Eleven Eleven

Eleven Eleven MAHEREEN

This book would not exist without the people who quietly shaped it. To my parents, thank you for believing in me long before there was anything to believe in for seeing the effort before there was ever a result, and for believing I could write. To my Daddy, I only wish I could have placed this book in your hands before anyone else’s. To Aarya, Selina and Zai, thank you for your friendship, for reminding me that life was always bigger than the notebook I carried around, and for knowing the stories long before they became poems. And to someone who will recognize themselves without ever seeing their name on this page if life hadn’t unfolded the way it did, perhaps this book would never have existed. Thank you!

Note We are creatures of hope. In moments of loss, we bargain with the universe, searching for signs that what slipped away might somehow return. For me, that sign was always 11:11 a fleeting promise that wishes still carried meaning. These pages were written when I discovered that not every wish is granted, not every love endures, and that sometimes the aftermath is the truest story of all.

Some constellations only exist because we choose to connect distant stars.

Chal haath aage kar Dusre pal Mere kandhe pe rakh de apna sar Dekhenge khwaab us jahaan ke Jaha hai apna wala ghar Thik saamne behti ho ek lahar Aur us paar dhalti ho shaam magar Aur jab chaand nikle lekar sehar Hum taare gin lenge baithkar Phir jab neend teri palko mein utar aaye Main chaandni odha dungi tujhe is kadar Na shor ho duniya ka na koi safar Bas tu main aur sukoon ka shehar Na maange kuch is zindagi se Bas yun hi bit jaaye Hamari umar

Suna hai sheher mein koi nayi si kahaani aayi hai Tere honto pe ab uski hi muskurahat chhayi hai Kehta hai zamaana woh tujhse mujhse zyada mohabbat karti hai Har dua mein tera naam lekar hi sajde karti hai Tu apni subah le gaya meri shaam chhod kar Apna aashiyaan basa liya kisi aur ka dil aabaad kar Mai bhi kya karti mohabbat ko qaid thodi na karti Jo haath chhodna chahe uski kalai pakad thodi na rakhti Kabhi jo meri gali se guzarna toh rukna zaroor ek pal Dikhega deewaaron pe ab bhi muskuraata hai tera kal Main shikayat ka koi safha khula chhod na saki Mohabbat thi isliye tujhe bura keh na saki Teri duniya mubarak uska bhi jahaan aabaad rahe Bas meri tarah kisi aur ki dua barbaad na rahe

Without you I live in all shades of blue, every color somehow leads back to you. I try to separate the lie from the truth but both arrive wearing the same blue Only to see shades of blue as if color could decide what is true I cry though even that feels rehearsed tears of blue as if assigned to me before I knew you This condition is not new It returns precisely in all its shades of blue. Without you I remain here in a room that does not change except for the color always some version of blue. It is unclear why blue was chosen or who decided it should0 stay this way. I might have been something else the red to your rose or the small black mole near your nose Instead, I am reduced to hues variations without conclusion living quietly in all these shades of blue. And out of all we stay in blue Blue is our colour The one we fell in love with

Yaad hai ek baar Bus mai baithe baithe ticket ke piche ek apna ghar banaya tha Har kone ko humne apna kehkar sajaya tha Tumne kaha, “Yeh ghar bahut chhota hai.” Maine kaha, “Abhi isme waqt basana baaqi hai.” Tumne dekh kar hansi udaai Maine usme ek umr bitaai Ek roz woh kaagaz phir saamne aaya Har lakeer ne tera deedaar karaya Deewaarein to kab ki mit chuki thi Par us kaagaz ne phir voh waqt dohraya Ghar toh kaagaz ka tha Bikharna uski fitrat thi Par usme jo Hamari umr thi Woh aaj bhi salaamat thi.

Ab doori hi theek hai Kuch rishte paas aakar toot jaate hain Jo rooh mein mehfooz rehte hain Woh aksar haathon se chhoot jaate hain Ab doori hi theek hai Har baar milkar bhi kuch adhoora sa raha Har baar bichhadkar dil aur tanha raha Mohabbat ne kabhi saath chhoda nahi Bas naseeb hi humse khafa raha Ab doori hi theek hai Na tum bure the, na hum galat the Bas ek hi kahaani ke Do mukhtalif kirdaar the Ab doori hi theek hai Tum meri duaon ka hissa rehna Main tumhari yaadon ka asar rahungi Mohabbat adhoori sahi magar Main uski aakhri nazm rahungi.

You were a half-drawn constellation in a sky I hadn’t learned to read And before I could trace your shape the clouds arrived asking me to forget the stars. And yet on nights when the stars refuse to speak I search the sky not to find you but to wonder was I ever enough for you to stay or were you always meant to fade away?

Ab kaise khilenge woh phool Joh murjha Gaye laate hue Raahon bhar muskuraate rahe hum Aur dehleez pe aakar bikhar gaye Dono gale lag ke roye Jo Khud khil uthte auro ko hasaate hue Ab geeton se bhi khauf sa lagta hai, Har sur tera naam sunaata hai. Jo mehfilon ko roshni deta tha kabhi, Aaj har naghma dil ko rulaata hai. Mera qais mujhse cheen kar, Majnu lautane aaye ho? Jis rooh ka sahara tod diya tumne, Us jism ko samjhaane aaye ho? Jo saans bhi uske naam thi, Use jeena sikhaane aaye ho? Ishq ki kitaab ka aakhri safha pad kar, Ab dastaan sunane aaye ho? Ghar toh usi din veeraan ho gaya tha, Ab dehleez sajaane aaye ho?

Chaand bujha kar meri raaton ka, Ab sitaare ginane aaye ho? Bagh ujaad kar kehne lage, Lo, phir se phool khilane aaye ho.

Kehte hai Mohabbat ka dard bichadna nahi Yaad rhe jaana hota hai Ab bhi kisi mod pe ruk jaati Hu Jaise koi naam pukaarega Har khaali kursi pe tera aks sa rehta hai Har shor mein ek sannata thehra rehta hai Tu gaya bhi toh kya gaya is safar se Har mod pe tera hi intezaar rehta hai Kuch khwaab the jo shehron se bade nikle Kuch raaste the jo manzilon se pare nikle Hum faqat saath chalne ko safar samajhte rahe Woh toh har lamhe mein poori umr jee nikle Do dilon ka shehar ujaad kar Ek mulaaqaat ka tohfa laaye ho? Jo umr bhar ek doosre mein rehte the Unhein phir ajnabi banaane aaye ho? Ek hi dua ke do hisse the Waqt ne dono ko baant diya Mohabbat waise hi zinda rahi, Bas uska pata badal diya Ab na milne ki koi shikayat hai Na bichhadne ka koi gila raha. Tum bas kisi aur ke ho gaye Aur mera dil… tumhaara raha

Who’s gonna draw stars around my scars not flinch at the jagged constellations Who’ll name galaxies after the parts I hide and find poetry in my quiet devastation? Will someone trace the map of my ache and still choose to stay for the night? Not to fix just to look and say even this is light. So if you see stars where I see scars don’t wish them away just wish with them.

Vo kehta raha Hamari kahani likhi hui hai Main uski baaton mein yun hi thahar gayi Woh waqt ki tarah mujhse guzar gaya Dono haath itni saari lakeeron se bhare hain Phir bhi ek meri kismat ki lakeer nahi Ek lakeer tum tak jaakar ruk gayi Ek mujh tak aate-aate mit gayi Shayad taqdeer likhne waale ne Mohabbat likhi… manzil nahi Main har dard ko muskura kar seh leti rahi Jaise tootna bhi mera hunar ho gaya Woh ek shakhs jo meri rooh mein rehta tha Pata nahi kis mod pe beghar ho gaya Ab jab bhi haathon ko khol kar dekhti hoon Har lakeer mujhse nazrein churaati hai Jitna inhe samajhne ki koshish karti hoon Utni hi meri rooh ko sataati hai Sabke hisse ka ek waada likha tha shayad Meri qismat ki lakeer bas khud ko chhupaati hai

Haathon mein bheed toh lakeeron ki bahut hai Par meri dastaan kahaan samaati hai Log kehte hain haathon mein taqdeer basti hai Phir meri duaon ki taaseer nahi Sabko unka hissa milta dekha hai Bas meri hi khushiyon ki taqseem nahi Maine har dard ko apna samajh kar jiya Phir bhi dard se meri rihaai nahi Jo rooh mein ghar karke chala gaya Uske baad kisi ki bhi jagah nahi Shayad kuch naam likhe hi nahi jaate Chahe unhein rooh se pukaarte raho Kuch log milkar bhi milte nahi Chahe umr bhar unka intezaar karo

Har gila bade saleeqe se chhupa rakha tha maine Har aansu ka alag hisaab likha tha maine Socha tha ek din sab qarz chukaungi Har chot ka usse jawaab maangungi. Magar woh kuch bhi kahe bina muskura diya Aur saari shikayaton ka wajood mita diya.

I lit a lamp. Shielded it from wind. Still, it went out. Maybe some nights aren’t mine to brighten.

Ek ghadi hai jo kab ki tham gayi Main phir bhi roz use chaabi diya karti thi Har dastak waqt ki mujhse door nikal gayi Main hi uski suiyon mein uljhi reh gayi

Tere deedar ke liye aati hoon teri gali, Warna awaargi ke liye poora shehar pada hai. Na bazaar ka shauq, na mehfilon ki kami, Dil toh bas ek tere dar pe hi aa tika hai. Kabhi tu bhi meri raahon se yunhi guzar jaa, Ye intezaar bhi kitne arse se khada hai. Log kehte hain ishq andha kar deta hai, Humne kaha, tabhi toh har raasta yahin aa pada hai. Kabhi yun bhi ho ke tu saamne aa khada ho Mere liye us lamhe se badi na koi Eid ho. Gar umr bhar deedar na likha ho muqaddar mein, Mera janaza bhi teri gali se utha hai

I asked “If you could write me a letter what would be the first thing you’d write?” He said The moment we crossed paths I knew I found my home. But somewhere along the way we forgot the address The walls we dreamed of building remained in our heads the rooms stayed empty and the windows never opened to the morning light We were never homeless just heartless enough to abandon the only place we truly belonged

Jisko mila usko qadar na thi Aur koi pane ke liye Taras gaya Kisi ne haathon se duaon ko gira diya Koi usi ek dua pe sajde karta reh gaya Jisko mila, usko qadar na mili Jiski qadar thiusse khabar na mili Naseeb ne bhi kya ada dikhayi Mohabbat mili… magar nazar na mili Jisko mila, usko qadar na hui Dil ki dua bhi asar na hui Mohabbat dar pe khadi reh gayi Kismat ko phir bhi khabar na hui.

Kisi aur ke dil ko apna kinaara mat banaana Jab tak kisi aur ka naam ho tera thikaana Mohabbat agar baaqi ho toh usse sach keh jaana Kisi beqasoor ko apni tanhaai na thamaana Woh jo muskuraaye usse umeed mat dilaana Agar har dua mein kisi aur ko hi hai bulaana Dil badalne se pehle yaadein toh mitaana Warna har naya rishta bhi toot kar hai bikhar jaana.

You promised once you’d buy me stars wrap my silence in galaxies turn my questions into constellations But promises are paper boats they sink in the first storm of time Now, I sit with empty skies yet I do not curse the dark I trust destiny the same hands that pulled you away from mine will guide you toward arms that hold you tighter than I ever could The stars you wished to bring me may you find them in the eyes of another And when you shine I’ll know my love was not wasted Because not every ending is betrayal some are just destiny’s handwriting.

Jo rooh ab bhi kisi ek sadaa pe thehri ho Use bazaar-e-mohabbat mein mat utaarna Laila ka naam tha toh usi naam pe mar jaana Kisi aur ko Laila keh kar mat sataana

Din bhar toh har ek shaks se milti rahi hoon main Har ek hansi ko honton pe silti rahi hoon main Is darr se ke kahin teri kami bol na uthe Khud apni hi awaaz se bachti rahi hoon main

We were dust pretending to be stars love carried us only halfway and prayers could not take us further If the soul carries truth beyond this life then mine will wander not with your name on its lips but with the silence you left burning through my chest

Agar kabhi phir mohabbat ka ho ikraar Toh meri qismat mein likhna koi Imroz-e-yaar Woh meri rooh se kare meri maazi se na takraar Na pooche kis liye dil pe hain itne saare nishaan hazaar Agar kabhi meri ungliyan bhi likh baithen koi naam baar-baar Woh meri khamosh lakeeron se na kare kabhi takraar Agar meri aankhon mein utar aaye koi guzra hua bahaar Woh meri bheegi palkon se na maange koi jawaab-e-ikraar Maine suna hai har subah ek pyaali chai thi uska izhaar Alfaaz kam the aadaton mein tha uska saara pyaar Woh meri guzri hui umr ka hisaab na maange Jo dil mein reh gaya uska jawaab na maange Bas itna ho Woh Imroz ki tarah mohabbat kare Aur mujhse kabhi Sahir ka hisaab na maange

Ek hi dar pe meri umr ka har din ruka dekha Bas uski aankhon mein kabhi apna pata nahi dekha Main toot kar bhi muskuraata hi rahi Kisi ne dard ka itna bhi gehra silsila nahi dekha Har roz kisi aahat pe dil thehar sa jaata tha Har baar dar khula toh koi aur hi nikla Har shaam kisi aahat ne dil ko pukaara Har subah ne phir chhod diya yun hi awaara

Grief is a room I visit where everything is quiet except the photo frame that won’t stop staring.

Gham ne seene ko nahi meri gardan ko chuna, Jaise har unsuni baat ka yahin par ho thikaana. Har ik sada gale mein hi qaid reh gayi, Kehne ko tha bahut, magar na mila bahaana.

Mujh tak aate hue kitni duaa aayi hogi Tab kahin jaake yeh mohabbat meri hui hogi Ab jo aaina bhi dekhu toh gila hota nahi Kisi ki nazar mein meri bhi kami na rahi hogi Tune dekha toh mera dil bhi gulzaar hua Mere andar ka har ek khauf faraar Hua Dil ne seekha bhi toh bas tere sahaare jeena Ab har dhadkan ko tera hi pata kehna.

in the end we all become stories some are read out loud others rot in a drawer no one dares to open people will name you a hero or a villain without ever knowing the nights you begged the ceiling for mercy you will be reduced to anecdotes half-remembered told over tea by people who once swore they loved you and when your name leaves their tongue it won’t be you they taste just the bitterness of their own regrets in the end we all become stories but not everyone is worth the ink

Mere paas baithkar bhi tu kisi aur ke qareeb raha Faasla kursiyon ka nahi vo bas ek fareb tha Teri har baat mein uska hi kahin zikr raha Main samajh hi na saki kis ka tujhe fikr raha Kaash pehle hi haqeeqat se mera saamna hota Na tu mera raasta banta na koi raabta hota Kaash pehle hi khabar hoti tu mera hissa na tha Main bhi us mod se guzarti jahan tera zikr na tha Khush raho tum dono yahi aakhri dua hai meri Mohabbat na sahi niyyat kabhi buri na thi meri

Hisaabon ki diary mein ek sher chhupaaya Har panne ne ek purana kissa sunaya Jitna joda sab ghata paaya Bas woh ek safha munaafa kehlaaya Aaj bhi jab woh diary khulti hai Hisaab saare galat nazar aate hain Shayad lafz hi woh daulat the Jo kabhi kharch nahi ho paate hain

They say lovers meet twice once to fall in love and once to hand love back I’ve walked that second doorway maybe more times than my chest had spare keys for You know what Some endings don’t bleed in front of you they seal themselves quietlylike a cut you forgot you had until the skin heals into something unrecognisable And even if you press on it later there’s no pain only the shape of what happened etched in silence The last time isn’t the last time you see them it’s when the scar stops remembering the wound

Mere kuch armaan hai jo zakhmon se likhe gaye hai Chah ke bhi na mit paaye dil pe chipke gaye ha Mujhe izzat nahi chahiye sirf lafz bacha lena Main dhool ban jaaun bas yaadon mein rakh lena Zindagi se nafrat hai par usi mein jeena hai Har haara pal bhi mera mujhe toh jeet se zyada haseen hai Main naam nahi dastaan banna chahti hu Giri hoon hazaar baar, phir bhi khud pe fakhr rakhna chahti hu

Nigaahein jab milengi toh waqt bhi thahar jayega Bina kahe hi har raaz dilon tak utar jayega Tum rukne ki baat karte ho hum toh qaid ho jayenge Woh ek pal jo sadiyon ka afsana ban jayega Lafz thak kar kahin raahon mein so jayenge Hum tumhari aankhon mein dekh kar wahin ke ho jayenge Tumhari aankhon ke darya mein utarna lazmi thha Ki kinara dhundne ki zidd ab rasta bhool baithi hu Lafz toh bas bahana thhetumhe paas laane ka Asal qissa toh us pal hai jahan duniya hi chooti hai.

I’m a paradox in love— wanting to be held, yet trembling when someone tries. I fall for eyes that feel like home, then run when the warmth gets too close. I crave a story with someone, but fear the ending before the first page turns. If my heart keeps folding into itself like this, no wonder love keeps slipping through the gaps.