get the most from this guide 5 Section One - Behaviour is Communication 7 Section Two - Looking Beyond the Behaviour 11 Section Three - From Reaction to Response 14 Section Four - The PACE Approach 18 Take Ten What if the behaviours you find most challenging are actually telling you how your child's brain works? 2 Symbols Throughout the toolkit, there are opportunities for thought and reflection to help you put theory into practice throughout the toolkit. Reflect: Pause and think about your own experiences, observations and learning Think: Consider a new perspective or question before moving on. Activity: Complete the practical exercise to apply what you've learnt.
Thank you for choosing this Parent Toolkit. If you're reading this, the chances are you're looking for answers. Perhaps you're feeling worried, frustrated, exhausted, or simply unsure of what to do next. Whatever has brought you here, I hope this guide reassures you that you are not alone. Throughout my career, I have had the privilege of working with children and young people with a wide range of needs. However, it was always the children who struggled the most—the ones who had disengaged from learning, found relationships difficult, or communicated through challenging behaviour—who captured my attention. Very early in my career, I realised that if we only focused on changing behaviour, we often missed the opportunity to understand the child behind it. Everything changed when I began asking one simple question: "What is this child trying to communicate?" That question has shaped every role I have held since, from specialising in behaviour, SEND, and SEMH to leading provision within a specialist school supporting children and young people aged 7–18. The strategies and ideas within this toolkit are built upon years of professional experience alongside evidence-informed practice. My hope is that they help you see your child with fresh perspective, feel more confident in your approach, and strengthen the relationship you share. Thank you for placing your trust in Sladen Academic & Pastoral Advisory. I hope this is the beginning of a journey that brings greater understanding, confidence, and positive change for both you and your child. Warmest wishes, Melissa Sladen Founder Sladen Academic & Pastoral Advisory A Personal Welcome 3
This toolkit has been designed to be practical, reflective, and easy to use. You don't need to read it all in one sitting—take your time and work through it at a pace that suits you and your family. How To Get The Most From This Guide As You Work Through The Toolkit: Take your time – You may wish to read one chapter at a time and revisit sections as your understanding develops. Keep an open mind – Try to approach your child's behaviour with curiosity rather than judgement. Ask yourself, "What might my child be trying to communicate?" Complete the activities – Reflection prompts and practical exercises are included throughout to help you apply the guidance to your own child and family. Use the resources – Printable tools, planners, and templates are provided to support you in putting strategies into practice. Remember that every child is different – There is no one- size-fits-all approach. Use this toolkit to discover what works best for your child. Focus on progress, not perfection – Meaningful change takes time. Celebrate small successes and recognise that every positive step matters. You are the expert on your child. This toolkit is designed to complement your knowledge as a parent by providing evidence-informed guidance, practical strategies, and a different way of understanding behaviour. I hope it gives you greater confidence, reassurance, and a clearer path forward as you support your child. Let's begin. A Final Thought 4
Section One - Understanding ADHD: More Than Just Attention Objectives: By the end of this section, you will: Understand what ADHD is as a neurodevelopmental difference. Recognise that ADHD is about much more than attention or hyperactivity. Understand the three recognised presentations of ADHD. Begin to see behaviours through a neurodevelopmental rather than behavioural lens. Feel reassured that ADHD brings both strengths and challenges. When many people hear the term Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), they picture a child who cannot sit still, struggles to concentrate or is constantly on the go. Whilst these behaviours can certainly be part of ADHD, they only tell a very small part of the story. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition, meaning the brain develops and functions differently from what is considered typical. These differences affect how a child regulates attention, manages emotions, controls impulses, organises everyday tasks and responds to the world around them. It is important to remember that ADHD is not a result of poor parenting, laziness or a lack of intelligence. Children with ADHD are not choosing to find life difficult. Instead, they are often working much harder than others to manage skills that many people take for granted. 5 The more we understand ADHD, the more we move away from asking, "Why won't they?" and begin asking, "What support do they need to succeed?"
ADHD Is More Than Attention One of the biggest misconceptions about ADHD is that children simply struggle to pay attention. In reality, ADHD is better understood as a difference in attention regulation rather than an inability to pay attention. Many children with ADHD can focus exceptionally well on activities they find interesting, exciting or rewarding—a phenomenon often referred to as hyperfocus. At other times, they may find it extremely difficult to sustain attention for tasks that feel repetitive, less motivating or require significant mental effort. This is why a child may spend hours building with LEGO, creating artwork or playing a favourite game, yet genuinely struggle to complete ten minutes of homework. Understanding this difference helps us move away from assuming children are choosing when to pay attention. Instead, we begin to recognise that their brain regulates attention differently depending on the situation. 6 ADHD affects approximately 3–5% of children worldwide, although estimates vary depending on the population studied and diagnostic criteria used. It is also increasingly recognised that ADHD can present differently in girls, meaning many girls are identified later than boys. ADHD Affects Many Areas of Everyday Life Although every child is different, ADHD can influence many aspects of daily life, including: Attention and concentration. Emotional regulation. Impulse control. Organisation and planning. Starting and finishing tasks. Remembering instructions. Managing time. Transitions between activities. Sleep and daily routines. Relationships with others. Not every child will experience all of these challenges, and they may present differently depending on age, environment and individual strengths.
Reflect: Before moving on, take a moment to think about your own child. Which parts of ADHD do you recognise most in your child? What is one thing you would like to understand more about as you continue through this toolkit? 7 A Strengths-Based Perspective Whilst ADHD can present genuine challenges, it also brings many strengths. Many children with ADHD are: Creative thinkers. Curious and imaginative. Passionate about their interests. Energetic and enthusiastic. Compassionate and caring. Excellent problem-solvers. Resilient. Able to think outside the box. Understanding ADHD means recognising both the strengths and the challenges. Our aim is not to change who a child is, but to understand how they experience the world and provide the support they need to flourish. ADHD is far more than difficulties with attention or hyperactivity. It is a neurodevelopmental difference that influences the way a child thinks, learns, regulates emotions and experiences everyday life. When we understand ADHD through this wider lens, we become better equipped to respond with empathy, adapt our expectations where appropriate and provide the support that allows children to thrive.
One of the biggest misconceptions about ADHD is that children simply struggle to pay attention. In reality, ADHD affects far more than concentration. It influences how children regulate their attention, manage emotions, organise information, remember instructions, control impulses and respond to everyday demands. This means that many of the tasks we expect children to complete automatically actually require considerably more effort for a child with ADHD. Understanding these differences helps us move away from asking: "Why won't they?" and towards asking, "What might be making this difficult?" 8 Section Two - The ADHD Brain: Understanding How Your Child Experiences the World Objectives: By the end of this section, you will: Understand how ADHD affects the way the brain develops and functions. Recognise the difference between attention regulation and attention deficit. Understand the role of executive functioning in everyday life. Appreciate why many daily tasks require significantly more effort for children with ADHD. Begin to view everyday challenges through a neurodevelopmental lens rather than a behavioural one.
More Than an Attention Difficulty Despite its name, ADHD is not simply a difficulty paying attention. Instead, many professionals now describe ADHD as a difficulty regulating attention. Children with ADHD often find it difficult to choose where their attention goes. They may struggle to maintain attention on tasks that feel repetitive, require sustained effort or hold little personal interest. At the same time, they may become completely absorbed in activities they find highly rewarding or enjoyable. This is often referred to as hyperfocus. Neither experience is a choice. Both reflect the way the ADHD brain regulates attention differently. 9 A Practical Example Scenario: Eight-year-old Sam is asked to tidy his bedroom before dinner. He walks upstairs with every intention of getting started. On the way, he notices a box of LEGO, begins building a new model and, thirty minutes later, his bedroom is exactly as he left it. From the outside, it may appear that Sam ignored the instruction. In reality, he may have become distracted before he had the opportunity to complete the original task. His brain naturally shifted towards the activity that captured his attention most strongly. Understanding this doesn't remove expectations, but it does help us choose strategies that support success rather than assuming a lack of effort.
Executive Functioning Many everyday challenges associated with ADHD are linked to a group of thinking skills known as executive functions. These skills help us to: 10 For many children with ADHD, these skills develop differently. This means that even when they know exactly what they need to do, putting that knowledge into action can feel overwhelming. Plan and organise. Remember information. Start tasks. Switch between activities. Manage time. Control impulses. Regulate emotions. Monitor our own behaviour. Executive functioning continues to develop throughout childhood and adolescence. For children with ADHD, these skills often develop more slowly than in their peers, meaning they may need additional support, scaffolding and patience while these abilities continue to grow. Emotional Regulation ADHD doesn't only affect thinking skills. Many children also experience emotions more intensely. Small disappointments may feel enormous. This doesn't mean children with ADHD are being dramatic or overreacting. Instead, they may need additional support to recognise, regulate and recover from big emotions.
11 ADHD affects far more than attention. It influences the way children regulate attention, organise information, manage emotions and use the thinking skills needed for everyday life. The more we understand how the ADHD brain works, the more we can replace frustration with understanding and begin creating environments that help our children succeed. Reflect: As you have been reading this section, which of the following do you recognise most in your child? Becoming distracted before finishing a task. Forgetting instructions soon after hearing them. Becoming deeply focused on favourite interests. Finding transitions difficult. Strong emotional reactions to everyday situations. Starting tasks enthusiastically but struggling to finish them. What has helped you understand your child's experiences differently?
12 Section Three - ADHD in Everyday Life Objectives: By the end of this section, you will: Recognise how ADHD can affect everyday life at home. Understand why common daily routines can be particularly challenging for children with ADHD. Begin to identify patterns in your own child's experiences. Appreciate that many everyday difficulties are linked to differences in executive functioning and emotional regulation, rather than a lack of effort. Feel more confident recognising your child's strengths alongside their challenges. ADHD doesn't only affect children at school. It influences many of the everyday moments that families experience, from getting ready in the morning to completing homework, playing with siblings and settling to sleep. For parents, these moments can sometimes feel exhausting, particularly when they happen day after day. The good news is that understanding why these situations occur is the first step towards supporting your child more effectively. Rather than seeing isolated behaviours, we begin to recognise patterns and understand the underlying differences that may be making everyday life more difficult. Research Spotlight Research suggests that emotional regulation difficulties are common in children with ADHD. Many children experience emotions more quickly and more intensely, making it harder to pause, recover and move on from disappointment or frustration. Emotional regulation and ADHD What this means for parents When we understand emotional regulation as part of ADHD, we're more likely to respond by helping our child regulate before expecting them to problem-solve or learn from the situation.
Her parents feel frustrated because they've reminded her several times. 13 Eight-year-old Lily is asked to: Mornings Can Feel Overwhelming For many families, mornings are one of the most stressful parts of the day. Getting dressed, brushing teeth, packing school bags and leaving the house all rely on executive functioning skills such as planning, remembering, sequencing and managing time. For a child with ADHD, these tasks can quickly become overwhelming. What may look like distraction or avoidance is often a child struggling to manage several demands at once. A Practical Example Get dressed. Brush her teeth. Pack her reading book. Put on her shoes. Twenty minutes later, she's sitting on her bedroom floor reading a comic, still in her pyjamas. In reality, Lily may have intended to complete each task but became distracted or overwhelmed by the number of steps involved.
14 Homework Isn't Just About Learning Homework often requires children to: Remember instructions. Organise equipment. Start a task independently. Maintain attention. Ignore distractions. Finish within a set time. For children with ADHD, these demands can be just as challenging as the academic work itself. This is why homework may become a source of frustration for the whole family. Big Emotions in Everyday Moments Children with ADHD often experience emotions intensely. A small disappointment can feel enormous. Being asked to stop a favourite activity may lead to tears or anger. Losing a game may feel devastating. These emotional responses are genuine. Although boundaries remain important, recognising that your child's emotional regulation may require additional support can help reduce conflict and strengthen your relationship. Think: What's one everyday situation where your child's reaction seems much bigger than the situation itself? Could they have been needing support rather than correction?
Curious and imaginative. Passionate about their interests. Funny and energetic.Creative thinkers. Compassionate and caring. Excellent problem-solvers. 15 Don't Forget Their Strengths Although this section has explored some of the challenges associated with ADHD, it's equally important to recognise your child's strengths. Many children with ADHD are: These strengths deserve just as much attention as the areas they find difficult. Reflect: As you've read this section, which everyday situations feel most familiar to your family? Mornings before school Homework Mealtimes Bedtime Transitions between activities Managing emotions Remembering everyday tasks Which of your child's strengths do you sometimes forget to celebrate when family life feels busy? ADHD often becomes most noticeable during the everyday routines that many families take for granted. Understanding why these moments are difficult allows us to replace frustration with empathy and begin thinking about the practical changes that can support success.
16 Section Four - Supporting Your Child to Thrive Objectives: By the end of this section, you will: Understand how small adjustments can make everyday life more manageable for children with ADHD. Recognise the importance of adapting the environment rather than expecting the child to adapt alone. Learn practical, evidence-informed strategies that support attention, emotional regulation and executive functioning. Feel more confident choosing approaches that work with your child's strengths. Begin identifying one or two changes you could introduce at home. There is no single strategy that works for every child with ADHD. Every child has different strengths, different challenges and different ways of experiencing the world. The most effective support often comes from making small, thoughtful adjustments that reduce unnecessary barriers and help children succeed. Rather than asking children to work harder in environments that don't meet their needs, we can begin asking: "How can I make this task easier to access?" Often, small changes have the biggest impact. Children with ADHD are often expected to remember instructions, organise themselves and stay focused in environments that place significant demands on their executive functioning. By reducing these demands, we can increase the likelihood of success. Simple adjustments might include: Using visual reminders instead of relying on memory. Breaking larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps. Keeping routines as consistent as possible. Creating predictable places for everyday items. Reducing distractions where possible. These changes don't lower expectations—they make success more achievable.
A Practical Example 17 Instead of saying: "Go upstairs, brush your teeth, get dressed, pack your bag and feed the dog." Try: "Let's start with getting dressed. Come back when you've finished and we'll do the next step together." Breaking tasks into smaller chunks reduces cognitive load and helps children experience success one step at a time. Connection Before Correction Children with ADHD often receive frequent reminders about what they've forgotten, done incorrectly or still need to do. Over time, this can affect confidence and self-esteem. Whenever possible, look for opportunities to notice effort, celebrate progress and strengthen your relationship—not just correct mistakes. Children are more likely to respond positively when they feel understood and supported.
Work With Their Strengths Every child with ADHD has strengths. Some are creative. Some are highly curious. Some are wonderful problem-solvers. Some have incredible enthusiasm and passion for the things they love. Supporting a child with ADHD isn't about removing these qualities. It's about creating an environment where their strengths can flourish while providing support in the areas they find difficult. 18 Research Spotlight Research consistently shows that warm, responsive relationships support children's emotional wellbeing, confidence and resilience. Children with ADHD benefit from clear expectations alongside positive relationships where they feel understood, accepted and supported. Positive relationships matter What this means for parents Support isn't about lowering expectations. It's about creating the conditions that allow children to meet those expectations successfully. Think: Of all the strategies you've read about in this toolkit so far... Which one small change do you think would make the biggest difference for your child this week?
19 Remember Supporting a child with ADHD isn't about finding the perfect strategy. It's about understanding your child, recognising their individual strengths and making thoughtful adjustments that help them succeed. The small changes you make today can help build your child's confidence, independence and belief in their own abilities over time. Small environmental changes often have a greater impact than repeatedly reminding children what they have forgotten. Supporting executive functioning through routines, visual prompts and reducing unnecessary demands helps children become more independent over time.
Take Ten If there's one thing I hope you take away from this toolkit, it's that ADHD is about far more than attention. There will be days when supporting your child feels rewarding, and there will be days when it feels incredibly difficult. On those harder days, come back to these reminders: 1.ADHD Is a Neurodevelopmental Difference Your child is not choosing to struggle; their brain processes attention, emotions and everyday demands differently. 2.Attention Is Regulated, Not Absent Children with ADHD may focus deeply on highly engaging activities whilst finding routine tasks much harder. 3.Behaviour Communicates Difficulty What looks like avoidance, defiance or laziness may reflect overwhelm, distraction or an unmet need for support. 20 4.Executive Functioning Affects Everyday Life Planning, remembering, starting tasks, managing time and staying organised can require significantly more effort. 5.Emotional Responses Are Genuine Children with ADHD may experience emotions quickly and intensely and can need support to regulate and recover. 6.Small Tasks May Carry Hidden Demands Everyday routines often involve several steps, transitions and decisions that can become overwhelming. 7.Support Should Reduce Barriers Visual prompts, predictable routines and smaller steps can make expectations more accessible without lowering them.
8.Connection Protects Confidence Frequent correction can affect self-esteem, so noticing effort, progress and strengths matters. 9.Every Child’s ADHD Profile Is Different The most effective support begins with understanding your own child rather than comparing them with others. 21 10.Small Changes Can Make a Big Difference You do not need to change everything at once; one thoughtful adjustment can create a more positive experience for the whole family. One Final Thought The goal isn't to raise a child who thinks, learns or behaves like everyone else. The goal is to raise a child who understands their strengths, believes in their abilities, and knows they are valued for who they are—not despite their differences, but because of them. And remember... ADHD is not something that needs to be fixed. With understanding, encouragement and the right support, children with ADHD can flourish, develop confidence and achieve incredible things in their own unique way. Theories and Approaches Referenced American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR). American Psychiatric Publishing. Barkley, R. A. (2021). Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents (4th ed.). Guilford Press. Brown, T. E. (2013). A New Understanding of ADHD in Children and Adults: Executive Function Impairments. Routledge. Dawson, P., & Guare, R. (2018). Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary "Executive Skills" Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. National Institute for Health and Care Excellence. (2018, updated 2019). Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: Diagnosis and Management (NG87). NICE. Further Reading Barkley, R. A. (2021). Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents (4th ed.). Guilford Press. Dawson, P., & Guare, R. (2018). Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary "Executive Skills" Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.