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Activity no. 1Activity no. 1 L S V IL S V I
Back when I was a kid, my mom was already diagnosed with a stage 5 Chronic Kidney Desease. Growing up, I watched her how she undergo dialysis and take different kinds of medication to slow down the effect of it on her body. I draw these two candles because it symbolizes how religious my family is, everytime we go to church, we light candles with a prayer and it became our family culture. My mom experienced having a life of 50/50 inside the ICU for 2 times already, every time it happened, I feel like the spark in my faith is slowly fading. I'm very amazed on how she handles it, there were no days I saw or hear her questioning God about her life condition, and that made me think about how strong her faith is. But there's one time that her condition got worse again that made her stayed at the hospital and get confined in the ICU for a week. When her doctors came and told us that her life is 50/50, I really broke down and lost myself. The day I was very scared for, the idea of losing my mom has finally arrived. From the moment I learned about her condition, I felt my faith and beliefs slowly slipping away, I reached a point where I turned my back on the church, stopped being a LECOM, and withdrew from the organizations I used to be part of. I couldn't bring myself to go to church with them because I felt like He was abandoning my family. There were days when I didn't visit Mom after she was transferred to the ward because her condition had somewhat been good, I even missed her birthday at the hospital because I had classes.
A few days passed, and Saturday arrived. That was when I visited her, I took over as her watcher because my sibling had school and my dad needed to go home to get some sleep. It was her dialysis day, so I stayed by her side, I even brought her champorado cooked by my grandmother and some Goldilocks bread, as those were the things she said that she wanted to eat. While I was feeding her, she held my hand and said, "Kuteng, sana bumalik ka na ulit sa simbahan, alam mo naman na ni- minsa'y hindi Niya ako pinabayaan. Alam ko na hinihintay ka Niya, kapag binuksan mo ulit ang puso mo at subukan na pawiin ang galit diyan ay siguradong isa ako sa magiging pinaka masaya." I didn't pay much attention to what she said, though a part of me was left thinking about it. A little later, Mom asked me to get a new hot compress, so I had to go down from the second floor. I found it strange since the compress was still warm, I wondered why she wanted it replaced so soon but I got it for her anyway. When I returned, I couldn't make sense of the situation, some of the nurses inside the room were gathered around her, trying to wake her up. I didn't know what to do at that moment, as I was the only one there with Mama. She wasn't responding, so I repeatedly pleaded with the doctor to revive her to the point that they tried up to ten times, but it was no chance, Mama had truly passed away. In those moments, it felt as though my world had collapsed, a part of me died that day, too. I couldn't fully accept what had happened because she had
grown stronger after leaving the ICU, only for things to take such a sudden turn. I found myself wondering if was Mama just waiting for me to see her and hear everything she had to say before she left? After Mama was laid to rest, I decided to return to the church and fulfill her last words to me, I began doing readings during Mass and participating in organizational activities. There was a time when my older sister and I attended Mass in Binondo and she handed me a candle and that’s when I realized during one of the darkest times of my life, when my own spirit felt dim and uncertain, it was the faith and guidance of a loved one that helped me rekindle my own. They shared their light with me in times that i didn't have enough strength to carry my own. So in my drawing, the dark shadows symbolizes the grief and pain I faced. The cross stands as my anchor of hope, reminding me that im never truly alone. While the passing of the flame shows that our faith is meant to be shared, it grows much stronger when we use it to illuminate each other’s path. Experiencing this heartbreaking situation made me realize that faith isn't just about believing during easy times, its about holding onto that shared light in the dark, knowing that even the smallest flame can push back the deepest shadows. Ang kandila ay nauupos, ngunit maari pa rin naman tayo magsindi ulit ng panibago pero yung mas maliwanag na at matagal ang tindig.