Personal Development Module 1 Content Standard: The learners demonstrate an understanding of the dynamics of attraction, love, and commitment Performance Standard: The learners shall be able to appraise one’s present relationships and make plans for building responsible future relationships Learning Competency: 1. Understand teen-age relationships, including the acceptable and unacceptable expressions of attractions. Unpacked Competencies: 1.1. Define relationships; and 1.2. Enumerate acceptable and unacceptable expressions of attractions What is It? Affection is one of human beings' greatest emotions. There is a lot of passion, but more emotions are conveyed in an intimate partnership with a compatible partner. Romantic attachments are among the most important aspects of life for many people and may become a source of tremendous fulfilment. The will to create a human link seems innate. This will helps develop the ability to build healthy and loving relationships. Some suggest that early childhood begins to develop the capacity to create a healthy relationship with a nanny or caregiver who regularly satisfies the child’s needs for food, treatment, comfort, protection, stimulation, and social interaction. Such partnerships are not destinies, but they are hypothesized to establish deeply embedded relationship patterns with others. The end of a relationship may also become a source of significant mental trauma.
What is Personal Relationship? Personal relationship is a form of relationship closely linked to a person and which can only be important to that person. Kinds of Personal Relationship -Privacy and Intimacy-These are two attributes describing personal relationships and the level of commitment to another person or persons. -Impersonal Relationship-This refers to commitment to an organization such as a business entity, a principle, or a purpose. -Attraction-This is a force that unites people and can grow into an attachment which eventually leads to commitment. In a room packed with friendly faces, many people may seem open and ready to speak, yet only one face may stand out from the crowd. There may be many physically attractive people in the room, but attention may remain focused on one particular person. Attractions to Remember 1. Physical Attraction Is Based on Instinct Most people would claim that attraction to someone may happen after only a few seconds of a first encounter. April Masini, who also gives ABC Entertainment News relationship advice and wrote books such as Date Out of Your League, suggests that females are naturally attracted to men who exude affection and passion and seem to live a fascinating life. Heterosexuals tend to be attracted to men with traditionally masculine features, including a muscular body, square jaw, straight nose, and narrow eyes, physically or emotionally. These physical properties
often include higher testosterone levels, common among “alpha males.” Alpha males display particular personality traits, including directness, determination, and power. 2. Physical Attraction Does Not Necessarily Lead to a Good Relationship The first physical attraction is a very poor indicator, according to Dr. Margaret Paul, a relationship expert with a Ph.D. in psychology, about how well a relationship performs and may lead to feelings connected with abandonment. 3. Platonic Attraction Is Important Trustworthiness and kindness are also important, in addition to physical attractiveness. A future partner’s reliability, attentiveness, and ability to listen are important qualities to consider. For example, does the person call when promised? Does the person answer the phone when contacted? Does the person notice little things and give compliments? Does the person listen during conversations about movies, sports, or other interests? Common interests are also building blocks of deep emotional links. Having a common family history may also be helpful. Aaron Ben-Ze’ev, a professor of philosophy and author of The Subtlety of Emotion, suggests that a relationship may benefit from physical proximity, such as living close to a love interest. Simply living in the same city or neighborhood appears to make people experience more platonic attraction toward each other. 4. The Unattainable Is Attractive People often want something that cannot be achieved. According to Helen Fisher, Ph.D., Professor at the Rutgers Department of Anthropology and Chief Scientific Advisor to the Chemistry online dating service, someone considered “out-of-the-league” may remain attractive because that person is seen as ideal. These frustrating crushes may develop as a way of pushing people to strengthen both body appearance and social status. At the same time, self-love and patience are important, because genuine love for another person is difficult without first developing love and respect for oneself. Attraction Proximity and similarity contribute to relationship-building, while reciprocity and self-disclosure are critical for sustaining relationships. Yet, the question remains: what characteristics are considered attractive in a person? Relationships are not formed with everyone who lives or works nearby, so people still determine which particular individuals they want as friends and partners. Researchers have documented several characteristics that are attractive to humans. People differ in what they consider attractive, and cultural influences affect attractiveness. Nevertheless, research indicates that some commonly attractive characteristics in women include wide eyes, high cheekbones, a thin jaw line, a slim build (Buss 1989), and a lower waist-to-hip ratio (Singh 1993). Likewise, attractive features of men include being tall, having broad shoulders, and having a small waist (Buss 1989). Both men and women with high levels of facial and body symmetry are commonly seen as more attractive than asymmetric individuals (Fink, Neave, Manning and Grammer 2006; Penton-Voak et al. 2001; Rikowski and Grammer 1999).
In future female partners, social characteristics that people consider attractive include comfort, empathy, and social skills. In males, desirable characteristics include competence, leadership abilities, and work skills (Regan and Berscheid 1997). While humans want physically attractive mates, this does not mean that the most attractive person possible is always the goal. This observation has led some to propose what is known as the matching hypothesis, which asserts that people tend to choose someone they see as their equal in physical attractiveness and social desirability (Taylor et al. 2011). People weigh the attractiveness of a potential partner against the probability of succeeding with that individual. If a person believes oneself to be particularly unattractive, even if that belief is inaccurate, that person would probably look for partners who are considered fairly unattractive, whether in physical appearance or behavior. Typically, people love those with whom they form relationships, but the love for families, friends, and romantic partners may differ. Robert Sternberg (1986) suggested that love has three components: affection, passion, and dedication. These three components form a triangle that distinguishes many forms of love. This is known as Sternberg’s triangular theory of love. Sternberg’s triangular theory of love Love is sometimes characterized by intimacy, which involves the sharing of details, emotions, and intimate thoughts. Sternberg (1986) states that a healthy relationship will have all three components of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment. This is described as consummate love. At different stages of life, however, different aspects of love may prevail more. Other types of love include: -Affection-Intimacy without passion or commitment. -Infatuation-Love without engagement or intimacy. -Empty Love-Engagement without passion or intimacy. -Companionate Love-Affection and loyalty without passion, characteristic of close friendships and family relationships. -Romantic Love-Passion and affection without engagement. -Fatuous Love-Passion and devotion without intimacy, such as a long-term sexual love affair. Understanding the Acceptable and Unacceptable Means of Expressing Attractions Toward the Opposite Sex
After understanding the essential traits of a good relationship, it is important to identify the difference between acceptable and unacceptable ways of expressing attraction toward the opposite sex. This understanding helps unlearn unhealthy practices in showing attraction to someone. Filipino society has set standards for unacceptable ways of demonstrating attraction, as compared with those that are considered practically acceptable. Understanding these standards is important because Filipino culture is bound to the belief that a decent display of feelings is necessary to be accepted by society. It is considered a major disappointment when anyone fails to follow this standard. Such a person may be classified by society or the community as poorly educated, or such behavior may be seen as a reflection of how parents raised the person. Because of the Filipinos’ culture of decency, the Republic of the Philippines seriously believed that issues concerning people’s ways of expressing attraction to the opposite sex or gender can be legally addressed. Republic Act No. 11313, otherwise known as the Safe Spaces Act, intentionally prohibits indecent and unlawful acts of expression. Republic Act No. 11313 (Safe Spaces Act) protects people from sexual harassment and promotes respectful behavior in schools, workplaces, and public spaces. This law broadens the scope of Republic Act No. 7877, or the Anti-Sexual Harassment Act of 1995. This law recognizes that sexual harassment occurs in the workplace, education, and training environments. It penalizes persons who have authority, influence, and moral status in those institutions and who commit prohibited acts of sexual harassment. The Safe Spaces Act addresses gaps in the legal framework by recognizing that sexual harassment can also be committed between peers. Examples include a subordinate to a superior, a student to a teacher, or a trainee to a trainer.
What Makes a Healthy and Acceptable Expression of Attraction? A stable relationship may be recognized when both partners are happy to see and spend time with each other. No partnership is ever perfect. When basic conflicts arise and cause tension, the relationship may feel unstable for a moment. There are many factors that lead to the growth and maintenance of healthy and acceptable relationships. 1. Mutual Respect Respect in a partnership means that each partner trusts and respects the weaknesses of the other and will never question them unfairly. A respectful partner listens when the other person says that something causes discomfort and then backs off immediately. Respect includes recognizing the other person’s intelligence, individuality, dignity, and boundaries. 2. Trust Trust is important in a relationship. For example, when one partner talks to a classmate, the other partner should not immediately lose control or assume betrayal. Jealousy is a common feeling, and feeling a little jealous may be normal. However, the way a person reacts when feeling jealous matters. Even when partners trust each other, trust alone does not guarantee a healthy relationship. 3. Honesty Honesty goes hand in hand with confidence and trust. When one partner is not honest, it becomes difficult for the other to trust. For example, if one partner says that schoolwork is the reason for being busy, but it turns out that the person was talking with friends, trust becomes damaged. The next time the same partner says there is work to do, the other person may have difficulty believing it. Trust then rests on dangerous foundations. 4. Support Support is not only needed during difficult times. Usually, people think support is needed only when everything seems to be falling apart. However, support is also needed during good moments. When times are difficult, a significant other should be present. When achievements happen, the significant other should also rejoice. For instance, a partner may provide comfort when parents are separating and may also celebrate a great score.
5. Fairness/Equality A relationship needs give and take. Partners may take turns deciding what food to eat or how time is spent with friends. A fair balance is important. When the relationship becomes a power struggle, with one person trying to get his or her way all the time, changes can happen quickly and negatively. 6. Separate Identities In a stable relationship, everyone has to make compromises. However, compromise should not mean losing oneself. Both partners had their own lives before the relationship started, including families, friends, interests, hobbies, and other personal parts of life. These should not disappear. A person should not pretend to like something disliked, give up seeing friends, or give up something meaningful. Each person should feel free to build new abilities or interests, make new friends, and continue moving forward. 7. Good Communication Good communication means that partners are able to speak to each other and share feelings that matter. Emotions should not remain locked up because of fear that the other person does not need to hear them. If time is needed to think before talking, the right person provides space for reflection. 10 Things That Are Unacceptable in Any Relationship Every relationship has ups and downs, and compromise is often needed to make relationships work. However, if a partner consistently does the following behaviors, the relationship may need serious reconsideration. 1. Cheating In a committed, monogamous relationship, cheating should be out of the question. Many people consider infidelity a deal-breaker. However, others decide to stay with their partners after an affair, and under the right circumstances, it may be possible to heal the relationship. If the relationship is maintained and the partner promises never to cheat again but still does, then the pattern will likely continue to break trust. 2. Putting Someone Down No one has the right to make another person feel bad about oneself. Whether blatant or subtle, criticism of looks, hair, laugh, intelligence, or any personal quality is unacceptable. A partner who
constantly puts another person down is not worth the time and emotional energy of the relationship. 3. Not Supporting Dreams In a relationship, partners should be each other’s cheerleaders. When one feels discouraged, the other should point out the things being done well. When options seem limited, the partner should ask how to help in reaching goals. 4. Controlling Behavior A person should have a life outside the relationship and away from the partner. It is not a partner’s place to control who another person can see, when the person can see them, what to eat, or how to dress. Controlling behavior can be a warning sign of physical abuse and should be taken seriously. 5. Lack of Communication Partners will not be able to grow together if wants and needs are not discussed. Both people need to feel comfortable openly expressing feelings, whether good or bad. Without open communication, resentment may begin to develop. 6. Unnecessary Sacrifices Compromise is necessary in a relationship, but when one person gives up everything while the significant other sacrifices nothing, something is wrong. Some people may give up a pet because a fiancé dislikes cats. Others may quit a job, leave family, and move to another place for someone who would not do the same. These situations may serve as red flags or warning signs that something is wrong in the way a significant other treats the person. 7. Unreliability When a cellphone is not working, advice is needed, or a bad day creates a need for comfort, a reliable partner should provide support. If a partner is not present during the moments of greatest need, the reason for staying in the relationship should be seriously examined. 8. Forgetting Memorable Days There is a stereotype that men always forget anniversaries and birthdays. Whether true or not, forgetting important dates is not okay. It is normal for something to slip a person’s mind, but a partner should remember the little things that are important to the other person. 9. Self-Destruction Sometimes people fall for others who are in difficult situations. Although it can be difficult, it is important to be there for loved ones during these times and encourage them to seek help if necessary. However, if they engage in destructive behavior that negatively affects the relationship and refuse to seek help, leaving may need to be considered. There is only so much one person can do, and it is not the other person’s fault if the partner is not willing to help oneself. 10. Not Caring About Friends and Family
When building a life with someone, every part of that person must be accepted, including the people that person cares about. A partner who does not make an effort to get to know loved ones can cause major strain in the relationship. Key Concepts Concept Meaning Personal Relationship A relationship closely linked to a person and meaningful to that person. Privacy and Intimacy Attributes that describe closeness, trust, and level of commitment. Impersonal Relationship Commitment to an organization, principle, or purpose rather than a personal bond. Attraction A force that unites people and may grow into attachment and commitment. Platonic Attraction A non-romantic attraction based on trust, care, common interests, and emotional connection. Matching Hypothesis The idea that people tend to choose partners similar in physical attractiveness and social desirability. Triangular Theory of Love Sternberg’s theory that love has three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Consummate Love A healthy form of love that includes intimacy, passion, and commitment. Safe Spaces Act Republic Act No. 11313, which prohibits indecent and unlawful acts of expression and addresses harassment. Healthy Expression of Attraction A respectful, honest, supportive, fair, and communicative way of showing interest. Activity 1: Reflection Write a 3-paragraph reflection on 1 coupon bond about the importance of respect, trust, honesty, support, fairness, separate identities, and communication in maintaining healthy relationships. Assessment
Multiple Choice Choose the best answer. 1. What is personal relationship? A. A business agreement between two companies B. A relationship closely linked to a person and meaningful to that person C. A relationship with an organization only D. A relationship based only on physical attraction 2. Which of the following is an attribute of personal relationships? A. Privacy and intimacy B. Competition and control C. Authority and power D. Distance and avoidance 3. What does attraction do? A. It separates people permanently B. It creates fear in relationships C. It unites people and may grow into attachment and commitment D. It removes the need for communication 4. According to Sternberg, the three components of love are: A. Beauty, wealth, and popularity B. Intimacy, passion, and commitment C. Friendship, control, and jealousy D. Attraction, fear, and distance 5. What type of love has intimacy, passion, and commitment? A. Empty love B. Infatuation C. Consummate love D. Fatuous love 6. Which law is known as the Safe Spaces Act? A. RA 7877 B. RA 11313 C. RA 1425 D. RA 7610 7. Which behavior is unacceptable in a relationship? A. Mutual respect B. Honest communication C. Controlling behavior D. Support for dreams 8. What does fairness or equality mean in a relationship? A. One person always gets what they want B. Both partners practice give and take C. One partner controls all decisions D. Both partners avoid communication 9. Why is good communication important? A. It helps partners express feelings, wants, and needs B. It prevents all conflicts forever
C. It removes the need for trust D. It allows one partner to dominate 10. What is platonic attraction based on? A. Control and jealousy B. Trust, care, common interests, and emotional connection C. Physical appearance only D. Social status only